South Park quotes

Whore-off!

Oh, no, she didn't!

So-so that's it? No $200,000,000? [down to Butters; annoyed] Well, Butters, I hope you're happy.

Butters

[turns left and walks away in disgrace] I'm a bad bear. I'm a very bad old bear.

You're grounded, old bear.

The little critters cheered and Beavery said with a smile

How would you like to sing and dance with us for a while?

The boy in the red poof ball hat smiled and said...

Stan

(does not smile) Uh, no thanks, I'm gonna go home.

High up in the forest on a dark, craggy peak/The horrid mountain lion and preyed on the weak./For the critters to be saved, someone had to stop that nasty old cat.

Stan

[irritated] Goddammit, this is fucking ridiculous!

Said the little boy in the red poof ball hat.

Stanny, you're alive.

But, does that mean you killed the mountain lion?

Stan

It's dead.

For real and for true?

Are you sure?

Stan

I'm sure. It won't be hurting you anymore.

He did it! Now our critter Christmas can finally happen! (raises arm in a salute) Hail Satan!

(raise arms) Hail Satan!

Stan

(confused) Wait, wha-what?

You've done us a huge favor, Stanny! Without the mountain lion around, the Lady Porcupiney can give birth to the Antichrist!

Yaaay!

Stan

Wai-wait, the Antichrist?! You said she was giving birth to your savior!

Yeah, to the Son of our Lord, Satan, Prince of Darkness.

Stan

(stunned) But I thought you meant the Son of God!

Well, think about it: You really think God would have sex with a porcupine?

No way! Only Satan, Prince of Darkness and King of all Evil would do that! Yay!

This is cause for celebration! Let's sacrifice Rabbity and eat his flesh!

Yay! Sacrifice me to the Devil!

Blood orgy! Blood orgy!

What special time! What special day! It's Woodland Critter Christmas!

Hail Satan!

Stan

I am sorry that I killed your mom but the squirrel told me that she was evil.

You got tricked by a squirrel? Gee, you are not too smart, are you mister?

Look, there's Santa Claus!

Let's eat his flesh!

[certainly not his usual jolly self] Alright, what the HELL IS GOING ON?! Why is there a red star glowing in the sky?!

[last words before he gets shot down] Gee whiz, Santa, you're not going to kill me, are ya--

Kyle

Stan! What the hell is going on?!

Stan

It's Critter Christmas, dude! It sucks ass!

And they all lived happily ever after, except for Kyle, who died of AIDS two weeks later.

Kyle

[voice over] Goddamn it, Cartman!

Hey, boys. It's me, your teacher, Mrs. Garrison.

Cartman

[whispers] You guys, Mr. Garrison has titties!

Kyle

Mom? Dad? What's a sex-change operation?

[taken aback] What? Uh, n-nothing. I'll explain it to you when you're a little older.

Kyle

But our teacher, Mr. Garrison? He just had his penis made into a vagina. How come?

Penis!

Your teacher had a sex change? Oh my God!

Vagina!