Terrance quotes from South Park

Terrance, you farted in court.

Yes Phillip, I'm making a case for our defense.

Terrance, you may be a famous surgeon, but you're not God! J'accuse, Terrance!

Would you like a 'Monkey Claw', Phillip?

Yes please. [Terrance farts]

That's called the 'Monkey Claw', because it feels like my colon is being ripped apart by a thousand monkeys.

The 'Monkey Claw' is smelly.

I hate you, and I wish you both had cancer!

Cancer?

Yes, in the head!

Head cancer?

This is not the end, Terrance and Phillip! You'll rue this day!

Scott really hates us, Phillip.

Yes, perhaps he's homophobic.

...But we're not gay, Phillip.

We're not?

I hate you more than ever, Terrance and Phillip! I absolutely abhor you both! [starts waving his arms in front of them; pause]

What are you doing, Scott?

I'm wishing cancer upon you!

Cancer?!

That's right! I'm trying to give you cancer with my mind!

[hides behind Phillip] Ugh! Stop that!

Hey, Don't give me cancer!

What are you idiots doing?

We're looking for treasure.

Is that some kind of metaphor for a kind of search that can't be described?

No, we're searching for treasure.

Beef and lamb, chicken and ham

Oh my God, what's wrong with their heads?

It's all right, darling. They're just Canadian.

Oh.

Say, Terrance, I'm getting worried about all these Russians making missiles. Maybe we should stop this "cold war."

Here's a missile for ya! [farts]

Say, Terrance, what should we do about this strange planet we've crashed on?

I don't know, Phillip. It seems like the alien species here breathe an inert gas.

Oh oh, did you say what I thought you said? [farts; they both laugh]

As leader of the goat people, I have seen my species nearly wiped out by your dangerous gas.

Wow, that sucks.

Alright, just what the hell is going on here?!

You censored out the image of Muhammad in our television special!

Ey! You guys know the rules! Nobody can show the image of Muhammad anymore! It's dangerous!

But you ruined the whole show!

Look, I'm not gonna risk the lives of the people at this network. Let's just forget about it, okay, guys? [farts and laughs. Terrance and Phillip look hard at him, their arms crossed] Aw, come on guys, give me a break.

We demand you rerun Mystery at the Lazy "J" Ranch with Muhammad uncensored!

Ey, I make the rules, not you guys! And if you ask me, your show has become so preachy and full of morals that you have forgotten how to be funny! No Muhammad!

[On a ice flow with his aides] Eh? What do you think you're doing!?

We're sending you adrift, idiot.

Maybe you can go live with the Danish!

You'll regret this day, friend!

I'm not your friend, buddih!

I'm not your buddih, guy!

He's not your guy, friend!

I'm not your friend, buddih!

We're not your buddih, guy!

I'm not your guy, friend!

You stupid bitch, what the fuck is wrong with you? (He ducks to avoid a vase as it smashes against the wall.)

I'm not your sex toy, you fucking pig! (She chucks another vase at Philip, who dodges that one as well.)

You don't queef in bed while we're having sex!

Fuck you, you don't fucking slap me! (The lights come on to reveal Terrance and Katie in the other bed.)

Can you please keep it down? We're trying to have sex over here!

She queefed while we were having sex, Terrance!

WHAT?!!! GROSS!!! (He slaps Katie.)

How dare you!!! (She punches Terrance right in the face. Both women start pushing them to the door.)

Katherine just won't stop queefing...but I don't know if could live without her...