Ollie quotes from Family Guy

Tom

[Meg is sitting on the couch watching the news. Jake's picture is shown on the screen in between Tom and Diane with his eyes obscured by a black bar] In local news, a Buddy Cianci Jr. High School student has been arrested for possession of drugs. The student has been sentenced to 200 hours of community service, and is a very bad boy! We now go to Ollie Williams with the Punishment Forecast. Ollie?

Ollie

HE GON' GET IT!

Tom

Thanks, Ollie. Now this.

Meg

So you actually put coke in that kid’s locker?

Yup.

Meg

Wow! Where’d ya get it?

Oh. I got a guy.

Don’t let it get the best of you! I used to be a lawyer. See you next week. Good to be back, America!

Tom

We now go live to Ollie Williams, in the Channel 5 Traffic Copter. What's the scene, Ollie?

Ollie

Everybody looks like ants!

Tom

Probably because you're up so high. Coming up next, an exclusive interview with Andrew Shue.

Stewie

Hey, hey Dad, Dad. Pull my finger. [holds his finger out, Peter pulls it] Wait... [farts] Oh, sounded like a peeptoad! But it's not summer!

Peter

Hey, Drippy, you're back! What's for dinner?

(both stoned) Here's Ollie Williams with the Blaccu-weather forecast.

Tom

How's the weather look, Ollie?

Ollie

(calmly) Not too bad.

Tom

Right on.

Tom

This man wants to testify!

Peter

Very well, my brother. Let us lead him on the path of righteousness!

Tom

This poor gentleman used to speak in long, eloquent sentences. But after years of drinking, he can only speak in short, choppy utterances. Why, at one time, if you asked him who his favorite musicians were, he'd say, "Leonard Bernstein, Johann Sebastian Bach, and Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart". But thanks to that old devil hooch, it's all changed. Who's your favorite musician, Ollie?

Ollie

CHER!

Tom

He doesn't even like Cher!