[after seeing an episode of Up Late with McBain, where Rainier Wolfcastle gets booed for his homophobic joke about Scoey's outfit]
Bart [disgusted]: This is horrible!
Lisa [disappointed, but not surprised]: The FOX network has sunk to a new low.
“Cape Feare” · Season 5
In this episode: Homer Simpson (4), Sideshow Bob (4), Bart Simpson (3), Chief Wiggum (2), Marge Simpson (1), Lisa Simpson (1), Ned Flanders (1), Clancy Wiggum (1)
LBLisa and Bart
AAAH! SIDESHOW BOB!
You wrote me those letters!
You awful man! Stay away from my son!
[menacing] Oh, I'll stay away from your son, all right! Stay away... FOREVER!
Oh no!
Wait a minute. That's no good. [walks away, then runs back] Wait, I've got a good one now! Marge, say "stay away from my son" again.
No!
[Sideshow Bob grumbles and walks away]
But what about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn't it say, "Die Bart, Die?"
No, that's German for "The Bart, The."
JJuror
No one who speaks German could be an evil man.
Now Sideshow Bob can't get in without me knowing. And once a man is in your home, anything you do to him is nice and [winks] legal.
Is that so? [yells out kitchen window] Oh, Flanders? Won't you join me in my kitchen? [Ned turns off the hose. Homer stands on the wall next to the kitchen arch, preparing to strike Flanders] Heh-heh-heh-heh...
Uh, it doesn't work when you invite 'em.
Hidilly-hey!
Go home.
Toodledy-do!
[Homer has hired a detective to take care of Sideshow Bob]
DDetective
Now, don't you fret. When I'm through, he won't set foot in this town again. I can be very, very persuasive. [Holsters a gun]
[Detective is at a bar with Sideshow Bob]
DDetective
[whining] C'mon, leave town!
No.
DDetective
I'll be your friend!
No.
DDetective
Oh, you're mean!
[the Simpsons are being placed in the Federal Witness Protection Program]
F1FBI Agent #1
Tell you what, sir, from now on, you'll be Homer Thompson at Terror Lake. Let's just practice a bit, hmm? When I say "hello, Mr. Thompson", you'll say "hi".
Check!
F1FBI Agent #1
Hello, Mr. Thompson. [Homer doesn't respond and stares blankly] Remember now, your name is Homer Thompson.
I gotcha.
F1FBI Agent #1
Hello, Mr. Thompson.
[again Homer doesn’t respond and stares blankly. The FBI agents exchange looks]
[hours pass by]
F1FBI Agent #1
[frustrated] Argh... Now when I say "hello, Mr. Thompson" and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.
No problem.
F1FBI Agent #1
[stepping hard on Homer's foot] Hello, Mr. Thompson.
[still doesn't respond and stares blankly again for a few seconds, then whispers to the other FBI agent] I think he's talking to you.
[the FBI agent facepalms]
[Homer busts into Bart's room at night with glowing eyes and a knife]
BART DO YOU WANT SOME BROWNIES BEFORE YOU GO TO BED?!
[Bart screams]
[Homer switches back to normal, holding a brownie tray]
Let me cut you a brownie while they're still hot!
Dad, I'm kind of edgy right now. I'd appreciate you not coming in my room screaming and brandishing a butcher's knife!
Why? [looks at the knife in his hand] Oh, right! The Sideshow Bob thing! I'm sorry, boy.
[Homer puts the knife down, kisses Bart gently on the forehead, and walks out of the room. Bart turns over to go to sleep and Homer busts back in.]
BART YOU WANNA SEE MY NEW CHAINSAW AND HOCKEY MASK?! [stands over Bart revving the chainsaw]
[Bart screams louder]
[Homer returns to normal]
Oh, sorry! What am I thinking?
[Homer kisses Bart on the forehead and walks out of the room]
Hold it right there, Sideshow Bob. You're under arrest.
[furious] By Lucifer's beard!
Uh, yeah. It's a good thing you drifted by this brothel.
Take 'im away, boys.
Hey, I'm the chief here! Bake 'im away, toys.
What'd you say, chief?
Do what the kid says.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.