Need some change?
[exhausted] No.
What? Why?
Because I'm all out of money!
S4Skill Crane
S4Good Neighbors
At least I still have my Sunday pedicure to look forward to. [SpongeBob and Patrick are laughing inside Squidward's house. Squidward opens his front door] What are you two doing in my house?
We're checking to make sure this guy really is a certified foot masseur and not some kind of assassin.
Well I say he checks out a-ok.
Squidward, have you ever seen more lovely French tips? [shows foot with long toenails]
French tips, huh?! [pushes SpongeBob and Patrick's chair out of the way] All right, pal, make with the relaxing foot massage, pronto!
HHarold (red fish)
Uh-oh. Uh, sorry. Your hour's up. [packs up and leaves]
Alright, you two. OUT! [SpongeBob and Patrick walk to the front door] And don't even think about dragging your empty skulls around here for the rest of the day! Or tomorrow, or next week!
Squidward, does that include-?
YES, IT DOES! [furiously slams the door shut]
Gee, Patrick, do you think Squidward was trying to tell us something?
[busts head through the door] YES, I WAS!!! You call yourselves good neighbors?! YOU'RE THE WORST NEIGHBORS EVER! [angrily inhales] You don't deserve to wear those FEZZES! [takes SpongeBob and Patrick's fezzes off and rapidly stomps them into the ground]
Gee, Pat, maybe President Squidward's right.
Yeah, I guess we aren't good neighbors after all.
NO, YOU AREN'T!!! YOU'RE HORRIBLE NEIGHBORS! [angrily inhales again] And STOP calling me president! [pops his head back inside]
Come on, let's go. [he and Patrick walk off sadly]
[after pushing the button, which causes Squidward's house sit on top of Squidward] We did it, Patrick! [Squidward busts through from beneath the floor] President Squidward?
[calmly] No-no, don't say anything more. This was all my fault. I was the one who wanted to relax on Sunday. Now, if you'll be so kind as to leave... [SpongeBob and Patrick walk out the door] ...so I can get ready for work tomorrow?
Mr. President—
Shush.
But we just wanted to—
[savagely yells loudly; echoing] GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! [SpongeBob and Patrick get blown away; sees an angry mob] Huh?
[angrily pointing at Squidward] THERE HE IS!
ARAngry resident fish
Are you the owner of this house?
[angrily] Yes! Yes, I am!
ARAngry resident fish
Then on behalf the citizens of Bikini Bottom, I present you with this summons to pay for the destruction of our town. [hands Squidward the summons] You'll be doing community service every Sunday for the rest of your life. [walks off]
Huh? [twitches his left eye and looks at the camera]
Hey, Squidward, you got one of those, too? [SpongeBob and Patrick walk up with a summons in their hands] This'll be GREAT! The three of us cleaning up Bikini Bottom! Well, see ya next Sunday, President Squidward!
[Squidward flinches lividly as the episode ends]
S4Selling Out
CCarl
What's our motto here at Krabby O'Mondays?
[bored] "Sincere service with a smile."
CCarl
Well yes, but with the Krabby O'Mondays sprit! Now, Squidward, you wouldn't wanna have to talk to human resources. [A big buff fish threatens to punch Squidward from behind the HR door] Would you? So, what's our motto again?
[now nervous] Uh...uh. "S-sincere service..." [slaps himself and is now trying to look happy] "...with a smile!"
[The HR fish slides back into his room]
CCarl
Now you're getting it!
Hey, Carl, what have ya done with me restaurant?! Processed Krabby Patties? Computerized registers?!
CCarl
Look around you. Our customers are quite content with the contrived, and the mediocre. [customer falls asleep, snoring]
That's because they don't know what they're eating. [grabs a pile of the gray sludge from the Krabby Patty making machine in the kitchen, then walks up to a customer] 'Scuse me, ma'am. Do you know what's in that Krabby Patty you're eatin'?
I6Incidental 63
No.
[Mr. Krabs shows her a pile of the gray sludge to emphasize his point. The customer gasps, screams at the sight of it and runs out]
See that? Without all your smoke and mirrors, no one would stomach this garbage!
I4Incidental 42
What'd he say? Garbage?
[Customers notice what's in the Krabby Patties and everyone runs out. Mr. Krabs laughs as Carl takes out a book of rules, appears angry.]
CCarl
[annoyed] Eugene, you're in violation of your contract.
