Fred quotes from SpongeBob SquarePants

[screams as he gets shot out of Mr. Krabs' dream cloud and into Plankton's dream on a building. The plunger is stuck onto a building] Hey, Plankton's dreaming about Bikini Bottom.

Zap! [zaps a building near SpongeBob and fish: Incidental 93, Incidental 40, Incidental 86 come running out] I see you. [stomps up to another building, twenty times the size of his normal self] Zap! [shoots a green laser out of his eye]

Fred

My leg!

I see you. Zap!

Plankton! [tries to get himself untied from the rope around his ankle]

I see you... [SpongeBob gets untied and drops to the ground] Zap! [zaps and disintegrates the building that SpongeBob was on, then walks to the Krusty Krab. People continue to: Fred, and Incidental 73 scream in panic] Oh look, it's the Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty. [stomps on it] Crush! [picks up the Krusty Krab sign and starts to lick it as if it was a lollipop and walks off] Lick, lick!

[as he runs around] This isn't a dream! This is a nightmare!

Gary

Meow! Meow!

[stops and looks. Appears more and more worried.] Gary! Gary! No!

Gary

Meow! [Plankton still coming towards Gary making giant step sounds]

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Gary! [jumps over to Gary and hugs him] I've got you, Gary!

Peek-a-boo! Here comes my foot! [stomps his foot on SpongeBob & Gary] YEAH! Huh? [lifts up his foot] YOW!

[suddenly turns into a pin] I think he’s got the point. [laughs]

[deflates and shrinks] WHOA!

S1 Sleepy Time

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Excuse me, sir. I hope my horrible ugliness won't be a distraction to you.

Fred

Not at all boy. [He sniffs SpongeBob's bad breath and makes a hilarious disgusted face expression.] DEUUEAUGH!!!!! [runs away]

S2 Something Smells

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SpongeBob, what do you like better? The Kutie Krab or the Kooky Krab?

For what, dare I ask?

The new name for our new look. I mean, "The Krusty Krab" has got to go. Who wants to eat at a place they think is crusty? Bleh.

Well, sure it's a terrible name, but this is a terrible place. Therefore, the name should be left alone. Right, SpongeBob?

I got it! How about The Khaotic Krab?

How about The Kissy Krab? [smooches]

[dressed as a king] The King Krab.

[holds up a lollipop] The Kandy Krab.

[dressed like a beat poet] The Kool Krab. [dressed as a cowboy] Or the Kowboy Krab. [stretched out] The Kurly Krab. [dressed as a mad scientist] The Kreepy Krab. [dressed as a crazy killer jungle man] THE KILLER KRAB!!

[gasps] No!

You're right, too scary.

[Pause]

SPSpongeBob and Pearl

The Kuddly Krab! [they both hug and laugh]

[A rainbow of colors fills the screen. Pearl, SpongeBob and an anguished Squidward stand outside the new restaurant. The sign for the restaurant is now a heart and a cutesy robot Krabs is waving his arms atop it. The restaurant outside itself is tie-dyed with colors and rainbows and the flags are now hearts. Balloons are hanging from the roof and giant lollipops come from the chimney. Pearl and SpongeBob, giggling, walk back in the restaurant. Squidward is so mad in fact that the two K's on his uniform catch on fire and he shakes the pole. The female fish and Fred drive by in a car]

FFFemale Fish

It's a shame old man Krabs sold the Krusty Krab.

Fred

That's a darn shame. Hey, lady! Do you know where we can get something to eat around here?

THAT'S IT, I'LL QUIT!!! [rips off his uniform, revealing nothing under it. A police whistle is blown and the police fish comes over and writes him a ticket for indecent exposure and places it between his legs] Oops.

S2 Bossy Boots

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Barnacles! I'll never find-- [sees the tombstone and it shows his real name, Smitty Werben Man Jensen] The grave! Am I really going to defile this grave for money? Of course I am! [digs and hits something] Jackpot! [opens up the coffin] Ooh. It's beautiful. Come to papa. [takes the head off with the hat on] Hey, come on, Smitty, let go! [takes his head off] Rest in pieces, Smitty. [jumps out of the hole] I got the million dollar hat.

