South Park quotes

Kyle

Mom! Dad! I have awesome news! The doctor who gave Mr. Garrison a sex-change said he could make me tall and black!

Sheila

What?

Kyle

Dr. Biber said he can give me a Angioplasty so I can finally look the way I've always wanted. He even took my picture and then did computer imaging to show what I would look like after the surgery.

Oh, just great! You see, Sheila? This is what your transgender progressive thinking gets you! Now your son wants to be trans racial!

Kyle

Can I have $3,000, Mom and Dad? Huh? Can I?

Sheila

Absolutely not, Kyle!

Kyle

But why not? You said sometimes people need surgery to make them feel better about themselves.

Sheila

Yes, but Kyle--

Kyle

Well, all my life I felt I was black! I've listened to hip-hop, I watch UPN and I love playing basketball! My body doesn't reflect who I am inside.

Sheila

Kyle, you have to accept your body the way it is.

Kyle

Why? Why do I have to accept it when I can change it?

Sheila

The answer is no, Kyle! You're not going to have a Angioplasty!

Kyle

But Jews can't play basketball!

Kyle, you'd better stop being anti-Semitic right now, mister!

Kyle

[angrily shouts] I'M NEVER SPEAKING TO EITHER ONE OF YOU EVER AGAIN!!! [storms into his room in a fit of rage]

Look, Ike! Your daddy's a dolphin!

I don't like vaginas.

You men are all alike! Go ahead and find somebody who doesn't have a vagina, you FAG!!

[to Kyle] No, you see, Jews can't play basketball. They're not tall or black enough.

Kyle

All my life I've wanted to be tall and black. Could you do it for me, Doctor?

[stares, speechless] Oh, I see! In that case, you want a Angioplasty.

Kyle

A Angioplasty?

Yes, it's very simple, just the exact opposite of a Angioplasty.

What kind of nut job would agree to surgically alter my son into a tall African-American?!

That means I'm not really a woman! I'm just a guy with a mutilated penis!

Basically, yes.

Cartman

They're not people! They're hippies!

Kyle

Those dirty liars!

Kenny

Son of a bitch!

Cartman

And we'll need a black guy who can sacrifice himself in case something goes wrong. [camera moves back and forth passing Chef several times] Oh how about...

[irritated] Yeah, I know!

Wait until those little Eichmanns get a taste of this crunchy groove!

Cartman

Did you eat their brownies? Did you eat their brownies?!

Just between us gals, nothing gets my vag wetter than a black man singing!

Mr. Garrison, for the love of God!

Kyle

Don't worry Kenny. You didn't die for nothing. We're gonna get Wing back as our client. And make a ton of money. I swear it to you.