BBeary
But, does that mean you killed the mountain lion?
DDeery
For real and for true?
I'm sure. It won't be hurting you anymore.
He did it! Now our critter Christmas can finally happen! (raises arm in a salute) Hail Satan!
CCritters
(raise arms) Hail Satan!
(confused) Wait, wha-what?
You've done us a huge favor, Stanny! Without the mountain lion around, the Lady Porcupiney can give birth to the Antichrist!
Wai-wait, the Antichrist?! You said she was giving birth to your savior!
Yeah, to the Son of our Lord, Satan, Prince of Darkness.
(stunned) But I thought you meant the Son of God!
DDeery
Well, think about it: You really think God would have sex with a porcupine?
CYChickadee-y
No way! Only Satan, Prince of Darkness and King of all Evil would do that! Yay!
This is cause for celebration! Let's sacrifice Rabbity and eat his flesh!
Yay! Sacrifice me to the Devil!
[enters the restroom, reluctantly goes to the toilet, and looks down at the bowl] I don't know if you can hear me, but I've been kinda wishing for a Christmas miracle. If miracles can still even happen, please, make it happen now?
[After a moment, a light shines from behind him and starts flickering; The Woodland Critters magically appear]
BBeary
Look, guys! It's Stanny!
WCWoodland Critters
Stanny!
[turns around; horrified] Oh, no!
OH, NO! [quickly runs out of the restroom]
[The Woodland Critters follow Stan outside the retirement home]
[angrily] What do you guys want?!
Well, didn't you hear, Stan? Satan's gonna give birth to the Anti-Christ!
BBeary
Yeah, he's gonna have a butt baby and there's gonna be a big crap out!
CYChikadee-y
And nobody loves a crap out more than us!
Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, this doesn't make any sense! You guys are just something that Cartman made up in his head!
BBeary
[looking at each other] Uhh, are you really gonna over-analyze a crap out?
No way, crap outs have no rules!
Alright, y'all. Stan was just here to help the Prince of Darkness, so we gotta do what he says.
I didn't wish for that! I didn't know anything about Satan having a baby or crap outs!
But you asked for a Christmas miracle, Stan. And this crap out's gonna make everything better!
[thinking about it] It is? Are you sure?
WWoodpeckery
Of course! Crap outs are the best!
Come on, let's get to it!
Okay, hold on a second. You said that Satan was in Washington, D.C.?
Yeah, he was! And now he's about to be here!
But how can you know that?
Oh, for Pete's sake, Stanny. Will you just get on board with the crap out already?
Don't worry, Stanny. Everything has been foretold and nothing can stop the antichrist from comin'!
WWoodpeckery
Except, of course, for Peter Thiel.
Woodland Critters [unsettled] Ooooh.
SSkunky
P-P-P-Peter Thiel?
Wait, you mean the "6-7" guy?
Yeah, he did a big dumb assembly at the school.
RRaccoony
What are you gonna do, Stanny?
Are you gonna kill him and eat him?
Alright, look. If I'm gonna get on board with something, I need it to make a little bit of sense.
BBeary
Well, okay, Susan Sontag. We'll make sure it all lines up perfectly for you.
South Park · 1,569 quotes
