TV show quotes
I guess you don't care about what Tweek said about your mom.
Nope! [slams the door shut]
[surprised] God damn it. [knocks on door again. Craig answers again] Oh, I guess you don't want to hear what he had to say about your guinea pig?
Said what?! What did he say about Stripe?
Oh nothing, just that you stick it up your leg before you go to bed every night.
That son of a bitch, I'll kill him!
[Tweek and Craig are wrestling each other]
Don't screw around!
[Kenny clings to the jigsaw to avoid getting hurt by Tweek and Craig]
Stop screwing around! Hey, you're screwing around too much!
[Kenny's parka gets caught in the spinning blade, causing him to get flung into a box of rusty nails]
Oh, my God! They killed Kenny!
You bastards!
I requested to be in shop class, but they sent me here.
That's right, Wendy. You see, some of you girls will go on to have interesting jobs and careers. But all of you pretty ones won't have to worry about that, because you can marry a nice man. And that's why we have home EC.
Richard, aren't you going to invite me in?
Why?
Well, I thought maybe you would at least at-tempt to make love to me tonight.
Oh, well, uh, I can't. I left the oven on.
Oh, Richard, why can't you open your heart to me? Why?
I just... I can't. Oh, I know. I have genital warts. [he begins closing the door]
We'll use plastic wrap.
Nope. Sorry. Maybe some other time. [shuts the door on her face]
You're supposed to lose, you idiot!
Where am I?
[From this point on the male Jakovasaur is known as Jakov]
Whoo, Niners! Go, Niners!
Uh we're rooting for the Broncos here, Jakov.
[pause] Whooooo, Niners!
Now, wait a minute. I wanna clear the air here. We all know that pigeon was a whore. Raise your hand if you didn't sleep with that pigeon? [everybody around him raises his or her hand] Oh, whatever!
Young man, we're making you an honorary Department of Interior person. You are officially in charge of South Park's fish and wildlife. You have authority over all of them.
[disbelieving pause] I have authoritah?
That's right, and people must respect it.
Well, that should be fine—just fine.
Fine, just fine.
Fine.
Hey Ned, look what I bought you! A new voice box [teases Ned a while] Want it? You want it? Yeah, you want it. Here. Try it out, Ned.
[in an Irish accent] Ah, Jimbo, I can't thank you enough for the new voice box. [realizes he's got an Irish accent] What the devil is this, then?
Aw, no! I must've picked up the Irish model by mistake.
[still in an Irish accent] Oh, what a bloody pickle this is. Did ya keep the receipt then?
Oh, no, there's nothing worse than Cartman with authoritah!
[The boys are camping by the pond]
Hey guys, check out this song I made up, it's called "I hate you guys." [singing] I hate you guys! You guys are assholes! Especially Kenny! I hate him the most!
Who lives in the east 'neath the willow tree?
Sexual Harassment… Panda!
Who explains sexual harassment to you and me?
Sexual Harassment… Panda!
Don't say that, don't touch there…
Don't be nasty says the silly bear!
He's come to tell you what's right and wrong…
Sexual Harassment… Panda!
Now kids we're going to talk about sexual harassment
Is sexual harassment when you're making out with a girl and a guy tickles your balls from behind?
No, Cartman, That's not sexual harassment.
You see, Kyle, we live in a liberal, democratic society. And democrats make sexual harassment laws. These laws tell us what we can and can't say in the workplace, and what we can and can't do in the workplace.
Isn't that fascism?
No, because we don't call it fascism. Do you understand?
Do you?
When one Panda puts his furry little willy in another Panda's ear, that makes me a saaaaaaaaad Panda.
How would you like a big Panda punch in your puss?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
