Stan, you can't let that Tad guy get to you, screw him, dude.
Dude, I have to...he's got Heather!
[silence]
You don't even know Heather!
I know, I know, but I have to do this. I'm not going to die, I mean how bad could the K-13 be?
[An old man walks into the shot]
OMOld Man
The K-13? You don't want to go down that run. That run's got a history. Thirty-five people have died going down it and some say you can still see their ghosts up there. I was on that very ski run and then a group of students were killed by a wolf-boy who escaped from the mental institution. You see, that ski run was once a burial ground to a tribe of vampire Wichita Indians who ate the flesh of children with no eyes... Yap, lot of history on that ski run.
[silence]
Just what did you think you were doing, Butters? Not only did you lie to us and say you were on a camping trip with Kyle's family, you made a fool of yourself AND us on national television!
[still wearing his balls, looking hurt] Oh I'm sorry, mom.
Well, sorry isn't gonna make it this time, mister! You know, your grandmother saw the show and had a mild stroke!
Aw jeez, ah I didn't mean to almost kill Grandma. I promise I'll never go on TV with balls on my chin again.
Ugh! You'd better believe you won't, buster!
Your father and I have to leave now to visit Grandma in the hospital, but you can just take those balls off your chin and march right up to your room!
[with voice trembling, turns around] Yes ma'am. [removes his balls]
Serves me right! Putting balls on my chin and lying about it. Why I, I should be grounded for a month! Why do I do these things? Why can't I behave myself? [his phone rings. Butters goes for the receiver]
[on the other end] Hey Butters, those other freak people from the show were just over here looking for you?
Yeah, they wanted to find you bad.
Well Oh, God! W-whatdya tell him?
I- told them where to find you.
What?? W-why the heck would you do that. Wuh they wanna kill me for not being a real freak!
Oh. Well, serves you right for screwing us over. [hangs up. Butters looks helpless, then walks to the window to see if the freaks are coming. They are indeed]
MWMan with Terrible Skin Condition
The first group will be led by Incredibly Obese Black Man.
LSLarge-Sized African-American Freak
Excuse me, I'm not Incredibly Obese Black Man. I'm Incredibly Black Obese Man.
MWMan with Terrible Skin Condition
Oh right, my bad.
I've got to get back to my family.
MWMan with Terrible Skin Condition
We're your family too, Napoleon. We're like you. When we look at you, we don't even see the testicles on your chin, we see the testicles in your heart.
AMAudience Member
They're right. We should have never crossed that picket line. [rest of audience agrees with him and they all begin to leave the set]
MPMaury Povich
Wait, wait, come back. Maybe we can get the other out- of-control kids to take off their clothes too.
Whatever, I'll crap in Maury's pants!
[Stan and Kyle are banging on Cartman's window]
[in his sleep] No, Uncle Jesse, no!
What the hell are you guys doing?
We're going to go save the baby cows, fatass.
'Cause they're going to get slaughtered tomorrow, butthole.
We can't let them die, douche-bag. You're our friend.
Well, let's see. In the last 3.2 seconds you've called me fatass, butthole and douchebag. I don't feel like you guys are friends.
But, Stan, you said we're just using him so you can get his Mission Impossible Breaking and Entering play set!
Damn it, Butters! Will you shut up?!
Aha, aha! You do need me and my Mission Impossible play set!
Okay, I'll go, if Kyle will kiss my black ass. [lowers pants to show his butt]
Just give it a little kiss and I'll help.
Okay, but if you want my help you have to give it just a little kiss. [softly] Kiss it.
Go on, dude it's the only way.
Kiss it. Come on. [gruffly] Kiss it.
Just do it really fast, and we can go.
No, it has to be Kyle. [turns away. Kyle resists for a few moments, then slowly moves his face towards Cartman's ass through the window. Kyle finally reaches the ass and Cartman farts in his face]
Awww! [wipes off his face and then waves away the smell]
[laughs uproariously] Oh, man, that was Soho awesome!
Sick! I felt it on my face!
Okay, very funny, Cartman, now come on!
Well, I'm not going with you!
[Kyle screams and jumps on Cartman]
[When Stan locks himself in his room with Kyle, Cartman, and Kyle, and the calves after he refused to give Rancher Bob his calves...]
[pounds on the door, trying to open it] Stanley! Stanley, you open this door right now or you're gonna get it!
Stan, you're behaving like a kid!
You're the ones who made me eat veal without telling me what it was! You're the ones who knew we were making little baby animals suffer!
Oh Jeez, he said "ass" to his parents.
You're getting in pretty deep, dude.
