Hey, look. A pair of working legs. Dibs on these!
What? Aw, come on, Quagmire!
Joe, I said "dibs".
No, no. You're right. You said "dibs".
S19Stewie's First Word
[crossly] I hate this. When do I get my cookie? I want my cookie so I can go home.
PPriest
Now please join me in silent prayer and as we settle into the silence, I remind you that in honor of Lent, today's coffee service will not include chewy Chips Ahoy.
[furiously, censored] FUCK!
[Everyone gasps in shock]
Hey, Stewie said his first word, and it was a swear!
Well, this is unacceptable! We have to leave right now and go straight to breakfast! Unbelievable! [Walks out of the church and enters the car] Let's go!
S19The Talented Mr. Stewie
It's time I got back out there again. I've had one beer my whole life! That's not normal!
Nothing about you is normal.
I mean, I've already wasted a whole year of my life with him!
There's only been a year of your life.
You know, all of your responses have been very similar, so you might want to nip that in the bud.
S19Boys & Squirrels
Bonnie just told me about the neatest thing. It's called a podcast. I guess it's like a radio show on your phone. Have you heard of these? Podcasts!
Yeah, mom. We know what podcasts are.
Huh. I guess these types of things take a while to reach the moms. I have to let Bonnie know.
[Lois faxes a message to Bonnie]
Wow! Really?!
Since Willem Dafoe has more bones in his face than most people have in their entire body, he's perfect for carving cuz the angles are so sharp.
S19Cutawayland
Ah, the beach. So much to do. Unlimited possibilities. [notices a "No Alcohol" sign] There is nothing to do at the beach! Why did we come here?!
[a young Peter and Lois make out under the boardwalk]
When I go back to school, all my greaser friends are gonna say "Tell me more! Tell me more!" and I'm gonna say you were a slut.
S19La Famiglia Guy
God, can't you believe that Trump hung himself in prison?
You can't bring a cat to church!
Why not? He's cat-olic!
S19Meg's Wedding
Everyone, I wanna thank you all for helping us decorate for the fall dance.
What's the name of this dance anyway?
[annoyed laugh] I've been doing this a long time, Meg. The next thing out of my mouth. The theme is climate change. Dance like it's the end of the world. We're going to -
But how do we even decorate for that?
[exasperated sigh] We're gonna pump the heat up to 92 and fill the gym up with 6 inches of water and then, you know, balloons, streamers, all that crap. So, thanks again and if anyone needs anything, just think. I'm hanging balloons. How could I possibly have a question?
What do we even - ?
[extremely angry] MEG! [takes a deep breath] [calmly] Thanks guys.
EEsther
So, I'm pretty sure Bobby and I are finally gonna do it after the dance.
[gasp] You're gonna have sex!?
EEsther
I'm talking about our suicide pact.
[laughs] Oh my God. I was like, who is this girl?
S19Wild Wild West
Lois, you're making this harder than it needs to be. Just get a former Batman and move on. I'm sure Val Kilmer could use the insurance.
Peter, we're not going to get a former Batman. That has been pitched every day since Adam West died and the response has been tepid at best.
WWWild West
If you're looking for something rugged, something durable, something with an endless supply of gas and a tailgate made for dumping, then you must be looking for Meg Griffin. Meg might not be much to look at but with two different shaped airbags, Meg is one ride you won't mind taking out to the middle of nowhere and giving it all. She's road ready and road hard. Meg Griffin. Kindly leave your go-by and Roman numerics at the sound of the chow bell. [the sound of bell chimes]
S19Pawtucket Pat
Hey everyone, I have some news. I got a job writing for Quahog's top website, The Hog. Starting tomorrow, I'm an online journalist.
Isn't The Hog that stupid pop culture site with those lame quizzes telling you what character you are in a show?
Peter's mad cuz he always gets Barney Rubble.
If I was mad would I laugh like this? [laughs like Barney] I don't think so.
EEmployer
You're good at sexualizing children.
Is that a problem?
EEmployer
No, that's a big part of online journalism.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Family Guy pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.