TV show quotes
Well, this is about all I can do for him.
Can't you get him to talk? I have to know who my father is.
Sorry, son, it might be a while.
[bounds atop Mephesto and begins slapping him around] Wake up, you son of a bitch!
Whoa!
Team A will consist of myself, Eric, Stan, Kyle and Nurse Goodly. Team B will consist of Kenny.
Can't go on... So hungry...
We're all going to die in this horrible place.
We have to have the energy to make it through the night. We have to eat.
How can we? How could we live with ourselves?
There's only one answer: Eat Eric Roberts.
Yes, of course! Nobody gives a shit about Eric Roberts.
Eat Eric Roberts!
[they all together walk towards Eric Roberts]
No! No, please!
[cut to commercial...]
[Eric Robert's mutilated corpse is visible. The other characters in the studio are feasting on his remains.]
Well, there's no going back now. We're cannibals! God save us...
God wants you to live, Mayor. Fight!
We'll give it until another hour, then... we might have to eat again.
What?! Christ, are you people diabetic or something?
It's over! We're free!
Yes, but at what cost, Mr. Garrison? At what cost?
Listen, everybody! We did what we had to in there.
But how will we live with ourselves now?
One day at a time, Mayor. One day at a time.
[Schubert's 'Ave Maria' plays as the camera zooms back]
Well, I'm bringing home some Eric Roberts in a doggy bag. Does anybody else want some?
Wait a minute! [points at his mom/dad] If she's my dad, who's my mom?
Who is Eric Cartman's mother? Is it Ms. Crabtree, Sheila Broflovski, the Mayor?
AGH, FORGET IT!
[Officer Barbarady, who is at the time illiterate, finds a note saying "another chicken gets it tomorrow." He is then asked what it says]
Oh, it says... "Sorry I had sex with the chicken! I won't do it again, bye-bye!" Well, there you have it, case closed.
Yes, at first I was happy to be learning how to read. It seemed exciting and magical, but then I read this: Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. I read every last word of its garbage, and because of this piece of shoot, I'm never reading again.
Hooray for Barbarady!
For my book report, I read The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. It was very, very good. Have you read it, Mr. Garrison?
No, I can't say I have.
Oh good. In The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, a bunch of hippies walk around and paint stuff. They eat lunch, and then they find a magical camel, which they have to eat to stay alive. And that's pretty much it. I give it a B-minus.
And I give you an F, Eric. Now sit down!
God damn it!!
The Chickenfucker struck again last night.
Oh, no!
Oh Mayor, please, when we're around children we prefer to call him the "Chicken Lover."
This time, he made love to Carla Weathers' prize chicken. She's catatonic.
Who? Carla Weathers or the chicken?
Uh...yes, officer?
I clocked you at 40 mph back there. Do you know what the speed limit is hey-ah?
Well, according to that sign right there, it's 40 mph.
Step out of the car, please, sir.
Wait a second. Aren't you Stan's little friend?
Sir, step out of the car, please.
Yeah. You're the one who always plugs up the toilet at our house.
Ey! I am a cop, and you will respect my authority!
Yeah, right. You better get back to school, little boy. [Cartman hits Randy's shin] Ow!
Get your ass to jail!
Ow! Hey, what the heck're you doing?! You can't do that! Ow! Ow!
Sweet.
Boo!
Who was that? That is not appropriate behavior, m'kay?
[imitating Mr. Mackey's voice] I'm sorry Mr. Mackey, m'kay.
That's okay. Just don't let it happen again, m'kay.
[imitating Mr. Mackey's voice] We won't let it happen again Mr. Mackey, m'kay.
[the boys laugh]
Hey, Mackey, now we see what you and Homer Simpson have in common: "D'oh-pe" [laughs]
I'm tired of your right-wing authoritative bullshit!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
