Stuart quotes from South Park

Oh God, I'm going to crap my pants!

I'm not going to make it. I'm going to be sick. Oh, my stomach!

Cartman

Aw, Jesus, are you fucking kidding me?

Hey! We don't say fuck at the table, you little asshole!

Cartman

[mumbling] Yeah, we apparently don't say side dishes either.

Are you all right, Stuart?

Don't touch me! I've had my nuts broken, body poisoned, and been made love to in the ass by three dozen 40-year-old men! [sobs] I just want to go home and take a--a hot bath!

[to NAMBLA leader] We've been after you for a long time, buddy! Do you know your rights?

Rights? Does anybody know their rights? You see, I've learned something today.

Our forefathers came to this country because...they believed in an idea. An idea called "freedom". They wanted to live in a place where a group couldn't be prosecuted for their beliefs. Where a person can live the way he chooses to live. You see us as being perverted because we're different from you. People are afraid of us, because they don't understand. And sometimes, it's easier to persecute than to understand.

Kyle

Dude, you have sex with children!

We are human. Most of us didn't even choose to be attracted to young boys. We were born that way. We can't help the way we are, and if you all can't understand that, well, then... I guess you'll just have to put us away!

Kyle

[slowly, for emphasis] Dude! You have sex with children!

Stan

Yeah, you know, we believe in equality for everybody and tolerance and all that gay stuff, but dude, fuck you.

Kyle

Seriously!

Alright, that's enough! You're going to be put away for a long time!

Kyle

Well, Cartman?

Cartman

Well what?

Kyle

Don't you think you owe everyone an apology for bringing NAMBLA here?

Yeah!

Cartman

[half-heartedly] Alright, alright, I'm sorry I almost got you guys all raped. There.

Stan

And now, you still wanna hang out with older mature friends?

Cartman

No, I guess you guys will blossom into maturity someday. Just don't take too long.

Kyle's already got two weeks of detention.

Huh for what?

Just 'cause he said something about Caitlyn Jenner. [a hush falls over the table]

Oh, Caitlyn Jenner. She's a hero. She is stunning and brave.

Stunning. She is absolutely beautiful, and an inspiration.

Yup!

Yup, that's right.

Okay, hold on, everyone listen up! We understand that not everyone is for the town spending money on the Sodomy project. We want everyone to be able to voice their concerns. [the McCormicks pause; Stuart stands]

Yeah, I got concerns! I don't want you touching my darn house!!

We realize that when a rejuvenation like this takes place, the lower-income residents fear they'll be priced out of the area.

What lower-income residents?! Me?! I work hard and provide for my family just fine!

Stuart, come on. Your house sucks.

Buck you! If you people want to turn something into a vibrant arts district, then do it to Randy's house!

My house is nice.