Peter Griffin quotes from Family Guy ... TV Quotes Database

Played by Seth MacFarlane

Most-quoted character in Family Guy: in 359 of its 775 quotes
Most scenes with: Lois Griffin (122), Brian (60), Chris Griffin (56)

Lines by Peter Griffin 38

Peter

[after losing his Cheesy Charlie's reservation] Chris, this is a big day for you. Today you become the man of the house because when we get home, your mother is going to kill me.

S1 Chitty Chitty Death Bang

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Peter

Lois has had the car all week, and it's just been hell gettin' around. I actually had to rent a mustang.

[cut to Peter riding a horse instead of the car. He stops at a gas station and grabs a gas nozzle. He looks for a slot to fill with gas, but can't find any. He then slowly lifts the tail and moves the nozzle towards the anus]

S2 There's Something About Paulie

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Peter

[at the police station, where the convicts are held] Hi, uh, excuse me, you guys. Yeah, I'm here to pick up my son, Chris Griffin. Uh, he's here to finger the guy who held up that convenience store. M-maybe you've seen him, his name is Chris Griffin. Oh, wait a second. I think I got a picture of him, somewhere...h-here you go. [gives the picture to the one who robbed the store] Yeah, you can go ahead and hang on to that, I got a ton of 'em at home. I was gonna throw that one out anyway 'cause Chris messed it up by writing his school schedule and a list of his fears all over the back of it.

S3 To Love and Die in Dixie

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Peter

You know, I thought I could help people with this whole A-Team thing, but it turns out I'm as useless as that nude Playboy spread of Debbie Gibson. It's like, "Yeah, she's naked, but who gives a shit?"

S4 Brian Goes Back to College

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Peter

All right, now listen up, you limey bum sniffers! If we're gonna beat the New England Patriots next week, I got to toughen you up. So you're gonna get into shape the way American athletes do - by taking steroids!

S4 Patriot Games

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[Peter's mishaps cause a car to crash into Cleveland's empty house; the empty tub crashes to the ground]

Peter

Oh, that's right. Cleveland moved.

S8 Brian's Got a Brand New Bag

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Peter

I just bought a giant room full of gold coins; I'm gonna dive into it like Scrooge McDuck.

[cutaway to giant coin room. Peter enters the room on the diving board in swimwear. He jumps and dives, only to land bloodily injured]

Peter

[groans] It's not a liquid! It's a great many pieces of solid matter that form a hard floor-like surface! Aaaaaaagh!