Well, Potty, I guess you were right. The future is cool.
Just when to show you, there's no hard feelings and I got you a present from prehistoric times.
Oh, what is it, a new loincloth?
[Potty opens the door, revealing a T-rex, which growls at Patchy. Patchy shouts, his eyes bugging out, and he runs out. The T-Rex gives chase.]
Potty! [continues hollering as he runs off]
[watches from the window with popcorn and a soda, squawk] This is great.
[The dinosaur has grabbed Patchy, who shouts. Patchy is on his side, his feet inside the t-rex's jaws]
[hollering, then stops] Well, thanks for watching SpongeBob B.C., kids. Bye! [continues hollering, then laughing] Now he's tickling. Cut it out, you rascal! [continues laughing]
[The scene opens up in front of Nickelodeon Animation Studios in Burbank, California, where a security guard is standing by the gate]
Last week, a never-before-seen episode of SpongeBob SquarePants was discovered under a desk at Nickelodeon Studios. [black and white footage of a large crowd of excited people is shown] Now all the world is waiting in fevered anticipation to watch... [the title appears on screen] the SpongeBob SquarePants Lost Episode. [an aerial shot of the town of Encino appears] Now, to present the Lost Episode, from Encino, California, the president of the SpongeBob SquarePants fan club, Patchy the Pirate. [inside his house, Patchy is inside the shower, humming; Potty flies up]
Patchy, Patchy, the kids are here. [flushes the toilet]
Wagh! [opens the curtain in panic] Hot! Hot! Hot! Potty, don't you know this is Patchy's private time? [looks at the camera] Oh, hello. Dahh! [covers himself with the curtain] What are you all doing here?
They're here to see the lost episode. Brawk!
But I haven't got the lost episode because I... well, I lost it. [breaks down sobbing]
CChildren
[off-screen] No, Patchy, please! Don't say that, Patchy. Please!
But it is. It's lost and I have no idea where it is, so it's best if you forget all about old SpongeBob. [shuts the curtain and wails. Cuts to a montage of SpongeBob's greatest moments]
I don't believe I lost "The Lost Episode". [screws in his peg leg] I never lose anything.
Hey, it's a map. It's a map to the lost episode of "SpongeBob" I lost.
[grabs the popcorn] This is gonna be great. [a countdown, starting at ten, appears on the screen] I can't believe it, more SpongeBob. [starts eating the popcorn; the countdown makes its way down to five] This is so exciting! [laughs, shaking the popcorn, which flies everywhere; the countdown ends] Here it comes.
["Walk Cycles" begins on the TV screen; SpongeBob is walking down the road while techno music plays in the background; his body squishes up, then returns to normal; then, his body extends and his arms flail around; he returns to normal, then squishes up three times, shrinking smaller and smaller, in synchronization with the music; extends his body again; once again, squishes up smaller and smaller in synchronization with the music; extends his body again; starts running frantically while sweating and looking left to right; extends his body, this time with his tongue sticking out and flailing around; begins frantically running again; his limbs and body separate and his eyes pop out of his head; begins walking normally again; "Walk Cycles" ends; color bars appear on the TV, along with a beeping noise; Patchy and Potty stare blankly for a moment]
That's it? That's the Lost Episode? That was just a bunch of cheap walk cycles!
What a rip. [This makes Patchy very angry.]
[enraged] SpongeBob betrayed us! [disposes all of his SpongeBob merchandise as he breaks down in tears] I'm sorry I ever started this stupid fan club in the first place. I'm gonna get rid of all my SpongeBob stuff. All of it! All of it! [rips his underwear out of his pants] All of it! I'm gonna run away. That's what I'll do! Run away! [sobs as he runs out through the door]
AAnnouncer
And now the real Lost Episode.
[noticing the countdown is going to start] Patchy, come back, there's more.
[realizes] Really? [goes back inside the house and reverses everything he did, then he sits back down] Hooray! Let's watch.