[lightning and thunder booms. Smitty stands up from his grave with his head in one hand]

SSmitty

Hey, man, that's my hat. Give it back.

What? No way. Just crawl back into your hole, bone boy. Go ahead, play dead.

SSmitty

I guess I'm gonna have to take it from you.

Yeah, right. You and what army? [But then, the skeleton zombie army came with an eerie moaning]

SSmitty

Only the army of the living dead. [all the other dead bodies are walking towards Mr. Krabs]

[scared] Oh, no! I've seen this on the late show! You ghoulish fiends hold me down and take turns nibbling on my innards, then you eat my brain and leave my body for the buzzards!

SSmitty

That's disgusting. We just want the hat back.

No flipping way! [takes the head of a swordfish and uses it as a sword] Back off! Back off, I say!

SSmitty

Attack. [the skeleton zombies ready to draw their weapons]

Tallyho! [sword fights a few zombies] Look at me, I'm Errol Fin! [chops up more bodies] You're falling apart, marrow brain! You must be kidding. [sword fights them] Back to oblivion! [jumps over a group of zombies] Oh, ho! How's your sister? All right, boneheads. Playtime's over. Yee-hoo! Ha-ha! [twirls around and destroys more of the skeleton zombies in the morning Mr. Krabs finishes destroying all the skeleton zombies and runs out of the cemetery] Wa-ha! A million dollars. I've got a million dollars! [runs back to his curio stand where the fish are talking altogether at once] Oh, there you are. Well, I got it. The rare novelty soda drinking hat. Let's start the bidding at one million dollars! [all of the fish look at each other and then laugh]

Fred

Yeah, you want that all at once?

F3Fish #3

One million dollars. You gotta be kidding!

Hey! The poor sap's not kidding. Didn't you hear? They found a whole warehouse full of them. THEY'RE WORTHLESS! [the camera goes to a bunch of soda drinking hats are in the dumpster. The fish crack up laughing. SpongeBob walks by with a hat that has clapping hands on the top of it]

Let's give Mr. Krabs a big hand. [laughs]

Now that's worth a million dollars. [SpongeBob laughs again and he leaves the background. Nat runs after him and the other fish follow] Hey, kid, wait up!

F2Fish #2

I saw him first!

F3Fish #3

I'll give you one billion dollars!

[Fred rows his row-boat along the ground to chase SpongeBob]

Well, that's a spirit breaker. [throws the soda drinking hat away and breaks down sobbing]

[walks by with flowers in hand] What a baby. [walks off and the episode ends]

S3 One Krab's Trash

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LLou

Hey... I know you. Yeah, from today's paper! [holds up a newspaper with a picture of SpongeBob on the front page and the headline "Local Nutcase Tries to Fly"]

"Local nutcase tries to fly"?! I'm a nutcase because I follow my dreams? Well, they laughed at the guy who invented light bulbs, too!

FFish

No, they didn't.

[eyes widen] You'll see.

[walks outside, and past Monroe and his Mother]

Look, mom, it's the Bird Man of Bikini Bottom.

MMother

Wow! I wonder why he's still using his legs!

Come on, Bird Man. Flap your wings and fly! [makes flapping motions; he and Incidental 115 laugh cruelly; SpongeBob walks away, only to encounter many other fish]

CFCap Fish

Hey, Bird Man, going to check on your eggs?

NNancy

Maybe he's looking for a statue to poop on.

Fred

[steps in front of SpongeBob and starts flapping his arms and making chicken noises; a crowd of fish around him laughs]

Go on and laugh, but it is a sad day in Bikini Bottom when a guy is ridiculed for having dreams! [two fish holding babies stand to the side of him]

M2Mother #2

You think you're the only one with unfulfilled dreams?

Sandals

I was supposed to be a concert pianist... until I realized I didn't have any fingers. [looks at his hands]

We all had dreams.

