Peter trying to get out of class, sees Quagmire through the door window, and smiles
Yeah, I'm here to pick up my son.
TTeacher
Really, because you like you belong to that boy over there.
Quagmire is shocked and horrified at seeing how many impregnated women carried his babies
Quagmire darts out of the room, down the hall, and accidently runs into another classroom
An average kid, that's just like him, thinks and asks if he's his papa
Quagmire shocked and horrified, "Oh, GOD!"
He accidently runs into another room, and sees a mixed Mexican child that looks just like him, and he shouts, "Oh, GOD!, again
He makes another way into to another classroom, and finds an appearently Downs' Syndrome child asking if he's his daddy, and Quagmire shouts, again, "Oh, GOD!"
Quagmire then runs into a hot chick, who he asks, "You don't have any kids, do you", she shakes her head, and he says, "Good... Hey, you wanna do it right here by the trash can?", and she gives the 'IDK', bashfully, and he smiles, with both of his thumbs up.
[When the spelling bee is over and Peter won]
Yeah, you're a smart fella', dad.
Yeah, you're a fart smella'!
Peter farts on Meg's face
Meg then after the fact is disgusted.
Come on, let's go home...
[Stewie is trying to write a song on his guitar for Susie Swanson]
Stewie "Susie".
[sarcastically] Wow, a song named after a girl. There aren't a million of those already.
"Rosanna", "Roxanne", "Michelle", "Alison", "Sarah", "Angie", "Brandy", "Mandy", "Gloria", "Cecilia", "Maggie May", "Jessica", "Nancy", "Barbara Ann", "Billie Jean", "Layla", "Lola", "Polly", "Helena", "Jenny from the Block".
"Sherry", "Laura", "Wendy", "Maria", "Peggy Sue", "Minnie the Moocher".
"Tracy", "Jean", "Jane", "Mary Ann", "Eleanor Rigby".
[Short pause; Stewie then throws his guitar on the floor and walks out]
[Peter sits in a doctor's office, undergoing a medical trial. The doctor fills a syringe with a black fluid.]
DDoctor
This is the Seth Rogen gene. It will give you the appearance of being funny, even though you haven't done anything funny.
[He injects Peter with the fluid. Peter immediately grows a beard and curly hair, à la Seth Rogen.]
[in Rogen's voice] Hey, doc, are we gonna be much longer? I gotta get some beers with the fellas before I go out on this date.
DDoctor
[laughs] How charming and chubby! I'm rooting for you!
[Lois and Brian are touring the FOX News station, and Brian notices a large red button]
FEFOX Employee
That one's kind of fun. It emits a sound that only Al Gore can hear. [presses the button, cut to Al Gore painting a portrait of fruit]
AGAl Gore
There it is again!
TGTipper Gore
It's probably just wind, Honey.
AGAl Gore
It's not the wind!
Wow. Fred Savage is the greatest actor in the history of the world!
SSavage
That's all I ever wanted people to know.
Well, if you let us run this story, I promise you they will.
SSavage
You've got a deal!
SStern
[as the voice-over from "The Wonder Years"] Well, it finally happened. I had finally gotten the recognition I deserved.
SSavage
[angrily] I don't need you anymore!
SStern
Well, Christ, Fred. You don't have to be a dick about it.
[Stewie is standing beside the transporter controls with the entire cast of Star Trek: The Next Generation in the transporter pad]
This... was exhausting. This whole experience was absolutely exhasuting. You people have ruined Star Trek: The Next Generation for me. You are absolutely the most insufferable group of jackasses l have ever had the misfortune of spending an extended period of time with. I hope you all fucking die.
Patrick Stewart: l still have five tickets to the carnival.
There was nothing for five tickets! We've been over this!
PSPatrick Stewart
Well, then LeVar and l were going to pool hours for the Fuzzy Troll pencil topper.
Oh, yeah? You're gonna share that?
LeVar Burton: Yeah, we were gonna share it.
Really? How's that gonna work?
PSPatrick Stewart
Three days at my house, three days at LeVar's, and alternating Sundays.
MDMichael Dorn
l have to pee again.
That's it. Goodbye. [pulls a lever on the control panel. The entire cast were teleported, but LeVar's drink doesn't and causes a stain on the floor] Fuck!!
[to Connie DiMico] Alright, let's do it. When we're done with him, he'll be more of an outcast than a seagull at an Adam Sandler movie.
[cut to a movie theater]
ASAdam Sandler
This is my old bicycle that I had from when I was ten...
ASAdam Sandler
Sometimes the banana seat hurts my heinie.
CMCrowd Member
Hey! Will you shut up?
SSeagull
No, you shut up, man! It's a comedy!
ASAdam Sandler
When I ring the bell, it makes my pants feel funny. Ring! Ring! Ring!
CDConnie DiMico
Oh, my God, I can smell him from here. [turns to Gina] He's perfect.
GGina
God, you're right. He smells like Fred Flintstone's ass!
[cut to Fred Flintstone, looking mad]
FFFred Flintstone
Hey! No one's asking you to smell it.
[Chris has lost his popularity after an embarrassing video of himself was released]
Well, Chris, you must feel ridiculous.
I do, Dad. And, Meg, I'm really sorry I was such a douche.
Well, there is a way you can make it up to me.
Tell me what it was like, being one of them.
It was like basking in the warm glow of a higher intelligence as it envelops you and allows you to become part of its everlasting glory.