[puts on his safety glasses; turns into a spring and bounces after the jellyfish; stops in midair and looks down] Huh? [stretches out and starts falling downward, now in normal form] [screams and hits the ground] Ooh! [separates into nine smaller SpongeBobs. Eight of them panic in a circle and then join back together. The ninth SpongeBob then passes by laughing, which SpongeBob catches and places in an open space on his backside; wipes the sweat off his forehead] Phew! I salute you, old majestic jellyfish. [salutes a jellyfish that buzzes over his head] Your command of the sky is unmatched. Floating just out of the reach of my net, but near enough that I can see your untamed beauty. [a jellyfish floats up and down above SpongeBob's palm; music begins to play as a microphone lowers in front of him; he clears his throat] ♪If only I could join you there in the air. Floating free without a care. I wish I could fly. And see things with a different eye.♪ [SpongeBob's two eyes combine into one big eye; the camera zooms into it and his pupil becomes him flying through the sky] ♪I would fly so very high and touch the sky.♪ [flies through a cloud] ♪And never have to ask why it is that I can't fly--♪ [the blue sky backdrop turns back into Jellyfish Fields, and SpongeBob falls to the ground; he gets up] Wait a minute. I'm forgetting the words of Grandpa SquarePants. [a thought cloud appears above SpongeBob's head; SpongeBob's grandfather is inside of it]
If we were meant to fly, we'd have propellers on our heads or jet engines on our backs. [the cloud disappears]
[snaps] I'm gonna follow his advice, by gum. I'll invent a flying machine.
Well, it's like my grandpa used to say. [a thought cloud appears over his head; Grandpa SquarePants is inside it again]
If we were meant to fly... [notices Patrick] Hey, I'm not your grandfather! [pokes Patrick in the head with his cane; the thought cloud disappears]
Well, here I go, Patrick! [runs to the front] I'm off to fly with the jellyfish! Ignition, check! [spins the propeller around] Landing gear... [kicks the tire] check! Complimentary peanuts... [holds up a bag of peanuts] check-a-rooni. [hops into the cockpit, now with a hat and glasses on] Ready for takeoff! [pushes a handle forward; the plane starts up, then comes to pieces; the propeller spins through the air and slices through a grain silo next to the farm; sand pours out of it and covers him and Patrick]
You cut a hole in Farmer Jenkins' grain silo!
JJenkins
[runs up] I knew no good would come from city folk and their flying machines. Now git! [Patrick and SpongeBob run away]
We better do what he says. He knows how to grow food!
Go! [Patrick starts pedaling; lifts up off the bucket he is standing on and flies through the air] It's working! I'm flying! [flies past three fish on the side of the road]
Hey... I know you. Yeah, from today's paper! [holds up a newspaper with a picture of SpongeBob on the front page and the headline "Local Nutcase Tries to Fly"]
"Local nutcase tries to fly"?! I'm a nutcase because I follow my dreams? Well, they laughed at the guy who invented light bulbs, too!
[walks outside, and past Monroe and his Mother]
Look, mom, it's the Bird Man of Bikini Bottom.
MMother
Wow! I wonder why he's still using his legs!
Come on, Bird Man. Flap your wings and fly! [makes flapping motions; he and Incidental 115 laugh cruelly; SpongeBob walks away, only to encounter many other fish]
CFCap Fish
Hey, Bird Man, going to check on your eggs?
NNancy
Maybe he's looking for a statue to poop on.
[steps in front of SpongeBob and starts flapping his arms and making chicken noises; a crowd of fish around him laughs]
Go on and laugh, but it is a sad day in Bikini Bottom when a guy is ridiculed for having dreams! [two fish holding babies stand to the side of him]
M2Mother #2
You think you're the only one with unfulfilled dreams?
I was supposed to be a concert pianist... until I realized I didn't have any fingers. [looks at his hands]
NNancy
What makes you so special? [the crowd of fish turns into an angry mob, along with pitchfork and torches]
[the mob chases him; he starts panting, then stops] Huh? [camera zooms out to reveal SpongeBob just stepped off the edge of a cliff and he screams]
[screams as he lands in a Mud Removal truck] Ooh! [the truck makes a sharp turn and SpongeBob falls out, covered in mud; while falling] Well, it can't get any worse. D'oh! [lands in a Feather Delivery truck; sticks his head up, which is now covered with feathers] I guess I spoke too soon.