Rules! Here's a rule for ya: people can't eat stain glass barstools! [throws barstool into the big screen TV out of rage and takes the cash register to the kitchen] I'll show you automated! [runs off to the kitchen]
CCarl
[calls on his walkie-talkie] Mr. Blandy? Code red! Free thinker!
[Mr. Krabs shoves the cash register in the Krabby Patty making machine]
HBHoward Blandy
Mr. Krabs, is there a problem here?
You better believe there's a problem! I used to kiss the ground ya walked on, Blandy! But after seein' this, I wouldn't even spit in your direction! Krabby Patties are supposed to be made by hand, one at a time!
[Cut to the kitchen, where the Krabby Patty machine inflates and about to blow up. Cut back to Mr. Krabs.]
Not on a conveyor belt!
[Krabby O'Monday's begins to shake and make sirens, as Mr. Krabs suddenly notices. Howard and his team suddenly stop, eyes blank. Gray sludge begins to leak out of the kitchen into the main room.]
CCarl
Oh my...
[The garbage blows up from the kitchen and blows everybody away off the Krabby O'Monday's including the employees. The restaurant blows up and got destroyed. Carl was seen floating away.]
CCarl
Does this mean I won't get that raise, sir?
HBHoward Blandy
[he looks at the restaurant which is destroyed by the gray meat] It's ruined!
FFriend
We'll have to sell it. We'll be lucky if we get a fraction of what we paid for it. [Mr. Krabs drives up with boat full of suitcases]
I'll buy it for full price!
FFriend
Sold. We won't need your contract anymore. [rips off the contract] Nice doing business with you.
Pleasure's all mine. Now get out of me restaurant. [laughs while Howard Blandy and his friends walk away sadly in humiliation, leaving SpongeBob and Squidward] Well, we did it, boys. [puts the hats on them] The Krusty Krab is ours again. Ya know, in that fit of maniacal rage, I may have destroyed the restaurant, scared away all our customers, and forced us into bankruptcy because I returned nearly every penny I sold this stink heap for, but it was all worth it. And, I got back the love of me dear friends.
Really, Mr. Krabs?
No, not really. Get back to work! [he hands them Spatula and the Mop. SpongeBob was glad while Squidward was annoyed, leaving Mr. Krabs, who now pushes the key to open the register and ends with dollar signs, ending the episode]
S4Funny Pants
[finding out tears form a flood] Oh, that's it! This charade has to end! [storms out of his bed and rushes through the door]
[a door opens, a flood of water splashes all over Squidward and reveals to be a sad SpongeBob]
[tearfully] Hi, Squidward.
SpongeBob, this infernal crying has to stop.
But Squidward, I...I broke my laugh box! [sprays a fountain of tears into his face]
[puts his tentacle hands over SpongeBob's eyes, stopping the tears] SpongeBob, there's no such thing as a laugh box! I made the whole thing up to get some peace from your insipid laughter!
You mean...my laugh box isn't broken? And it was a cruel lie that sent me into spiraling depression?
[taken aback by the revelation] Uhh, well it sounds pretty harsh when you put it that way, but yes.
I could laugh the whole time?
Yeah. [SpongeBob begins to laugh again; both laugh] You really fell for it.
I guess I did!
You even fell for the ol' thermometer in the boiling oil routine. [laughs]
[stops laughing] It's really not that funny, Squidward.
It's hilarious!
See ya later, Squidward. [goes into his house]
[still laughing] Break your laugh box! What a schlemiel. [his laughter turns to coughing as his sides started aching] yahhhh! [inhales deeply and lets out a long cough, thus losing his laughter, and falls flat to the ground, two paramedics come take him to the hospital]
S4Enemy In-Law
[Everyone is running around inside the Chum Bucket after getting kidnapped by the ChumBot]
Oh, good, the lunch rush. Now that my ChumBot has dropped you into my clutches, you'll be forced to eat at the Chum Bucket.
[Everyone stops in their tracks]
NNat
[furiously] What? You mean you kidnapped us just to sell us your fast food?
Come on, it's a standard marketing technique.
[People leave]
NNat
You little twerp! [leaves]
Hey!
He's right, ya know.
Karen. [walks up to her] You think I'm a twerp?
Well, yes, but I was referring to the kidnapping.
Everything I do is always wrong in your eyes.
Maybe it's because you are always wrong.
Fine, I'm wrong and you're right.
You said it, not me. You know, you're lucky to have me.
[walking away] Why did I ever install that nagging software?
"Nagging software"? I heard that! Come back and dust my screen!
