[last lines]
French NarratorWell, it looks like Patchy's really busy at the moment, so I'll say it to him. Good night and happy holidays.
S2 E8 Christmas Who?
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Played by Tom Kenny
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
9th most-quoted character in SpongeBob SquarePants: in 32 of its 1,068 quotes
Most scenes with: Abrasive SpongeBob (18), Patrick (13), Squidward (9)
Lines by French Narrator 4
French NarratorNarratorBut for every good employee, there is one who is not so good. [about Squidward] Let's see, inattentive, impatient, a glazed look in the eyes. Look carefully at the "I Really Wish I Weren't Here Right Now!" button. There's a name for employees like this, but we'll call him..."Squidward".
Narrator[as Squidward occupies himself in the bathroom] Remember, no employee wants to be a Squidward.
Narrator[as Squidward causes an incident for slipping] Don't worry, Squidward. Mr. SquarePants can cover for you.
Scenes with French Narrator 28
French NarratorHalloween is no different under the waves. Pirates, skeletons, and sea monsters. [laughs evilly] Ohh, sorry. Everyone having fun. Well, almost everyone.
[At the Krusty Krab, SpongeBob is washing dishes in the kitchen. The door creaks open and SpongeBob jumps in surprise.]
Huh? Who's there?
[The door creeks open some more as SpongeBob goes back to washing some dishes. He turns around and sees 3 pieces of paper spelling out "boo" turn on the ordering turntable. SpongeBob speeds up the cleaning of the dishes until he finishes.]
Ok, Mr. Krabs, the dishes are done, I’m leaving! [tries running out but Mr. Krabs stops him in his tracks]
Hold on! Don’t you want to hear my annual scary story?
No thank you, Mr. Krabs. Uhh, does it have monsters in it?
Aye, the worst monster of them all.
Uhh... no. [opens the door then turns around] Is it a true story?
True as the deep blue.
Okay, maybe just a little.
Have a seat, me boy. [sits on a log. Mr. Krabs puts a campfire in the middle of them] Every year on Halloween night, the Flying Dutchman descends on Bikini Bottom, in a pirate ship, just like... this! [holds up a Krabby Patty] Only bigger!
Excuse me, did his ship look like a Krabby Patty?
Like I was saying, The Flying Dutchman swoops down and starts stealing people’s souls. [holds up a pickle]
Do souls look like pickles?
Aye, as a matter of fact, they do. And he puts them where you can never get them...in his soul bag.
[Drops the pickle into a bag that has the words "Krusty Krab" crossed out and the word "soul" written above it. Mr. Krabs laughs evilly while Squidward appears behind SpongeBob in a pirate suit.]
I’ve come for your pickle.
[SpongeBob sees Squidward from behind him and jumps up shrieking.]
Ha! Scaredy Pants gets easier to scare every year! [he and Squidward both laugh]
French NarratorAh, beautiful springtime, a time for fun and frolic for most, [the scene cuts to the Krusty Krab, zooming in and then right at the front door. Squidward is there] but not for this poor slob.
Oh, what a beautiful day, and here I am trapped in a prison of high cholesterol. [the bell dings] No one ever comes in on Sunday. [the bell dings again] Why can't Mr. Krabs just let us go home? [the bell dings again. Squidward gets angry and growling into SpongeBob. The scene changes to SpongeBob ringing a bell, set on the order window. Squidward runs up to SpongeBob] SpongeBob, stop ringing this bell. [picks it up and slams it on the bottom of the order window]
I was just testing it.
[leans through the order window getting in SpongeBob's face] I will ring the bell when there's an order. But...There's no customers! There hasn't been one all day, and there isn't gonna be any! [struggles to pick up the cash register, but successfully does so and he slams it down making a bell noise]
One Krabby Patty coming up!
No...!
[The register drawer shoots open, knocking Squidward out of the way. A bunch of coins fall onto the floor. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs' office where Mr. Krabs is writing something on a sheet of paper and he stops to hear the money dropping.]
That sounds like me money dropping. [the scene changes to show the outside of the office and Squidward is picking up the coins; opens his office door] What's going on out here?! My babies! [runs up to Squidward and shoves him away] Get away, you barbarian! What have you done? Nice clean money... soiled! [scoops up the coins in his claws] I'll take care of ya. Let papa clean ya up. Clear the way! [runs into the kitchen and starts washing them off in the sink] No, no, no, don't cry, little ones.
What's wrong, Mr. Krabs?
