TV show quotes
[Flashback scene to when the boys were toddlers, and are playing with fireworks. Stan and Kyle set off a little rocket, to their amusement. Kenny is holding a firecracker, and blows his head off.]
Oh gosh, killed Kenny!
Oo bastoods!
[Rats converge on baby Kenny's headless corpse.]
[The snake breaks down Jimbo and Ned's cell wall]
Holy crap, what the heck is that?
It looks like my ex-wife!
[The boys have called Chef for advice on how to deal with the Ash Snake]
Giant snake? Killing everybody? Growing bigger? [looks at the women surrounding him] Now, children, you know I rarely say this, but well... fudge ya.[hangs up, goes back to singing] 🎵 Simultaneous, you and me! 🎵
What did he say?
Dude, I think he told us to go fuck ourselves.
Wow!
How's that going to help?
[The boys stop in front of a sign with "Stu's Fireworks" written on it]
Oh yeah, dude, it's summer. That means we've gotta buy fireworks!
I saved up enough money to buy M-80s this year.
I saw in this movie once, where this guy stuck a firecracker up a cat's butt.
Cool, maybe we can do that to Cartman's cat!
Hey! If you so much as touch Kitty's ass, I'll put firecrackers in your nut sack and blow your balls all over your pants!
Jesus, Cartman!
[his voice trailing off] Well, I'm just-- seriously now, don't mess with Kitty, now.
[Chef was vacationing on an island while the gargantuan firework snake ravaged the country. After blowing the snake up, the townspeople are seen trying to clean up the mess, but as a result of all the ash in the air, it looks like they're all in blackface]
Okay, everybody get into line, so I can whoop all yo' asses!
No, dude, independent films are those black-and-white hippie movies. They're always about gay cowboys eating pudding.
[from one of the independent films]
Hey Tom, you got any pudding?
You know I'm all out of pudding, silly.
Well, what should we do now?
Well, how about we explore our sexuality? [they start to make out]
I've learned something too: selling out is sweet because when you sell out, you get to make a lot of money, and when you have money, you don't have to hang out with a bunch of poor ass losers like you guys. Screw you guys, I'm going home.
[singing to advertise his new candy, Chocolate Salty Balls] Hey, everybody, have you seen my balls? They're big and salty and brown! If you ever need a quick pick-me-up, just stick my balls in your mouth! Suck on my Salty Chocolate Balls! [high-pitched voice] Put 'em in your mouth! [normal singing voice] Put 'em in your mouth and suck 'em and suck 'em! Suck my balls! Suck 'em sweet!
[Chef has just fed his concoction, Salty Chocolate Balls, to a severely ailing Mr. Hankey]
My Salty Chocolate Balls must have rejuvenated him!
You've got the best balls in the whole world, Chef.
You're damn right.
That's it, screw you guys, I'm going home.
[pause]
Well?
I'm gonna, just give me a minute.
Aw, Jesus, are you fucking kidding me?
Hey! We don't say fuck at the table, you little asshole!
[mumbling] Yeah, we apparently don't say side dishes either.
Serves you right, you little brat!
Well, at least I'm not going to die from it, which you might! [giggles]
If I die from this, I'm taking you with me!
[...]
I don't want to watch this! I want to watch Terrance and Phillip!
We're watching this!
Well I got the remote, bitch! [giggles]
Cartman, you remember how we all spent the night at Kenny's a couple of days ago?
I remember frozen waffles with no side dishes.
Cartman, our parents sent us over to catch chickenpox from Kenny.
Yeah, dude, your mom wanted you to have herpes on your face.
She what?!
It's some kind of parental conspiracy. Our parents are trying to kill us or something.
That bitch! I'm going to go downstairs and kick her square in the nuts!
No, no, no. Come on fat-boy, we're going to get them all back.
Will he be okay out of the hospital?
Oh sure, sure. But we have to get him back soon. If he doesn't get his antibiotic shot today, he could die.
DIE!??
Yes, die. It won't be any easy death, either. The chickenpox will slowly move down his trachea into his lungs.
Okay, well well, let's go look—
As he chokes for breath, the pox will move through his inner ear, into his brain, making him think he's David Duchovny.
Oh God, no!!
I'm a-I'm sure he couldn't have gone far.
Now moving on all fours and wheezing uncontrollably, his cellular structure will regress into a gelatinous mass of—
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
