SpongeBob SquarePants · Season 14
Congratulations, Plankton. But remember, this technique is to be used [points] strictly for self-defense.
Oh, of course, Sensei Sandy. [leans in] Uh, wink? [takes off gi] Buh-bye! [laughs]
[Sandy stares ahead with a blank expression.]
Uh, Sandy? [zoom out to show Sandy standing on him] Could you give me a ride to the hospital?
Whoops! [steps off him] Oh, sure, SpongeBob. Heh-heh.
Bad news for you, Plankton. [gets closer to Plankton's face] I don't have any feet!
[stunned] You what? [A close-up on Mr. Krabs' feet is shown, but they are very messy. The right foot has plasters and grease, while the left foot has barnacles and grease. A foghorn plays in the background.] Just my luck, I guess.
[sighs] Six to eight weeks before I can attack the Krusty Krab again. Oh, well. At least I'm not in traction anymore. [a wheelchair wheel rolls over him] Augh!
[Sandy is pushing a bandaged SpongeBob in a wheelchair.]
Oh, boy! Only six to eight weeks before I can work at the Krusty Krab again! [Sandy pushes him forward]
Ouch! Ka-ra-tay is a pain in the-- [gets squished against the road] ouch!
Hey there, ma'am. [raises sunglasses] Is this beach taken? [winks]
Oh, my. Eugene, you're so well-defined. [sees Mr. Krabs has left] Eugene?
[Pan over to Mr. Krabs surrounded by cheering beachgoers.]
Take a look. [shows off muscles] These are called gains, people. [flexes butt] Yeah. [strains]
[off-screen; the words slide on screen] Breaking News. [the words shatter]
I'm Gale Doppler with the big weather. And I'd like to report it's sunny skies for Bikini Bottom. But not today, [a map of the ocean slides behind him] cause there's a storm warning coming at ya. [an animated image group of faux-chovies is shown] We got a gust of faux-chovies coming in from the southwest. Now with [pokes his eye] a closer look, here's our man on the street, Rube Goldfish!
Thanks, Gale! I'm here with the faux-chovies that are causing all this meep-abaloo. Now I just have to ask the question everyone wants to know. What in the world does "meep" mean? [The faux-chovies surround circle Rube and turn him into a faux-chovy. rises from the middle of the circle] A-meep-ing!
Haha, thanks Rube! So if you don't wanna turn into an anchovy today, you're advised to stay indoors until that faux-chovy pressure system [pushes the faux-chovy group image] moves away. Haha. [the image comes back] Huh? [the image jumps at Gale] Whoa! [he falls down and when he gets up, he has the shape of a faux-chovy and his eyes become strabismus] Haha, meep!
[opens the roof to the Krusty Krab and meeping is heard, and he has a box of pizza] Pizza delivery!
Huh? [they move out of the way and the box drops in the middle of them]
Pizza?! [runs away back to the bus and it drives away]
[smells the pizza] Mmmmm!
Mmmm, that smells good! [turns back into himself] Boing!
[Everyone else turns back into themselves.]
[walks to SpongeBob] Phew! I thought we'd never snap out of that faux-chovy thing!
Sorry, Mr. Krabs! I didn't realize how easy it is to get swept up into a meep mentality!
It's not your fault, boy-o. We're just lucky that pizza is the anchovies' natural enemy!
Yeah, whoever ordered that pie saved our lives! [he, Lady Upturn, Mrs. Puff, and Pearl open the box of pizza]
And we shouldn't let it go to waste! [Patrick rubs his palms together] It's still hot!
Oh-ho-ho-ho! [runs to the box and picks up a slice, walks away, and it falls on him] What? No anchovies?
All that meeping made me hungry too! Mr. Squidward, we need some paper plates out here!
Squidward? Uh, are you here?
Now just where is that lazy bum while all this is going on?
Thanks for the ride!
[holding up egg salad sandwich] And the egg salad sandwiches. [shoves the sandwich into his mouth]
You folks are lucky! I was just heading into the city to pick up the new Farmer's Almanac!
To celebrate, I think I will have another one of those sandwiches. [reaches down into his seat]
Whoa! You just ate!
I can almost reach. [plane bends]
Whoa!
[The plane forms a crack in the middle.]
Stop shaking the plane or I'll pull this thing right over! [The plane breaks in half, and the back half with Squidward and Bubble Bass falls off.] Thank you. Much better.
[opens door] Hey! [walks over to yell] Get off my sand! [falls into box] Whoa! [thumping and yelling] What's happening? Where am I?
[injures herself] I need an ambulance! [SpongeBob laughs uncontrollably] How dare you laugh at my misfortune! Mr. Krabs, fire this cretin at once!
You heard her! Come back when you're not a gigglin' idiot!
[laughs] Don't come back?! B-B-But Mr. Krabs, I'm not laughing on p-p-purpose! [laughs]
[gasps] He's laughing at you, Fifi! [faints]
[whimpers, growls, and attacks SpongeBob for laughing at her]
[laughing] I'm sorry, Fifi! I'm a monster! [runs away laughing, causing everyone to become annoyed by his obnoxious laughter] I gotta hide. That way my laughter won't hurt anyone else.
