What did I tell you, Stan?! We saved the baby calves from being eaten and now we're no-good DIRTY GOD DAMN HIPPIES!!!
S6 E4Fun with Veal
[to a baby cow] Go ahead, that's more for us. You want some beef jerky, buddy? Yes, who's the buddy? Who's hungry? Who's the hungry man?
Dude, that's messed up!
[Cartman is talking to an FBI negotiator.]
We'll give you one calf, if you give us...some guns and ammunition of our own!
GDGlen Dumont
What?! I--I can't do that!
Oh, I'm sorry. I thought we were talking here, but I guess you're not talking to me. Good-bye.
GDGlen Dumont
No, no wait, oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Uh, you're right. What reason do you have to trust me? I'm just a guy from Lakewood trying to make ends meet, you know? Just a blue-collar guy like your dad.
Don't have a dad, Mike. That's not going to work.
[The phone rings; Cartman picks up]
Mike.
MMike
How we doing?
We got a sick kid here, Mike. Did you get the other things?
MMike
Well, I did manage to get the FDA to officially change "veal" to "tortured baby cow," but I couldn't get North or South Dakota.
Oh, Mike, you're breaking my balls!
FLFBI Leader
All right that's it. You are in fact the worst negotiator I've ever seen in action.
MMike
All right, I'll give you that. But in exchange I want 3 staples.
FLFBI Leader
Get the hell out of here!
What are you waiting for? Go kill them, Worf!
MDMichael Dorn
I'm not killing anybody!
Ugh! Some goddamned Klingon you are!
He's very lucky you got him here when you did. He was in a very advanced state of vaginitis.
Vaginitis?
It occurs when a person stops eating meat. Those sores on his skin were actually small vaginas. If we hadn't stopped it in time, Stan would have eventually just become one great big giant pussy.
Whoa, dude.
We've got an IV of pure beef blood pumping into Stan's veins and the... sores are fading.
Thank God we stopped it in time.
Well, I guess we learned something today: it's wrong to eat veal because the animals are so horribly mistreated, but if you don't eat meat at all you break out in vaginas.
Hear hear.
All right boys, it's time to go home. You've got some serious grounding time to start.
I'll say!
Aw, we're still grounded?
But, but we, we learned things, and took up a cause.
Yes Kyle, but you still defied your parents. And you need to learn that terrorism is never the answer.
That's right, let's get these terrorists to their rooms. [Sternly] But first, [softens] maybe we can grab some burgers.
BThe Boys
All right!
S6 E5The New Terrance and Phillip Movie Trailer
BBarkeep
Look, this is a bar! We can't have children in here. People come here for debauchery and sin!
Butters will give hand jobs in the corner for a dollar.
Well sure! I'm good at all kinds of jobs.
Oh Jesus! Now where do we go?
We've tried everywhere! Butters, are you absolutely sure we can't go to your house?
I'm sure! There's no way!
Uh, why not?!
Uh, because! Uh my parents are out of town, and I don't have a babysitter.
[glares at Butters] Oh, god damn it, you better be kidding!
No, I really don't have a babysitter.
So, from now on, I'm gonna spend all my spare time fighting cancer. [gets in a fighting stance] RIGHT! Where is that pussy cancer, anyway?!
[later]
Well, we couldn't find cancer, but we found a man with cancer. [brings out a sickly cancer patient and begins beating him severely] Take THAT, cancer! And THAT!
My fighting's poetry! You don't edit Russell Crowe's poetry, ya testicle! [beats up the editor]
CChef
Hello, is this customer service? I'm having a problem with my new Television: it's sprouted laser guns and started walking around shooting people.
S6 E6Professor Chaos
The boys have decided to cut Butters off from their friend group. They dress formally and "fire" him like in an office.
I'm afraid we going to have to let you go...as our friend. You're just too...
Lame.
Lame, yes.
But I can get better!
Butters, you just don't really fit in with us here. We think it's best for all of us if you look for friendship opportunities elsewhere.
But we certainly want to thank you for all your hard work in the attempts to be our friend. Lame as they were.
[as Professor Chaos] Hello, Stella Dallas. I am Professor Chaos, and I'm gonna make you proud.
[high] Well, I really hope I win 'cause... Wait, what is this again? Oh, man, I have no idea what's going on.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.