Wendy has just had Miss Ellen shot into the sun
(cheerfully) Bye bye, Miss Ellen!
Wendy! You didn't!
(sing-songy) I told her~... (Intensely, with crazy eyes) Don't. Fuck. With. Wendy. TESTABURGER!
S1 E11Tom's Rhinoplasty
S1 E12Mecha-Streisand
BSBarbra Streisand
You know who I am?
Well, you aren't Fiona Apple, and if you aren't Fiona Apple, I don't give a rat's ass!
BSBarbra Streisand
[screams in anger]
Whoa, what a bitch!
Well, that whole experience sure sucked.
Yeah, I'm sure glad it's over.
But you know, I've learned something today. I've learned that people who want power - a lot of power - always end up dead.
Yeah, and I've learned something too. Robert Smith kicks ass!
S1 E13Cartman's Mom Is a Dirty Slut
CCartman
Mom, can I ask you a question?
Sure, Hun.
CCartman
You know how my friend Stan has, like, a dad?
Uh-huh.
CCartman
And my friend Kyle has a dad and my friend Kenny has a dad?
Yes?
[long pause]
Well, what's your question, Hun?
CCartman
Goddamn it, do I have a dad?!
Oh!
CCartman
I want to know where I came from.
Oh. Hmm. Well, you see, Eric, sometimes when a man and a woman are attracted to each other, they want to be close to each other.
CCartman
Uh-huh...
And sometimes the man puts his hoo-hoo dilly in the woman's cha-cha.
[long pause]
CCartman
So who put his hoo-hoo dilly in your cha-cha?
Who is Eric Cartman's father? Is it Chief Running Water? Or is it Chef? Is it Mephesto? Or that little monkey guy that follows him around? Or is it Mr. Garrison?
Nope. He's gay.
You go to hell! You go to hell and you die!
Is it Jimbo?
Daaagh!
Or is it Officer Barbrady?
Huh?! Where?!
Or could it be Ned?
NNed
Could be.
Or Mr. Broflovski?
Dad, how could you?!
Or is it the 1991 Denver Broncos? The answer is coming on an all-new South Park, in just four weeks.
What?! Son of a bitch!
S2 E1Terrance and Phillip in Not Without My Anus
AAnnouncer
Since the last South Park, you've waited four long weeks to find out who the father of Eric Cartman is. Now, finally, the shocking truth about Cartman's lineage… will not be seen Tonight, so that we can bring you the following special presentation.
[Terrance farts]
Terrance, you farted in court.
Yes Phillip, I'm making a case for our defense.
Terrance, you may be a famous surgeon, but you're not God! J'accuse, Terrance!
Would you like a 'Monkey Claw', Phillip?
Yes please. [Terrance farts]
That's called the 'Monkey Claw', because it feels like my colon is being ripped apart by a thousand monkeys.
The 'Monkey Claw' is smelly.
I hate you, and I wish you both had cancer!
Cancer?
Yes, in the head!
Head cancer?
This is not the end, Terrance and Phillip! You'll rue this day!
Scott really hates us, Phillip.
Yes, perhaps he's homophobic.
...But we're not gay, Phillip.
We're not?
I hate you more than ever, Terrance and Phillip! I absolutely abhor you both! [starts waving his arms in front of them; pause]
What are you doing, Scott?
I'm wishing cancer upon you!
Cancer?!
That's right! I'm trying to give you cancer with my mind!
[hides behind Phillip] Ugh! Stop that!
Hey, Don't give me cancer!
What are you idiots doing?
We're looking for treasure.
Is that some kind of metaphor for a kind of search that can't be described?
No, we're searching for treasure.
S2 E2Cartman's Mom Is Still a Dirty Slut
[Kenny appears out of nowhere]
[blankly, as though Kenny hadn't appeared out of thin air] Oh, hey, Kenny.
Officer Barbrady, let's pretend for one second that we had a competent law enforcement officer in this town. What would he do?
NNurse
When was the fetus conceived?
Eight years ago.
NNurse
So that would make the fetus-
Eight years old.
NNurse
That places you in what we call 'the 40th Trimester'.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.