Holy herring, I'm squatting on a corpse!
[suddenly comes to life] Would you get off my chest? [takes his nose and puts it back on]
[laughs] Huh? You're alive? [laughing]
Of course I'm alive! This is a living funeral, and you're ruining it!
S-S-S-Sorry. I'm not laughing at you, Sparklenose. [stands up] Oh, I'll just get off of your chest. [prepares to leave but falls over] Whoa! [breaks stand that holds the wreath, causing it to fall on Sparklenose]
[sniffs] I'm allergic to wreath pollen! Ahh...ahh...ahh...
Cheese it! He's gonna blow!
ACHOOOO!!!! [his disco ball explodes and everyone is covered in sparkles]
[snickers] Sorry. [laughs]
You turned my clown funeral into a joke! [he and the other clowns honk their horns at SpongeBob as payback]
[laughing] Forgive me, Sparklenose! [runs away while laughing]
[laughing]
Grandma? You can't stop laughing either?
Of course not, dearie. My funny bone got stuck years ago when I was your age.
Your funny bone?
That's right. It happens to everyone in our family. Be proud of that laugh, SpongeBob. To be a SquarePants is to laugh loud at life. Enjoy a good laugh with me.
Aww, thanks, Grandma?
These tearjerker movies always crack me up. [she and her grandson share a heartfelt laugh together]
[crying] I'm all out of popcorn! Now, it's a tragedy! [blows his nose in the empty popcorn bag]
[humming] Order up for Old Man Jenkins. One Krabby Patty with crust removed and one side salad.
I ordered fries, not a salad!
The fries are in the salad.
Okay, I'll try it. [takes it] But only 'cause I'm so hungry. [tastes it, spins around and is now wearing a kid outfit] Aha!
Ooh!
It reminds me of my mother's cooking when I was but a boy. I'm filled with childish glee! [giggles and skips away]
[The scene bubble wipes to SpongeBob walking Gary to the pet park. He shows Gary to a guard.]
[removes sunglasses] Huh. Alright, go on through. [SpongeBob and Gary walk into the park, then Patrick walks to the entrance. stops Patrick with his hand while in a goofy position] Hold it right there! I'm gonna need to see some proof of pet.
Of course! [holds up his "pet," which is just a rock]
[takes off his sunglasses] That's a rock.
Yeah! His name is Rolly!
I don't see how this thing is a pet?
[tosses Rolly onto the guard's face] Oh, here! Take a closer look! [Rolly rolls off the guards face, and the guard falls down.]
Oh, yes, he's adorable! Go right in! [face falls flat]
[as Plankton stands up and tries to keep his balance] Legs ain't your problem, honey. If you want to tango, you got to learn to dance with your [moves hips] hips.
With my lips? [live-action close-up of him moving his lips] This isn't working.
[eyes roll off her screen] Ugh.
That's because I said hips! Watch me. All you got to do is... [moves hips]
Wow, your hips are so hip. You got your work cut out for you, Sheldon.
My hips can't do that.
Of course they can. You got to force them to do it. [holds onto Plankton and Karen] The tango is physical, [dances with Karen] emotional, and most importantly, [pushes the two out of the way] aggressive.
What?
Aggressive? [grinning evilly with Karen] Now you're talking my language.
Yeah, we speak fluent aggression.
Good. Tap into that aggression and put it in your [flexes arm] hips. Now, abrazo. [slams hands together] Embrace!
[grabbing onto each other] Abrazo.
[reading the directions on Mr. Krabs' cookbook] A cup of milk? Two eggs? A loaf of bread? And kelp sugar? Eh, all right. [puts the ingredients in a cauldron] Shoo. [a plate of French toast floats up] French toast? [taps her wand in the green substance and hash browns, quiche, and huevos rancheros float up] Hash browns? Quiche? Huevos rancheros? What the heck? What's wrong with this blasted spellbook? [grabs the cookbook and reads the name] "Uncle Jimmy's Breakfast Magic"? It's a cookbook! Oh... I better find out who got my spell book, and fast. [the plate of quiche bumps into her arm] Huh? Right [the wand transforms into a fork] after I finish my quiche.
[Bubble transition back to inside the Krusty Krab, where the customers are still in the breakfast transformations with SpongeBob, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs in worry.]
Why is this happening?
Maybe all the weird stuff I've been cooking caused all of this. [Squidward looks at him unamused, and SpongeBob chuckles nervously] Would explain the [the Necronomicon book flies out the order window] cauldron too. [points to the Necronomicon flying] And the flying cookbook.
[The cookbook flies to the front of the restaurant and emits a green light, which grabs various breakfast items to create a body.]
[as the cookbook forms the items into a body]'" The cookbook is using tasty breakfast treats to create a monster!
[The cookbook roars and everyone in the restaurant screams. The Evil Witch appears with a purple cloud emit.]
Oh, so this is where my spell book went.
[The breakfast monster kicks barrels and a table away, breaks off another table and throws it at SpongeBob, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs - which they duck.]
Ooh, a customer! Take her order, Squidward.
Uh, thanks, but I couldn't eat another bite! [belches] I'm here to swap books with ya. I think my spell book got mixed with your cookbook.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's SpongeBob SquarePants pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