Why did I ever buy that computer wife? I need a real woman, not a girl in a cold-hearted shell. [hears Mama Krabs humming outside so he brings down his periscope on her] Such beauty. She's an angel, and no wires. I've never felt like this before. I don't even know her name and yet she's stolen my heart.
[angry] Plankton! You've fallen in love with another woman?! I'm your wife!
You're a W.I.F.E. [pulls out a chart] Wired Integrated Female Electroencephalograph.
Oh, you always pull that one out! [mocking voice] "You're not a real wife, you're just a computer!"
[sighing] Why don't you have an "off" switch? [sees it and smiles]
Plankton, don't you dare... [turns off]
And now to woo that beloved creature.
Excuse me! I can't reach my silverware!
Terribly sorry, sir. [pulls out a smaller chair and table, places it on the big table, and puts Plankton into it] Will there be anything else?
Is my tie on straight?
You...look FABULOUS!
[pulls rose away from his body] Hello, my dear. I must say you look ravishing tonight.
BBetsy
[notices Plankton] Oh, my. You're a tiny thing, but awfully cute. [sits down in a chair that SpongeBob has brought to her] Tell me about yourself.
Well, I'm in the food service business. I'm a bit of a restaurateur. I'm the founder and owner of the Chum Bucket.
BBetsy
Never heard of it.
[points to the Chum Bucket] It's across the street.
BBetsy
Doesn't ring a bell.
Plankton [shows her the back of a phone book with a picture of him and the Chum Bucket] It's on the back of the phone book! Come on! I paid a lotta money for that ad! [puts the book away] Never mind, never mind. I'd like to hear about you.
BBetsy
Well...
Plankton!
Krabs!
BBetsy
Eugene!
Mommy?
"Mommy"?
[jumps in the air] SpongeBob!
SpongeBob...!
This delectable creature is your mother?
This no-good conniving chiseler is your date?!
And this devilishly handsome sponge is your waiter.
SpongeBob!
[barges in the Chum Bucket] You!
Eugene?
I came to warn you, Plankton. Stay away from me mother! I know what you're really up to.
I'm serious, Eugene. I've changed my ways. And all it took was the love of a beautiful woman.
All you like is thieving and conniving. Now, stop trying to get the formula out of me mother!
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about the Krabby Patty formula!
Your mother knows the Krabby Patty formula?
Don't play stupid with me. Of course she does. It's an old Krabs family recipe, and you're not family! [Plankton frowns] I'm telling you for the last time - stay away from me mother. [walks out]
Not family, eh? I can fix that.
S4Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy VI: The Motion Picture
[walks in angrily] Too old for an action movie. Huh!
What is it this time, kid?
Are you aware Drippy Brothers Studio is making the Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy movie?
They can't be making a movie about us!
But they are, and they're using... [snap to a live-action close-up of his mouth] ...actors. [the heroes gasp] They have shunned our heroes.
And they weren't nice to them either.
[sobs] Now our dreams of being big screen heroes will never come true.
Well, that makes it even worse.
[puts his hands on Mermaid Man's back] You bet it does, kid.
And the worst part is...I can't remember why I started crying. [sobs some more]
Why don't we just make our own movie?
Patrick, once again, you have exposed your brilliance. We'll make a real Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy movie, right here at Shady Shoals.
[stops crying] You will?
Yes, and in doing so, we will right the wrong done to you by the evil Drippy Brother Studios and... [same close-up of his mouth from before] ...their actors.
[jumps on top of the table] Vindication is ours! Vindi...How did I get up here?
Good morning, SpongeBob.
Everything's ruined! Well, at least we got the footage!
Yeah, I got the footage.
[notices something] Patrick, what is that?
Oh, it's a camera.
[takes off lens cap] No, Patrick. This! [points at the lens cap]
Oh, that's a lens cap.
[surprised] Did you just put that on?!
No, I didn't want to lose it, so I put it there right before we started filming.
[SpongeBob screams, Patrick becomes confused and watches SpongeBob go insane, he scoots his butt on the ground much to Squidward and Mr. Krabs' shock, lifts up piece of ground, and eats worms on bottom side. Patrick, Sandy and Pearl gasp.]
[sobbing] The movie's ruined! We can't make a movie!
S4Patrick SmartPants
Patrick! You're back!
Patrick, you're back.
[They hug each other]
S4SquidBob TentaclePants
DDoctor
Congratulations, Mrs. Smith, you gave birth to a healthy baby boy.
SMrs. Smith
Mercy my baby!
DDoctor
Of course! [shows Mrs. Smith SquidBob; Mrs. Smith screams]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's SpongeBob SquarePants pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.