[Note: television version only] [the scene freezes] Will SpongeBob learn to fly? Stay tuned.
[A crowd of fish is searching for SpongeBob.]
[hiding behind a rock] If I don't give these feverish favor-seekers the slip, I'll never get to fly with the jellyfish. [quietly flies away]
Hey! There he is! [SpongeBob flies faster] He's getting away!
[The angry crowd chases after him, into Downtown Bikini Bottom; while SpongeBob flies past the buildings in a straight line, the crowd runs up and down each building; they stop at a cliff, before Jellyfish Fields; SpongeBob keeps flying.]
I'm almost at Jellyfish Fields. I'm gonna make it!
He's headed for Jellyfish Fields! We'll never catch him now!
CJCannonball Jenkins
[off-screen] I'll take care of this!
CCrowd
It's Cannonball Jenkins!
CJCannonball Jenkins
[inside a lit cannon, wearing a red helmet and suit; launches out of the cannon and toward SpongeBob; he collides with him, and SpongeBob's inflatable pants explode; the two hurtle toward the ground; SpongeBob falls even further as Cannonball Jenkins opens up a red parachute] I told you nothing good would come from city folk and their flying machines! [the crowd watches as SpongeBob crashes to the ground; they walk over]
What have we done? [starts to cry] Come on, everybody! I think a proper burial is in order. [picks up the pants] A pair of pants like these come around... once in a lifetime. [the crowd leaves; SpongeBob, now in his underwear, regains consciousness]
Well, it was fun while it lasted. [walks up to Jellyfish Fields, then walks away] I guess I'm not meant to fly after all. [sighs; starts to raise up in the air; a group of jellyfish are below him, carrying him up] Huh? Hey! My jellyfish friends are helping me fly! Without pants! I guess it just goes to show... [the jellyfish carry him back to Bikini Bottom] ♪You don't need a plane to fly♪ [Incidental 41 looks out the window at him] ♪Plastic wings may make you cry♪ [a flock of scallops fly by] ♪Kites are made for windy days. Lawn chair with balloons... fly away♪ [the crowd of fish bury SpongeBob's pants as the mourn over them] ♪Inflatable pants... you may as well skip!♪ [arrives at his home; the jellyfish put him back on the ground] ♪If you want to fly, all you need... is friendship. Yeah.♪ [the jellyfish buzz away; waves] Goodbye, jellies! You taught me a valuable lesson. Although I'm not quite sure what it was.
[walks up] Hey! Let's fly down to the pizza house for a slice.
No more flying for me, Patrick. I'll leave that to the jellyfish. [opens his door]
Suit yourself. [lifts up his arm and flies]
[turns back around] Did Patrick just...? [laughs] Nah! [enters his house again, but opens the door one last time, just to make sure]
[last lines]
No! [trying to stop the VHS tape reel from spitting out of the VCR] Stop, stop! Go back, infernal machine! [tangled up in black tape reels, television statics and Mariachi band members approach him] Oh, no. I've ruined the Lost Episode! Now it's lost forever!
Oh, boy. What a loser. Well, I guess the Lost Episode will remain lost but tape or no tape as long as there are stars in the sky, SpongeBob will always live in our hearts and in our minds. [a constellation of SpongeBob appears] Now get lost. I mean, bye. No, really. Get lost.
At least I still have my Sunday pedicure to look forward to. [SpongeBob and Patrick are laughing inside Squidward's house. Squidward opens his front door] What are you two doing in my house?
We're checking to make sure this guy really is a certified foot masseur and not some kind of assassin.
Well I say he checks out a-ok.
Squidward, have you ever seen more lovely French tips? [shows foot with long toenails]
French tips, huh?! [pushes SpongeBob and Patrick's chair out of the way] All right, pal, make with the relaxing foot massage, pronto!
