Bart Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

AAAH! SIDESHOW BOB!

Bart

You wrote me those letters!

Marge

You awful man! Stay away from my son!

Sideshow Bob

[menacing] Oh, I'll stay away from your son, all right! Stay away... FOREVER!

Homer

Oh no!

Sideshow Bob

Wait a minute. That's no good. [walks away, then runs back] Wait, I've got a good one now! Marge, say "stay away from my son" again.

Marge

No!

Homer

BART DO YOU WANT SOME BROWNIES BEFORE YOU GO TO BED?!

Homer

Let me cut you a brownie while they're still hot!

Bart

Dad, I'm kind of edgy right now. I'd appreciate you not coming in my room screaming and brandishing a butcher's knife!

Homer

Why? [looks at the knife in his hand] Oh, right! The Sideshow Bob thing! I'm sorry, boy.

Homer

BART YOU WANNA SEE MY NEW CHAINSAW AND HOCKEY MASK?! [stands over Bart revving the chainsaw]

Homer

Oh, sorry! What am I thinking?

Bart

Take 'im away, boys.

Hey, I'm the chief here! Bake 'im away, toys.

Lou

What'd you say, chief?

Do what the kid says.

Homer

Aw, where did I lose 'em? I'll never wiggle my bare butt in public again.

Lisa

I'd like to believe that this time. I really would.

Marge

Bart, run down to the store and get a bag of ice for your father.

Bart

Yes'm. Dad, I know you're discouraged, but please, don't deny the world your fat can.

Homer

Don't worry, boy. He'll be ready for your Aunt Selma's birthday.

Lisa

I knew it.

Bart

[sees a school bus inside the painting] The School Bus? Oh, they must mean The Ghoul Bus!

Lisa

Nope, says right there: [points the painting and reads it] "School Bus".

Bart

You're absolutely right, Homer. We don't need a babysitter.

Homer

[suspicious] Wait a second... [pulls a card from his pocket: "ALWAYS DO OPPOSITE OF WHAT BART SAYS"] Hmm...you kids do need a babysitter.

Bart

Blast that infernal card! [to Homer] Don't give that card to me.

Homer

Here you g-- [pulls back] No!

Bart

Hey, it's morning and Mom and Dad aren't home yet.

Lisa

Don't worry. Mr. Hutz is still here to take care of us.

Lionel Hutz

[defensively] Don't touch my stuff! [realizes that he just scared Bart, Lisa, and Maggie; sheepishly, as he sits on the couch with a confused expression on his face] H-Hey, this isn't the YMCA.

Kent Brockman

A new mood is in the air in Springfield as refreshing as a moistened towelette. Folks are finally accepting their feelings and freely communicating with no holding back. And this reporter thinks it's about [beep]ing time! Of course all these good feelings can be traced to one feisty little scamp who taught us that if it feels good, do it! [squirts whipped cream into his mouth]

Bart

Lis, today I am a God.

Lisa

Is that why you're sitting on an ice cream sandwich?

Bart

Ewww...

Bart

Aw man, how are we supposed to kill the rest of the afternoon?

You mustn't kill time boys, you must cherish it, seize the day. Can I have some change to go get me loaded?

Bart

The beauty of it is, each parking space is a mere one foot narrower indistinguishable to the naked eye but therein lies the game!

I fear to watch! I cannot turn away!

Bart

[to bullies in his normal self] Gentlemen, the nerd you knew is dead. Beat me, and you will be beating one of your own.

Kearney

Whatever! [they beat Bart anyway]

Bart

[horrified] The burglar even took my stamp collection!

Lisa

[amused] You had a stamp collection?

[on the phone] Stamp collection? Ha-ha!

Bart

You're right, Mom. I shouldn't let this bother me. I'm in television now. It's my job to be repetitive. My job. My job. Repetitiveness is my job. [to Marge] I'm gonna go out there and give the best performance of my life!

Marge

The best performance of your life?

Bart

The best performance of my life!

Lisa

[to Bart] And now you can go back to just being you, instead of a one-dimensional character with a silly catchphrase.

Homer

[breaking a lamp] D'oh!

Bart

Ay, caramba!

Marge

[groans]

Maggie

[sucks her pacifier]

Flanders

Hi-dilly-ho!

Barney

[belches]

Ha, ha!

Mr. Burns

Excellent.

Lisa

If anyone wants me, I'll be in my room. [She walks away.]

Homer

What kind of catchphrase is that?

Bart

I'm telling you, I do work on the Krusty show. Look at the Credits! [presses "play"]

Krusty

Bye bye, kids! [laughs] [credits roll, then after a few seconds they are squeezed for a news promo]

Kent Brockman

I'm Kent Brockman. On the 11:00 news tonight, a certain kind of soft drink has been found to be lethal. We won't tell you which one after sports and the weather with Funny Sonny Storm.

Bart

[Pausing the tape and pointing to his name on the screen] There's my name, right here, Bart Simpson.

Looks more like Brad Storch.

Martin

No, it says Betty. Betty Symington.

[Punching Bart in the stomach] That's for taking credit for other people's work.