NNancy

What makes you so special? [the crowd of fish turns into an angry mob, along with pitchfork and torches]

MMob

Let's get him!

[the mob chases him; he starts panting, then stops] Huh? [camera zooms out to reveal SpongeBob just stepped off the edge of a cliff and he screams]

Good riddance, dreamer!

[screams as he lands in a Mud Removal truck] Ooh! [the truck makes a sharp turn and SpongeBob falls out, covered in mud; while falling] Well, it can't get any worse. D'oh! [lands in a Feather Delivery truck; sticks his head up, which is now covered with feathers] I guess I spoke too soon.

French Narrator

[Note: television version only] [the scene freezes] Will SpongeBob learn to fly? Stay tuned.

S3 E19 The Sponge Who Could Fly

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[A crowd of fish is searching for SpongeBob.]

CFCap Fish

SpongeBob!

Hey SpongeBob!

Fred

SpongeBob!

[hiding behind a rock] If I don't give these feverish favor-seekers the slip, I'll never get to fly with the jellyfish. [quietly flies away]

Hey! There he is! [SpongeBob flies faster] He's getting away!

Fred

No! He owes us favors!

Get him!

[The angry crowd chases after him, into Downtown Bikini Bottom; while SpongeBob flies past the buildings in a straight line, the crowd runs up and down each building; they stop at a cliff, before Jellyfish Fields; SpongeBob keeps flying.]

I'm almost at Jellyfish Fields. I'm gonna make it!

JJohnson

He's headed for Jellyfish Fields! We'll never catch him now!

CJCannonball Jenkins

[off-screen] I'll take care of this!

CCrowd

It's Cannonball Jenkins!

CJCannonball Jenkins

[inside a lit cannon, wearing a red helmet and suit; launches out of the cannon and toward SpongeBob; he collides with him, and SpongeBob's inflatable pants explode; the two hurtle toward the ground; SpongeBob falls even further as Cannonball Jenkins opens up a red parachute] I told you nothing good would come from city folk and their flying machines! [the crowd watches as SpongeBob crashes to the ground; they walk over]

Fred

What have we done? [starts to cry] Come on, everybody! I think a proper burial is in order. [picks up the pants] A pair of pants like these come around... once in a lifetime. [the crowd leaves; SpongeBob, now in his underwear, regains consciousness]

Well, it was fun while it lasted. [walks up to Jellyfish Fields, then walks away] I guess I'm not meant to fly after all. [sighs; starts to raise up in the air; a group of jellyfish are below him, carrying him up] Huh? Hey! My jellyfish friends are helping me fly! Without pants! I guess it just goes to show... [the jellyfish carry him back to Bikini Bottom] ♪You don't need a plane to fly♪ [Incidental 41 looks out the window at him] ♪Plastic wings may make you cry♪ [a flock of scallops fly by] ♪Kites are made for windy days. Lawn chair with balloons... fly away♪ [the crowd of fish bury SpongeBob's pants as the mourn over them] ♪Inflatable pants... you may as well skip!♪ [arrives at his home; the jellyfish put him back on the ground] ♪If you want to fly, all you need... is friendship. Yeah.♪ [the jellyfish buzz away; waves] Goodbye, jellies! You taught me a valuable lesson. Although I'm not quite sure what it was.

[walks up] Hey! Let's fly down to the pizza house for a slice.

No more flying for me, Patrick. I'll leave that to the jellyfish. [opens his door]

Suit yourself. [lifts up his arm and flies]

[turns back around] Did Patrick just...? [laughs] Nah! [enters his house again, but opens the door one last time, just to make sure]

S3 E19 The Sponge Who Could Fly

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[looking at his score with a triumphant but sleepless face] I did it. [kisses the score and laughs] Yes! [runs out of his house in an ecstatic delirium] I did it! I did it! I did it! And I did it! Ha ha ha ha!

[watching Squidward run out the door as SpongeBob sews his butt and laughs] Did what?

[Squidward runs over to the stadium]

Here you go, maestro, my masterpiece.

