[Stan walks into his house to discover his dad lying on the floor, looking ill.]
Jesus Christ…Dad?!
Stan?
Dad, oh my God!
Stan.
What, Dad, are you dying?
No, I'm just really really tired. I was shopping at Wall-Mart all night.
S8 E9Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes
Whoa, pixie sticks, 29 cents! [slips into a trance] Wall-Mart? Are you speaking to me? ...My friends...trying to hurt you again? Yes Wall-Mart, I understand.
Three tickets to Bentonville, Arkansas, please.
Hey, guys, wait up. I want to go with you and help out.
No way. You want to come with us so you can betray us at some point and keep us from destroying Wall-Mart.
(Silence for a considerable time)
Nu-uh.
Look. You want to come with us so that later I can go "Ha ha, I was working for Wall-Mart all along" or something.
I am not, Kyle!
Dude, just let him come, the bus is about to leave.
[Kenny and Stan walk off]
Okay okay..
[Kyle walks off; Cartman takes out a knife]
Ha ha, you fools have no idea that I will never let you hurt the Wall-Mart.
[Kyle runs back]
Hey!
What?
You said that we have no idea that you are never going to let us hurt the Wall-Mart.
That's not what I said!
[Stan comes back]
Dude, come on.
He's working for the Wall-Mart to stop us from succeeding!
Dude, we have to go.
Alright. Cartman, let's blow this popsicle stand!
[off screen] Hurry up!
He he, you stupid fools have no idea that I'm actually working for the Wall-Mart to stop you from succeeding!
[The boys finally reach Arkansas in a bus]
Goddamn, that took a long time.
Well, It would have been faster if Cartman didn't slashed the tires.
[As Stan, Kyle, and Kenny prepare to infiltrate and destroy Wall-Mart, they are confronted by Cartman wielding a dagger:]
Wall-Mart's a great store! I cannot let you fools ruin its terrific bargains. You see, I was working for Wall-Mart all along!
I knew you were.
No, you didn't.
(frustrated) Yes, I did. I said from the beginning that you would do this!
No, you didn't.
Yes, I did!
No, you didn't!
Yes, I did!
No, you didn't!
[Kyle and Cartman argue back and forth like this until they're shouting at the same time.]
(after a brief silence) You see, Kyle, it was me who slashed the bus tires-
(speaking over him) -slashed the bus tires in Arkansas. I said so! I told you the minute-
(places hands over ears) LALALALALA! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
Hey, I told you-
I CAN'T HEAR YOU! LALALALALA!
[They both go silent]
(brandishes dagger again) I'm sorry, boys, but if you want to hurt the Wall-Mart, you'll have to go through me.
We don't have time for this! Kenny, keep him away from us.
[Stan and Kyle go around Cartman, while Kenny steps up and faces him.]
Very well, Kenny. Let us battle!
[Kenny starts hitting Cartman]
Ow! Kenny! Kenny, knock it off!
S8 E10Pre-School
[when the boys are all in preschool]
Dude, let's play firemen!
Totally dude, let's play fireman!
Jews can't be firemen!
Shut up, fatass!
Don't call me fat you stupid Jew!
He's gonna kill us. We gotta tell our parents!
We can't go tell our parents, dude! We lied to everybody! Nobody knows we're responsible for Ms. Claridge's accident!
Shh! Here comes Ms. Claridge now.
[Ms. Claridge appears in a trauma chair with a yellow light in the middle]
BBoys
Hello, Ms. Claridge.
[Ms. Claridge stops in front of the boys and turns to them]
Are you having a nice day, Ms. Claridge?
[The yellow light on Ms. Claridge's trauma chair beeps once, meaning yes]
[pushes Butters outside the house, forcing him to go outside and play] Butters, play! Start playing right now, young man!
[At the hospital… Stan and his friends are horrified of Butters being tortured by Trent Boyett when they come to visit him and his parents]
What happened to him, Doctor?
From the test results, it would appear your child was tortured by a bully. He received a massive snuggie; his underwear pulled up so high, it nearly killed him. He also received two Indian sunburns on his forearms, a charlie horse on the thigh, and a second-degree titty-twister. And from the damage to his head area, it appears he was also given a swirly-- a colossal one. It also looks like he received a noogie, and a Polish bike ride.
Boys, you have to let him rest. Some mean kid gave him a Texas Chili Bowl.
What's that?
It involves Tabasco sauce, a telephone, and the anus.
[After Ms. Claridge gets injured]
OOfficer
Ms. Claridge, did Trent Boyett do this to you? [Ms. Claridge beeps twice, which is supposed to mean no; misunderstanding] Yes, yes. Take him away!
TTrent
No, you gotta listen to me!
S8 E12Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset
CChauffeur
Oh, dear.
Another dog killed itself!
[opening her new store] Have fun, girls, and remember to party and be super-lame to everybody.
[walks up to a group of girls and flips each one off in turn] Fuck you, Millie! Fuck you, Annie! Fuck you, Bebe! Fuck you, whatever-your-name-is! A-a-a-and Fuck you, bitch!
[after Mr. Slave shoves Paris Hilton up his anus] Now that's a whore!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.