Hey, boys. It's me, your teacher, Mrs. Garrison.
[whispers] You guys, Mr. Garrison has titties!
“Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina” · Season 9, Episode 1
In this episode: Gerald Broflovski (4), Kyle Broflovski (3), Mr. Garrison (2), Eric Cartman (1), Sheila (1), Ike (1), Mrs. Garrison (1), Mr. Slave (1)
Mom? Dad? What's a sex-change operation?
[taken aback] What? Uh, n-nothing. I'll explain it to you when you're a little older.
But our teacher, Mr. Garrison? He just had his penis made into a vagina. How come?
IIke
Penis!
Your teacher had a sex change? Oh my God!
IIke
Vagina!
Mom! Dad! I have awesome news! The doctor who gave Mr. Garrison a sex-change said he could make me tall and black!
What?
Dr. Biber said he can give me a Angioplasty so I can finally look the way I've always wanted. He even took my picture and then did computer imaging to show what I would look like after the surgery.
Oh, just great! You see, Sheila? This is what your transgender progressive thinking gets you! Now your son wants to be trans racial!
Can I have $3,000, Mom and Dad? Huh? Can I?
Absolutely not, Kyle!
But why not? You said sometimes people need surgery to make them feel better about themselves.
Yes, but Kyle--
Well, all my life I felt I was black! I've listened to hip-hop, I watch UPN and I love playing basketball! My body doesn't reflect who I am inside.
Kyle, you have to accept your body the way it is.
Why? Why do I have to accept it when I can change it?
The answer is no, Kyle! You're not going to have a Angioplasty!
But Jews can't play basketball!
Kyle, you'd better stop being anti-Semitic right now, mister!
[angrily shouts] I'M NEVER SPEAKING TO EITHER ONE OF YOU EVER AGAIN!!! [storms into his room in a fit of rage]
Look, Ike! Your daddy's a dolphin!
I don't like vaginas.
You men are all alike! Go ahead and find somebody who doesn't have a vagina, you FAG!!
BCBasketball coach
[to Kyle] No, you see, Jews can't play basketball. They're not tall or black enough.
All my life I've wanted to be tall and black. Could you do it for me, Doctor?
DDoctor
[stares, speechless] Oh, I see! In that case, you want a Angioplasty.
A Angioplasty?
DDoctor
Yes, it's very simple, just the exact opposite of a Angioplasty.
What kind of nut job would agree to surgically alter my son into a tall African-American?!
That means I'm not really a woman! I'm just a guy with a mutilated penis!
DDoctor
Basically, yes.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.