[gets startled and throws the dimes in the air. One dime rolls into the sink and starts to roll towards the sink drain] Me dime! [the dime rolls around the sink drain. Just as it seems like it's about to fall down the drain, it flips over facing away from the drain; gives a sigh of relief. Then the dime jumps, winks, and goes down the drain] No! [grabs the dime in the drain] I got it, boy! [his claw got stuck] What the? It's stuck! You gotta help me, SpongeBob!
You've gotta let go of the dime.
I can think of ten good reasons to never let go of a dime, boy. There's got to be another way! Grab me captain's quarters and heave! [SpongeBob pulls on him from behind a couple times until he gets thrown back without his arms] Me arms!
Oh no, not again!
[Mr. Krabs hits the wall, the impact causing the shelf above him to slant and drop a pot, a glass, a pan, a mug, a treasure chest, an anchor, a buoy, and a scuba suit on his head. A giant bump rises up on Mr. Krabs' head and then a dime falls on it, causing Mr. Krabs to fall over and black out]
I can't believe this is really happening. [sits on the cash register box, then starts to tear up] Today, I start living!
S2 Squid's Day Off
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[As SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidward climb the anchor rope.]
NarratorA few inches later...
[Points upward] Look!
SpongeBob, how long are you going to stay in your little fantasy world?
AArtist
[finds out the pencil slipped out of his hand and lands in the water] My pencil!
French NarratorThe artist has learned the first lesson of the sea: Always bring a spare pencil.
AArtist
No!
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
Three!
Hey, SpongeBob, what's with all the ruckus?
Take a look for yourself, Patrick.
[Patrick sees the picture of DoodleBob on the wall and gasps]
It's the evil doodle!
No, no, not evil. He was just a two-dimensional creature lost in our three-dimensional aquatic world longing for a purpose.
So, he's a drawing?
Exactly! See how happy he is?
He still looks kind of creepy.
[on a diving board with the pencil] Oh, great Magic Pencil, your powers are too mighty for us ocean dwellers. So I will send you back to the magic kingdom from where you came. Are you ready, Patrick?
Ready!
[SpongeBob drops the pencil into Patrick's mouth. SpongeBob jumps from the diving board and onto Patrick's belly, launching the pencil out of his mouth and back up to the surface. In the real world, the artist from earlier is curled up in a fetal position]
French NarratorWe rejoin the artist in a creative slump.
AArtist
[the pencil reaches the surface and lands on him] Huh, what's... what's this? [jumps up and holds his pencil in joy] My pencil! [tries to draw, but unfortunately, the pencil lead breaks]
French NarratorThe second most important rule for the artist at sea: Always bring a pencil sharpener.
AArtist
[starts to cry] No!
[The episode begins at night at the Krusty Krab. It's closing time.]
French NarratorAh, the Krusty Krab. Bikini Bottom's premiere daytime eatery. Where it will be closing time right about...
[switches the "Open" sign to "Closed"] Now! 8 o'clock! [takes off his Krusty Krab uniform hat] So long, suckers! I've got a hot date with a little lady, and her name is [pulls out his clarinet] Clarinet. [Tom shows up at the door and knocks on it, causing Squidward to drop his clarinet] What?
TTom
Are you open?
[points to the sign] Read the sign.
TTom
[ignores him] I'll have a Krabby Patty Deluxe and a double chili kelp fries.
No, you won't. I can't hang out here all night! I've got a life!
TTom
Well, fine, if you don't want my money!
Money?! [Mr. Krabs falls from the ceiling on top of Squidward] You mean, if we stayed open later, you'd give us your money?
TTom
[pulls out cash; Incidental 49, Incidental 30, and Incidental 85 appear behind him] Sure.
Mr. Squidward, [tears up the "Closed" sign] welcome to the night shift. From now on, [he puts a spare Krusty Krab uniform hat on Squidward's head] the Krusty Krab is open 24 hours a day.
[gets up] What?! [crowd of fish barge in cheering and tramples Squidward]
[gasps] Wow! Now we never have to stop working!
[gets up again] Mr. Krabs.
See ya in the mornin', boys! I can't hang out here all night! I've got a life. [leaves]
Mr. Krabs!
Isn't this great Squidward? Just you and me together for hours and hours and hours, and then the sun'll come up, and it'll be tomorrow, and we'll still be working. It'll be just like a sleepover! Only we'll be sweaty and we'll be covered with grease! [jumps on cash register counter] Are you ready to rock, Squidward?!
No.
Good! 'Cause we've got customers!