HHarold (red fish)
Uh-oh. Uh, sorry. Your hour's up. [packs up and leaves]
Alright, you two. OUT! [SpongeBob and Patrick walk to the front door] And don't even think about dragging your empty skulls around here for the rest of the day! Or tomorrow, or next week!
Squidward, does that include-?
YES, IT DOES! [furiously slams the door shut]
Gee, Patrick, do you think Squidward was trying to tell us something?
[busts head through the door] YES, I WAS!!! You call yourselves good neighbors?! YOU'RE THE WORST NEIGHBORS EVER! [angrily inhales] You don't deserve to wear those FEZZES! [takes SpongeBob and Patrick's fezzes off and rapidly stomps them into the ground]
Gee, Pat, maybe President Squidward's right.
Yeah, I guess we aren't good neighbors after all.
NO, YOU AREN'T!!! YOU'RE HORRIBLE NEIGHBORS! [angrily inhales again] And STOP calling me president! [pops his head back inside]
Come on, let's go. [he and Patrick walk off sadly]
[after pushing the button, which causes Squidward's house sit on top of Squidward] We did it, Patrick! [Squidward busts through from beneath the floor] President Squidward?
[calmly] No-no, don't say anything more. This was all my fault. I was the one who wanted to relax on Sunday. Now, if you'll be so kind as to leave... [SpongeBob and Patrick walk out the door] ...so I can get ready for work tomorrow?
[savagely yells loudly; echoing] GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! [SpongeBob and Patrick get blown away; sees an angry mob] Huh?
[angrily pointing at Squidward] THERE HE IS!
ARAngry resident fish
Are you the owner of this house?
[angrily] Yes! Yes, I am!
ARAngry resident fish
Then on behalf the citizens of Bikini Bottom, I present you with this summons to pay for the destruction of our town. [hands Squidward the summons] You'll be doing community service every Sunday for the rest of your life. [walks off]
Huh? [twitches his left eye and looks at the camera]
Hey, Squidward, you got one of those, too? [SpongeBob and Patrick walk up with a summons in their hands] This'll be GREAT! The three of us cleaning up Bikini Bottom! Well, see ya next Sunday, President Squidward!
[Squidward flinches lividly as the episode ends]
CCarl
What's our motto here at Krabby O'Mondays?
[bored] "Sincere service with a smile."
CCarl
Well yes, but with the Krabby O'Mondays sprit! Now, Squidward, you wouldn't wanna have to talk to human resources. [A big buff fish threatens to punch Squidward from behind the HR door] Would you? So, what's our motto again?
[now nervous] Uh...uh. "S-sincere service..." [slaps himself and is now trying to look happy] "...with a smile!"
[The HR fish slides back into his room]
CCarl
Now you're getting it!
Hey, Carl, what have ya done with me restaurant?! Processed Krabby Patties? Computerized registers?!
CCarl
Look around you. Our customers are quite content with the contrived, and the mediocre. [customer falls asleep, snoring]
That's because they don't know what they're eating. [grabs a pile of the gray sludge from the Krabby Patty making machine in the kitchen, then walks up to a customer] 'Scuse me, ma'am. Do you know what's in that Krabby Patty you're eatin'?
[Mr. Krabs shows her a pile of the gray sludge to emphasize his point. The customer gasps, screams at the sight of it and runs out]
See that? Without all your smoke and mirrors, no one would stomach this garbage!
I4Incidental 42
What'd he say? Garbage?
[Customers notice what's in the Krabby Patties and everyone runs out. Mr. Krabs laughs as Carl takes out a book of rules, appears angry.]
CCarl
[annoyed] Eugene, you're in violation of your contract.
Rules! Here's a rule for ya: people can't eat stain glass barstools! [throws barstool into the big screen TV out of rage and takes the cash register to the kitchen] I'll show you automated! [runs off to the kitchen]
CCarl
[calls on his walkie-talkie] Mr. Blandy? Code red! Free thinker!
