Milhouse Van Houten quotes from The Simpsons

Hey, look what I got, Bart! A Tickle Me Krusty!

Hey, kid, get your finger out of there.

[laughing, Homer throws a snowball at his face] Ow!

Marge

[offscreen] Homer!

Hey, Bart. Check out my new earring. Pretty cool, huh?

Bart

Milhouse, my mom wears earrings. Do you think she's cool?

No, I think she's hot! Sorry, it just slipped out.

Principal Skinner

Young man, the school dress code specifically forbids the wearing of earrings unless you're of gypsy extraction.

Well, uh, I'm a gypsy.

Principal Skinner

Oh, really? Prove it.

Uh, I want to suck your blood!

Principal Skinner

Nuh-uh, that's a vampire. But, uh, they're also covered. Carry on.

Woah, looking sharp.

Bart

Well, thanks guv'nor.

If you put dog doo on the suction cups, they'll stick better.

Bart

Milhouse, I'm not going to take dog doo that's been on the dirty ground and put it on my face. I have a better idea.

Hey Bart, what's your favorite thing about teachers conference day?

Bart

Hmm, well, I guess that we don't have to go to school.

Wow, mine too!

Bart

The world is completely different on a weekday morning. Banks are open, old people are walking the streets with impunity. And look, Barney's not even drunk yet.

Barney

Morning, boys, can't stop to chat, time is money.

Homer

Morning, Barney.

You know what makes it even sweeter? While we're out having fun and walking around like crazy, those teachers are cooped up in school like morons.

Principal Skinner

Hmm, here we go again.

Skinner!

Homer

[at the top of his voice] MILHOUSE!!!

[still at his house] What?

Homer

TELL BART TO COME HOME!!!

[still at his house] I think he's at Nelson's!

Homer

WHO'S NELSON?!!

All right, you kids, come down now. We promise we won't kill ya.

Homer

Speak for yourself! Bart, get down here! I'm gonna spank you back to the Stone Age!

Bart

You can't make us come down!

You adults are always giving orders!

Skinner

Well, you kids are always disobeying them!

Well, adults treat kids like children!

Kirk

Kids treat adults like cash machines!

Adults!

Kids!

Adults!

Kids!

Adults!

Rev. Lovejoy

Kids! You've had your fun, now we've had our fill!

Homer

Yeah! You're only here because Marge forgot her pill!

Marge

[embarrassed] Hmm...

Kids! You're all just scandalizing, vandalizing punks! [catches Nelson spray-painting "Oink" on his backside]

Krusty

Channel-hopping, Ritalin-popping monkeys! [But please don't quit the fan-club!]

Marge

Kids! I can nag and nag till my hair turns blue!

Edna Krabappel

Kids! You bum my smokes and don't say thank you!

Why can't you be like we are? [they get hit with tomatoes]

Oh, what a bunch of brats!

We oughta drown you just like cats! [Snowball II jumps out of his sack]

Bart

Adults! You run our lives like you're Colonel Klink!

Adults! You strut around like your farts don't stink!

Lisa

Adults! You're such a drooling, snoring, boozing, boring bunch! Surly, meanie, three-martini lunchers!

I just ate a thumbtack!

Adults! They're always telling us to--

[grabs Milhouse with his cane] Shut your traps!

Jasper

Eh... we're all fed up with all of you whippersnaps! [Milhouse screams and runs]

We're trying to get some sleep here! It's almost 6:15! What's the matter with...

Don't you treat us like...

Can't you just lay off...

We're sick of all of you...

KIDS...TO...DAY!

We're gonna teach all you rugrats a lesson!

Homer

Oh yeah? Pfft! What can you old people do to us?

Krusty

Yeah, you old fogies!

Buzz off, you old buzzards!

You're wrinkly, somebody should iron you.

Now we have 40 years of wandering in the desert.

Forty years? But after that, it's clear sailing for the Jews, right?

Uh, more or less...Hey, is that manna?

Hey, I know how we can have some fun. I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with "D."

Dingus! [Nelson punches Milhouse on the head]

Homer

God bless you, Nelson Muntz.

Eh, I'm no hero. I just like to hit people on the head.

Sisters are doing it for themselves!

Homer

Hey! Why is this door locked?

Bart

Oh no, it's Dad! [Bart falls out of the bed, landing on a bowling ball on the floor]

Homer

[screams] What's going on?! [shaking his fist] And I want the non-gay explanation!

Uh, we're drunk. Really drunk.

Homer

Oh, thank God!

Lisa

As you know, we've inherited quite a budget crunch from President Trump. How bad is it, Milhouse?

Lisa

The country is broke? How can that be?

Well, remember when the last administration decided to invest in our nation's children? Big mistake.

The balanced breakfast program just created a generation of ultra-strong super-criminals.

And midnight basketball taught them to function without sleep.

Bart

We're trapped in the school!

We're gonna miss Christmas!

Principal Skinner

I fixed the DVD!

L.T. Smash

I want you to meet and greet the other members of the Party Posse. He's smart, he's soulful, he's Milhouse!

What up, G-money?

L.T. Smash

Next: He'll break your nose, your glasses, and your heart - Nelson.

Bart

Wait, these are just guys from school. Who's next, Ralph Wiggum?

[spins his own chair around] Whee! I'm a pop sensation!

I can't believe we're on the Canadian Olympic basketball team.

Bart

Yep, it's just that easy (shoots ball but misses hoop)

Wow, that was close, you can be the center.

Hey Bart! Want to go for a ride on my uncle's Black Hawk helicopter?

Bart

But I just started my paper!

It's your last chance! He'll probably get court marshaled for this!

Bart

Black Hawk up!