[hands a customer a baseball bat] Here. Please hit me as hard as you can.
Psst, Squidward. I'm working in the kitchen... [laughs] at night.
[takes hat off; leans head on counter] Don't hold back.
[cuts to SpongeBob in kitchen] Hey Squidward. Guess what, I'm chopping lettuce... at night. [cuts to SpongeBob in the bathroom wiping it clean with himself] Look at me, I'm swabbing the bathroom... at night. [cuts to SpongeBob at the grill picking up spatula, misses the spatula and hits the grill] Ow! I burned my hand! At night. [cuts to SpongeBob walking on the counter] Night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, na-na-na-night-na-night! NIGHT!
WILL YOU PLEASE?! [hands SpongeBob a bag of garbage] Here, give me a moment's peace and take out the trash.
Meow.
[gasps] Gary! Squidward is not a freeloader, and he would never take advantage of me!
French NarratorThree weeks later...
He's just having a hard time getting his confidence back. [falls down]
French NarratorMany months later...
I'm sure he's close to a breakthrough. [falls down again]
BNBritish Narrator
So much later that the old narrator got tired of waiting and they had to hire a new one...
Meow, meow, meow.
I know he still isn't looking for work! Don't rub it in!
Okay, Patrick, let's get our brushes ready. [holds up his big brush] Uhh, maybe we should start with a smaller brush. [throws the big brush to the right of him then takes another small brush and gets a hair out of his nose. Patrick does the same, but out comes a large bunch of nose hairs. SpongeBob dips the brush into the can and then faces the wall] All right, Patrick, gotta get started painting this wall. With the permanent paint that we aren't allowed to get on anything but the wall. Well... here we go.
French NarratorOne hour later...
Just a few more seconds of mental preparation and I'll be painting this wall.
French NarratorTwo hours later...
I'm getting to the painting...
French NarratorThree hours later...
[holds the timecard, breaking the fourth wall] Can you move it along? I'm all out of timecards.
NarratorSounds like a lot of --
FFish
Hoopla!
NarratorEh, sounds like a lot of --
FFish
Hoopla!
NarratorSounds like a --
FFish
Hoopla! [scrolls over to him yelling] Hoopla!
[Someone off screen throws a brick at the fish, knocking him unconscious. The screen scrolls back to the patty.]
NarratorSounds like a lot of hoopla to make over a Krabby Patty, am I right? [laughs] WRONG!
Patrick, go be stupid somewhere else.
NarratorAh-ah-ah, Squidward, remember what Mr. Krabs says.
The money is always right.
The ceiling is right, Squidward. You're not a very good employee.
I think since spraying the park bench was my idea, I should get to spray it.
Patrick, spraying the park bench was my idea.
Yeah, but I said it was a good idea!
Give me that thing!
[SpongeBob grabs the can and he and Patrick wrestle over it. SpongeBob accidentally sprays their clothes and they disappear]
Hey, the invisible spray works!
[A tour bus drives up.]
TTom
And on your right, if you look, you'll see two naked guys fighting over a can of paint!
[The passengers and Tom laugh. The bus drives off. SpongeBob covers his lower half]
Oh my gosh, Patrick, help me find our clothes!
[SpongeBob pats the ground, trying to grab the clothes. Patrick sprays SpongeBob's right hand and it disappears]
I gotta hand it to you, SpongeBob. You look kinda funny.
[Patrick laughs and SpongeBob screams.]
Righty, where are you? [Patrick laughs again.] No one messes with Righty! [takes the spray can with his invisible hand.] We'll see how you like it! [sprays Patrick making a hole in the middle of his body] Kind of gives you an empty feeling, huh?
[Patrick takes the can.]
Yeah! [He sprays SpongeBob's upper left corner.] I see what you mean!
[SpongeBob takes the spray can and sprays Patrick's lower half.]
No guts, no glory! [laughs]
NarratorSeveral bad puns later...
More SpongeBob SquarePants characters
All SpongeBob SquarePants quotes →Abrasive SpongeBobTom Kenny · 691 quotes
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SquidwardRodger Bumpass · 334 quotes
KMr. Krabs261 quotes
PPlankton138 quotes
SandyCarolyn Lawrence · 76 quotes
KarenJill Talley · 44 quotes
Mrs. PuffMary Jo Catlett · 37 quotes
GaryTom Kenny · 30 quotes
PatchyTom Kenny · 23 quotes
PearlLori Alan · 22 quotes
FredMr. Lawrence · 19 quotes
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