Beavery quotes from South Park

The little critters cheered and Beavery said with a smile

How would you like to sing and dance with us for a while?

The boy in the red poof ball hat smiled and said...

Stan

(does not smile) Uh, no thanks, I'm gonna go home.

Stanny, you're alive.

But, does that mean you killed the mountain lion?

Stan

It's dead.

For real and for true?

Are you sure?

Stan

I'm sure. It won't be hurting you anymore.

He did it! Now our critter Christmas can finally happen! (raises arm in a salute) Hail Satan!

(raise arms) Hail Satan!

Stan

(confused) Wait, wha-what?

You've done us a huge favor, Stanny! Without the mountain lion around, the Lady Porcupiney can give birth to the Antichrist!

Yaaay!

Stan

Wai-wait, the Antichrist?! You said she was giving birth to your savior!

Yeah, to the Son of our Lord, Satan, Prince of Darkness.

Stan

(stunned) But I thought you meant the Son of God!

Well, think about it: You really think God would have sex with a porcupine?

No way! Only Satan, Prince of Darkness and King of all Evil would do that! Yay!

This is cause for celebration! Let's sacrifice Rabbity and eat his flesh!

Yay! Sacrifice me to the Devil!

Look, there's Santa Claus!

Let's eat his flesh!

[certainly not his usual jolly self] Alright, what the HELL IS GOING ON?! Why is there a red star glowing in the sky?!

Stan

[enters the restroom, reluctantly goes to the toilet, and looks down at the bowl] I don't know if you can hear me, but I've been kinda wishing for a Christmas miracle. If miracles can still even happen, please, make it happen now?

Yay!

Look, guys! It's Stanny!

Stanny!

Stan

[turns around; horrified] Oh, no!

Did you miss us, Stan?

Stan

OH, NO! [quickly runs out of the restroom]

Stan

[angrily] What do you guys want?!

Well, didn't you hear, Stan? Satan's gonna give birth to the Anti-Christ!

Yeah, he's gonna have a butt baby and there's gonna be a big crap out!

And nobody loves a crap out more than us!

Stan

Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, this doesn't make any sense! You guys are just something that Cartman made up in his head!

[looking at each other] Uhh, are you really gonna over-analyze a crap out?

No way, crap outs have no rules!

Alright, y'all. Stan was just here to help the Prince of Darkness, so we gotta do what he says.

Stan

I didn't wish for that! I didn't know anything about Satan having a baby or crap outs!

But you asked for a Christmas miracle, Stan. And this crap out's gonna make everything better!

Stan

[thinking about it] It is? Are you sure?

Of course! Crap outs are the best!

Come on, let's get to it!

Stan

Okay, hold on a second. You said that Satan was in Washington, D.C.?

Yeah, he was! And now he's about to be here!

Stan

But how can you know that?

Oh, for Pete's sake, Stanny. Will you just get on board with the crap out already?

Don't worry, Stanny. Everything has been foretold and nothing can stop the antichrist from comin'!

Except, of course, for Peter Thiel.

P-P-P-Peter Thiel?

Stan

Wait, you mean the "6-7" guy?

You know Peter Thiel?

Stan

Yeah, he did a big dumb assembly at the school.

He's here?!

What are you gonna do, Stanny?

Are you gonna kill him and eat him?

Stan

Alright, look. If I'm gonna get on board with something, I need it to make a little bit of sense.

Well, okay, Susan Sontag. We'll make sure it all lines up perfectly for you.