CConductor

[looks at the score; in a German composer accent] Hmm, oh, very unusual. I think we have a winner, Mr. Tentacles! [Squidward smiles, cuts to later where Squidward is about to conduct his song]

JJohnny

Good evening, music lovers of Bikini Bottom. Tonight, is the premiere of a new symphony, written by one of our own, Squidward Tentacles.

[Squidward walks up on stage and starts conducting his composition, everything is fine until he hears Patrick using a tongue depressor on himself. Squidward looks at his music and, much to his shock and dismay, finds out that there are drawings of SpongeBob and Patrick on it.]

[gasps] Huh?!

[It turns out that Squidward inadvertently wrote down everything he heard from SpongeBob's doctoring. The music is then followed by Patrick hitting his own knee with a hammer and screaming while SpongeBob times his reflex]

I wrote down everything I heard?! [gulps and looks at the audience, SpongeBob drops a brick on Patrick's leg, then an anchor]

PPilar

Oooo! That's gonna leave a mark! [Squidward sweats in embarrassment]

[SpongeBob puts on a rubber glove then squeaks a rubber duck near Patrick as he screams, then uses the x-ray, then the laugh machine, then reading magazines, then SpongeBob plays with his brain, then he's reading magazines again, then using the x-ray again, then the laugh machine, then the duck, then the magazine, then playing with the brain. This process repeats twice, second time shorter time. Throughout the performance, Squidward continued to conduct the orchestra while barely paying attention to his conducting, due to SpongeBob and Patrick distracting him with their odd procedures to each other. SpongeBob then uses the blood pressure pump to inflate Patrick, he loses control of the air in his body and starts flying around like a balloon, smacking into Squidward as the song ends]

NNazz

That poor guy. [as Patrick sits up straight on Squidward after deflating, the song comes to an end]

Patrick, get off of me! [Patrick does so, Squidward growls at him, then looks at the audience, Squidward begins to sadly walk off the stage, but then everyone begins cheering]

AMAudience Member

Oh, now that's what I call music!

SShubie

That little yellow guy is awesome!

BBill

Let us not forget the tubby starfish!

Fred

Oh, yeah, but the real genius is the composer! [all chanting] Squidward! Squidward! Squidward!

Wow, Squidward, they really liked you! Just don't get a "swelled head." [Squidward's head begins to inflate, because Patrick is using the blood pressure pump, causing Squidward to look at him suspiciously and then we can hear an explosion as the screen cuts to black, ending the episode]

S6 Suction Cup Symphony

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No, Patrick I... [notices the people staring at him. He laughs nervously, then the caramel cracks, which reveals some light]

[All gasp, then the caramel breaks]

Frankie

So, bright!

Sally

Honey, look away!

[Frankie's eyes melt. SpongeBob laughs nervously]

Fred

Nice Job!

Harold

[Australian accent] Your hideously white skin just ruined the party. I mean look at you! Do you hug your mother with that skin?

S6 Sun Bleached

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[Meanwhile, the line keeps getting longer and longer and Squidward continues to serve his Chum Fricassee to his customers and fans]

Here you go, folks. Enjoy my world famous Fricassee. [All of a sudden, someone bursts through the front door which turns out to be Squidward's grandmother and she's not very happy] Grandma!?

TGrandma Tentacles

[enters the restaurant and corners her grandson by the kitchen doors] Someone's been cooking my recipe, [sniffs] and they're doing it wrong!

What are you doing here?

TGrandma Tentacles

Saving my recipe from my bumbling grandson. [crushes Squidward's foot with her walker]

Ow! I didn't do it! Uh, uh, it was him! [points to Plankton]

[Plankton is seen exiting the kitchen with the plate of chum and hears what Squidward said about him, becomes furious. He throws the plate of chums in rage and pins the blame back on Squidward.]

What?! Oh, you're not pinning this on me! You said you didn't care if it was ready or not!

[fearfully] Ok, I admit it! I admit it! But—but—but what's the big deal? [Grandma Tentacles crushes his foot with her walker for second time] Ow!

TGrandma Tentacles

The big deal is when the chum is not cooked for exactly 24 hours, it causes severe tummy trouble.

