Bart Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Marge

Homer, what are you doing?

Homer

Listen, do you want the job done right, or do you want it done fast?

Marge

Well, like all Americans, fast, but--

Bart

[lights the fuse] Clear!

Marge

You can't argue with results!

What was that?

Lisa

It sounded like a silo tipping over.

Bart

Look, the snow's melting! [Martin licks the melted snow]

Martin

With a little help from our friend, sodium chloride! [Nelson begins to punch him, and Nibbles, the hamster comes to Skinner, in a Gym Dodge ball sack]

Skinner

You did it, Nibbles! Now, chew through my ball sack.

Huh? [Chalmers comes in a snow mobile]

Chalmers

Skinner!

Skinner

Oh, Superintendent Chalmers!

Chalmers

What are you doing in that ridiculous duffel, Seymour? And is that burning literature I smell?

Skinner

Uh- W-W-Well, sir, I, uh-

Chalmers

There'd better be a good explanation for this.

Bart

There is, sir.

Chalmers

Ah, then I'm happy. [He speeds away on a snow mobile]

Bart

We're trapped in the school!

We're gonna miss Christmas!

Principal Skinner

I fixed the DVD!

Lisa

So how was it in the slammer?

Marge

Terrific. Bart, Sideshow Bob says he'll be seeing you real soon.

Bart

[Chuckles] That Bob.

Dr. Hibbert

Young man, you've had what we call a cardiac episode.

Comic Book Guy

Worst Episode Ever.

Dr. Hibbert

Oh, not even close. If these boys hadn't called 911, I'd be wearing that watch right now! [chuckles] Just kidding. But you would be dead.

Comic Book Guy

[to Bart] You saved my life?

Bart

Yeah. After you were so mean to us.

Comic Book Guy

So now we're even.

Dr. Hibbert

My prognosis - or is it diagnosis? Whichever. You need to avoid stress. Now what kind of work do you do?

Comic Book Guy

I run a comic book store.

Dr. Hibbert

[gasps] Oh dear Lord! We call that profession the "widow-maker"! Or we would, if any of the proprietors were married.

Sideshow Bob

You are in my power.

Bart

I am at your command.

Sideshow Bob

I didn't say anything about command. If you are in my power, say so.

Bart

I am in your power.

Sideshow Bob

Excellent. Actually, go back to command. No... power, power!

Sideshow Bob

Rakes! My old archenemy.

Bart

I thought I was your archenemy?

Sideshow Bob

I have a life outside of you, Bart.

Bart

Who are you?

L.T. Smash

Aw, you'll find out in due time.

Bart

[reading an ID badge hanging from the mirror] Well, it says here your name is L. T. Smash.

L.T. Smash

The time has come. I'm L. T. Smash.

L.T. Smash

I want you to meet and greet the other members of the Party Posse. He's smart, he's soulful, he's Milhouse!

What up, G-money?

L.T. Smash

Next: He'll break your nose, your glasses, and your heart - Nelson.

Bart

Wait, these are just guys from school. Who's next, Ralph Wiggum?

[spins his own chair around] Whee! I'm a pop sensation!

Homer

The truth never tasted so good!

Bart

Way to go, Slim!

Lisa

Hey, don't throw that away. It's Rod's first tooth!

Bart

You're right. We could use this for witchcraft.

Bart

Awww, we're all out of milk.

Lisa

[takes wand out] Abraca dairy. [milk appears out of thin air and pours into Bart's cereal]

Marge

[rushes in] Kids, it's 8 o'-clock! You're gonna miss the bus to wizards' school.

Lisa

[points wand at clock] Five minutes more-ious. [clock goes back five minutes]

Marge

[annoyed]: Hmm. That's not good for the clock.

Harm

Silence in my courtroom! [reads docket] Grand theft auto?

Bart

It was an accident, ma'am.

Harm

Don't spit on my cupcake and tell me it's frosting!

Hey Simpson, I hear your sister dumped Christianity.

Bart

Who cares?

Dolph

I'll tell you someone who cares. He's got long hair, works as a carpenter, has a lot of crazy ideas about love and brotherhood.

His name's Gunner and he's dating my mom. Sometimes, he buys us beer.

Bart

I thought Kearney was dating your mom.

Kearney

Hey, she came on to me.

Get him! (The bullies -- and Bart -- pummel Kearney)

Lisa

I'm not gonna pick a religion just because it sounds cool.

Bart

How about Judaism? When you turn thirteen, cha-ching!