A long time ago, but somehow in the future…
S6Blue Harvest
It is a time of civil war and renegade paragraphs flying through space.
There's cool space battles, and the bad guy is the good guy's dad, but you don't find that out until the next episode.
And this hot chick is really the sister of the good guy, but they don't know it, and they kiss, which is kinda messed up. I mean, what if they had done it instead of just kissed?
Angelina Jolie kissed her brother. Yeah, she did. You know it, I know it, and her dad knows it. That's why they hardly ever talk anymore. You can run away to Africa, but you can't run away from the truth.
Oh, by the way, here's a tip for you: when this is over, go out and rent the movie Gia. She's way naked in it, and makes out with another chick and everything. It's awesome. I stumbled across it late at night on HBO after I had just got back from hockey, and I almost fainted. But I digress...
Princess Leia was coming back from buying space groceries when this happened...
[Watto flies into a Lightsaber set up like a bug zapper]
WWatto
Hey, why would you hang that up? It looks so tantalizing.
[Peter finishes telling the story]
The end!
[the lights come back on and the Griffins cheer]
Wow, Dad, thanks for keeping us entertained! That was a great story!
Yeah, but didn't Robot Chicken already do this three months ago?
Well, I wouldn't worry about it, Chris. I don't think people are even aware of that show's existence.
I don't know, Dad. I think a decent number of people watch it.
Oh, really? Define decent.
I think it's the highest rated show on Cartoon Network, and the Star Wars episode doubled that audience.
Well, yeah, but double ten people is like, twenty people, so what kind of numbers are we talking about here? Who knows?
Don't be glib about this stuff, Dad. It's a legitimate show, and they beat you to the punch.
Uh, I don't know about that, Chris. I mean, to me a legitimate show is on ABC, CBS, NBC, you know, one of the REAL networks.
[chuckles] I don't know about that, Dad.
And besides, what's up with that 15-minute run time? What is that? It's like 15 minutes of guys playing with "Star Wars" dolls. Oh, yay, yaaay! Tune me in for that.
Oh, so you do know the show?
I read part of a review online. I'm not a fan.
[angrily] You know, Dad, you're a real jerk!
[after Chris leaves, Peter sings the Star Wars theme, with the screen cutting to black afterwards]
S6Movin' Out (Brian's Song)
So, Meg, any luck finding another job?
No. Hardly anybody's hiring right now. The only job I could find was for a phone sex line, and I sucked at it.
[cut to Meg on the couch, on the phone]
What am I wearing? Um...a hat, and...glasses? What kind of underwear? Um...I don't know...big underwear, I guess. I'm sorry, what? Oh. What would I do to you? Well, um... I guess, maybe we could get pizza, and we could watch House?
[cut to Peter in the bedroom, on the phone, revealing he's the caller]
All right, I am totally flaccid, but thank you anyway, ma'am. I appreciate your time. [hangs up]
Listen, l hope you don't mind Stewie staying for us for a little while. He, uh, he just gets really lonely without me at home.
JJillian
You're so fatherly. That really turns me on. [they start making out]
[whining off - screen] Brian, there's no more graham crackers!
They're in the cabinet! [continues with Jillian]
l don't see them.
They're right in front of you. Which cabinet are you looking in?
Can't you just come in here?!
No, l'm busy. [continues with Jillian. We hear a loud crash and glass breaking]
Oh, nooo! Oh, no, Brian! Oh no... OH NOOO! OH, BRIAN, WE NEED PAPER TOWELS! OH, OHH, IT'S GOING UNDER THE FRIDGE! OHH!
Just use a dish towel!
THERE AREN'T ANY, BRIAN. YOU NEED TO COME IN THERE... OHH, WE ARE GONNA HAVE ANTS!
S6Believe It or Not, Joe's Walking on Air
Oh my God, that was so much fun!
You know, boys, we just might make this our regular spot!
[Peter grabs Joe's gun, cocks it, then shoots himself in the mouth. The scene cuts to a close-up of Peter's face]
Peter? Peter?
Oh, sorry, Joe. I, uh, just had one of my Scrubs fantasy moments.
It's the best show you're not watching!
I hate shows that cut away from the story for some bullshit.
[cutaway to Hitler juggling on a unicycle]
[Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble are attending the Quahog Men's Club]
BBarney
Boy, great party, huh Fred?
FFred
Yeah. You know, Barn, I figured I oughta tell you this. I was walkin' by your house the other day, and, uh, I poked my head in the window, and Betty was undressin'. Uh, she saw me there, but she didn't stop.
BBarney
What?
FFred
She didn't stop. I mean, she saw me there, lookin' at her, and kept undressin'.
BBarney
Whoa, whoa, whoa, you serious?
FFred
Yeah. I got an e-rock-tion.
S6100th Episode Celebration
MMacFarlane
You know, people often ask me why there are so many pop culture references on the show. Well, I'll tell you. Family Guy likes to hold a mirror up to society and say "Society, you're ugly and we don't like a lot of what you're doing". Here's just a small sampling of our distaste.
MMacFarlane
Well, we hope you've enjoyed this look back at the first 100 episodes of Family Guy. [holding up a glass] And here's the next 100. [a little bit agitated] And hopefully we won't get cancelled for two and a half fucking years in the middle again! [smiling] Good night, America!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Family Guy pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.