[Listening to Grandma Tentacles, customers form a mob. The customers are enraged by what they're hearing to Grandma Tentacles.]

MFMale Fish

You fed us undercooked chum?!

TGrandma Tentacles

Tear him apart, people! [The fancy customers form a mob and start to attack Squidward and Plankton. They do an uproar, following what his grandmother says.]

Fred

I've had it, and I'm not gonna take it anymore! [Fred picks up a trash can, then throws it on a table. Other customers throw their chum meals on the ground and on the wall of the Chum Bucket. Another customer rips apart of an awning. Frank grabs a napkin holder, throwing napkins on the floor. Plankton pops up near the napkins.]

Not the napkins! [Frank doesn't listen to Plankton.]

AMAngry Mob

[An axe chops Squidward's picture in half.] He got what he deserves, that's what I say! [Else where in the exterior of Le Chum Bucket, it bursts into flames caused by the mob. As the restaurant is on fire, the customers run out of the bucket building.] It's on fire! It's all burning! Run! [the fire incinerates the restaurant, leaving only Plankton and Squidward standing with charred faces]

My restaurant! [begins crying]

My fan base! [Squidward also starts sobbing]

TGrandma Tentacles

I hope you learned your lesson, genius. [crushes Squidward's foot with her walker for third time as a punishment for his selfishness and wrongful acts]

Ow! [cries along with Plankton in despair]

[cuts to the Krusty Krab] Gee, Mr. Krabs. It sure was nice of you to hire Squidward back. Especially since he tried to destroy your business and all.

I figure it's the least I can do for him. After causing all that mayhem over at the Chum Bucket, in fact, I promoted him. He's our new doormat!

No! [laying on the floor like a doormat as punishment for their humiliation] Living the dream! [Moaning and groaning, some customers who destroyed the Chum Bucket wipe their feet on Squidward and the episode ends.]

S8 Chum Fricassee

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Fred

MY LEG is really stressing out, Dr. Charley Horse.

CHDr. Charley Horse

[examining Fred's leg] Hmm. Uh-huh. [twists Fred's leg and bite it] You're right, Fred. It's so tense, but I've got just the remedy. Take off your shoes and follow me.

[wearing a gas mask] So far this plan stinks.

This is no time to be smelling stinks, Patrick. I need to protect FRED'S LEG, and I can't do it alone.

CHCharley Horse

The only way to relax YOUR LEG is to walk on... hot coals. [removes the rug]

SPSpongeBob and Patrick

Hot coals!?

[SpongeBob goes to protect Fred while Patrick hides in a sock.]

HDr. Horse

Now, Fred, close your eyes, and repeat after me the ancient mantra, "My feet are cold, my feet are cold…"

FHFred and Dr. Horse

'My feet are cold.'

Fred

My feet are cold. [stretches his foot out over the hot coals, but SpongeBob lays himself underneath] My feet are cold. [walks on top of SpongeBob as he burns] My feet are cold.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

Fred

My feet are cold. Whoa! [falls on the hot coals] My butt!

HHorse

[his voice gets higher and starts to shrink as he walks on the hot coals] Oh! My feet are cold, my feet are cold, my feet are cold, my feet are cold…! [disappears; forms a word above the coals and whispers] Transcendence.

S11 My Leg!

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Fred

Aww, gee, some guys get all the lucky breaks. [kicks an empty can in SpongeBob's face]

[pulls the can off his face] At least you know that YOUR LEG'S perimeter is secured.

Fred

I know. I just miss being at the hospital.

Why?

Fred

Well, secretly...

Ooh! [leans closer to listen]

Fred

[whispers] I'm in love with a nurse.

Ooh, you're in love with a nurse? Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo! Fred, I've got an idea. Why don't we hurt YOUR LEG so you can be reunited with your lady fair?

Fred

Let's do it, and we should step on it. It's almost time for her break.

I'd say it's almost time for your break.

S11 My Leg!

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Fred

[sighs] Thank you, SpongeBob. If it wasn't for you, I never would have made it back to my angel goddess.