[Mr. Krabs shoves the cash register in the Krabby Patty making machine]
HBHoward Blandy
Mr. Krabs, is there a problem here?
You better believe there's a problem! I used to kiss the ground ya walked on, Blandy! But after seein' this, I wouldn't even spit in your direction! Krabby Patties are supposed to be made by hand, one at a time!
[Cut to the kitchen, where the Krabby Patty machine inflates and about to blow up. Cut back to Mr. Krabs.]
[Krabby O'Monday's begins to shake and make sirens, as Mr. Krabs suddenly notices. Howard and his team suddenly stop, eyes blank. Gray sludge begins to leak out of the kitchen into the main room.]
[The garbage blows up from the kitchen and blows everybody away off the Krabby O'Monday's including the employees. The restaurant blows up and got destroyed. Carl was seen floating away.]
CCarl
Does this mean I won't get that raise, sir?
HBHoward Blandy
[he looks at the restaurant which is destroyed by the gray meat] It's ruined!
FFriend
We'll have to sell it. We'll be lucky if we get a fraction of what we paid for it. [Mr. Krabs drives up with boat full of suitcases]
I'll buy it for full price!
FFriend
Sold. We won't need your contract anymore. [rips off the contract] Nice doing business with you.
Pleasure's all mine. Now get out of me restaurant. [laughs while Howard Blandy and his friends walk away sadly in humiliation, leaving SpongeBob and Squidward] Well, we did it, boys. [puts the hats on them] The Krusty Krab is ours again. Ya know, in that fit of maniacal rage, I may have destroyed the restaurant, scared away all our customers, and forced us into bankruptcy because I returned nearly every penny I sold this stink heap for, but it was all worth it. And, I got back the love of me dear friends.
No, not really. Get back to work! [he hands them Spatula and the Mop. SpongeBob was glad while Squidward was annoyed, leaving Mr. Krabs, who now pushes the key to open the register and ends with dollar signs, ending the episode]
[finding out tears form a flood] Oh, that's it! This charade has to end! [storms out of his bed and rushes through the door]
[a door opens, a flood of water splashes all over Squidward and reveals to be a sad SpongeBob]
[tearfully] Hi, Squidward.
SpongeBob, this infernal crying has to stop.
But Squidward, I...I broke my laugh box! [sprays a fountain of tears into his face]
[puts his tentacle hands over SpongeBob's eyes, stopping the tears] SpongeBob, there's no such thing as a laugh box! I made the whole thing up to get some peace from your insipid laughter!
You mean...my laugh box isn't broken? And it was a cruel lie that sent me into spiraling depression?
[taken aback by the revelation] Uhh, well it sounds pretty harsh when you put it that way, but yes.
I could laugh the whole time?
Yeah. [SpongeBob begins to laugh again; both laugh] You really fell for it.
You even fell for the ol' thermometer in the boiling oil routine. [laughs]
[stops laughing] It's really not that funny, Squidward.
See ya later, Squidward. [goes into his house]
[still laughing] Break your laugh box! What a schlemiel. [his laughter turns to coughing as his sides started aching] yahhhh! [inhales deeply and lets out a long cough, thus losing his laughter, and falls flat to the ground, two paramedics come take him to the hospital]
[Everyone is running around inside the Chum Bucket after getting kidnapped by the ChumBot]
Oh, good, the lunch rush. Now that my ChumBot has dropped you into my clutches, you'll be forced to eat at the Chum Bucket.
[Everyone stops in their tracks]
[furiously] What? You mean you kidnapped us just to sell us your fast food?
Come on, it's a standard marketing technique.
[People leave]
You little twerp! [leaves]
Karen. [walks up to her] You think I'm a twerp?
Well, yes, but I was referring to the kidnapping.
Everything I do is always wrong in your eyes.
Maybe it's because you are always wrong.
Fine, I'm wrong and you're right.
You said it, not me. You know, you're lucky to have me.
[walking away] Why did I ever install that nagging software?
"Nagging software"? I heard that! Come back and dust my screen!