Oh, don't thank me, Fred. YOUR LEG did all the heavy lifting. I can't wait to meet this angel goddess of yours.

Fred

Well, wait no longer, SpongeBob. Hello, Nurse Bazooka!

Nurse Bazooka?

NBNurse Bazooka

Sponge bath time!

S11 My Leg!

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Fred

You know, this reminds me of a song. [sings] ♪ When I met you, my fingers went numb and my arms were all aloof.

But I tripped over your heart.

And now, my loneliness went poof.

Because... my leg is in love!

Hey, my leg is in love!

Like an old, snug shoe that fits like a glove!

My leg is in love!

Wow, my leg is in love!

Through my femur to the marrow is where Cupid shot an arrow!

So, my leg is in love!

Whoa! My leg is in love!

My calves are getting restless!

My quads are going crazy!

I'm in love with a nurse, and I think her name is Daisy! ♪

NDNurse Daisy Bazooka

[blushes] Me?

CChorus

♪ His leg is in love!

Yeah! His leg is in love! ♪

Fred

♪ I really mean it!

Yeah, my leg! ♪

CChorus

♪ His leg! ♪

Fred

♪ Oh, yes! ♪

CChorus

♪ Oh, yes! ♪

Fred

♪ My leg is in love! ♪

CChorus

♪ His leg is in love! ♪

Fred

♪ Yeah! ♪

S11 My Leg!

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[Mr. Krabs is bathing in a tub of money in the restaurant. SpongeBob and Sandy enter the restaurant and sulk over to Mr. Krabs]

Oh, Mr. Krabs! [Mr. Krabs gasps and hides in the tub] I got all the secret ingredients on your list, but Plankton stole them all! I made the apocalypse! [cries a fountain of tears and spray them all over the restaurant, which hits Mr. Krabs]

[Sandy gets drenched on by the tears and activates the windshield wipers on her helmet]

[plugs SpongeBob's mouth with a cork] Now, now, son. You didn't make the apocalypse. I couldn't afford to have Plankton following me while I was getting the real ingredients at the Barg'N-Mart, could I? [pushes the button on the table Fred is eating on and it flips over showing a shopping cart containing the real Krabby Patty ingredients]

Fred

[screams] MY LEG!

So, my list was a fake? So, no apocalypse?

No apocalypse.

I saved the world! [laughs and dances around the restaurant while Sandy glares angrily at Mr. Krabs] No apocalypse! No apocalypse! No apocalypse! No apocalypse!

Let's not go too far.

Sandy

[rolls up her sleeves] You mean you sent my best friend on a dangerous wild goose chase just so you could go shopping?! [backs Mr. Krabs into his office] Excuse us, SpongeBob. [closes the door while wearing her karate glove] This is for my tail!

Wait, Sandy, I was—

Sandy

Hi-yah! [karate chops Mr. Krabs really hard. Mr. Krabs ends up crashing into the door, buttocks first] This is for almost getting us killed!

Wait, Sandy!

Sandy

Hi-yah! [karate chops Mr. Krabs really hard again. This time, head first at the door, and comes out with a bag of money as compensation for Sandy's submarine] And this is for my submarine, Matilda! [Mr. Krabs comes out and is completely beaten up. She kicks the plank Mr. Krabs is standing on] Hi-yah! Hi-yah! [karate chops Mr. Krabs and sends him flying through the roof]

Well, I guess I had that coming.

[Meanwhile, at the Chum Bucket, Plankton is fixing up a batch of Krabby Patties with the fake ingredients]

Can you believe it, Karen? After all these years, the secret ingredients are finally here! And the final ingredient: ghost dandruff! [pulls out a bucket of ghost dandruff from the bag]

Karen

[backs away] I wouldn't add that last one...

[adds ghost dandruff to the batch] Ha, ha! I can't wait to see the look on Krabs' face! [stirs the fake ingredients all together. Then all of a sudden, the Chum Bucket explodes and sends Plankton flying in the sky. He screams until he sees Mr. Krabs] Krabs?