SpongeBob SquarePants quotes

I think since spraying the park bench was my idea, I should get to spray it.

Patrick, spraying the park bench was my idea.

Yeah, but I said it was a good idea!

Give me that thing!

[SpongeBob grabs the can and he and Patrick wrestle over it. SpongeBob accidentally sprays their clothes and they disappear]

Hey, the invisible spray works!

[A tour bus drives up.]

TTom

And on your right, if you look, you'll see two naked guys fighting over a can of paint!

[The passengers and Tom laugh. The bus drives off. SpongeBob covers his lower half]

Oh my gosh, Patrick, help me find our clothes!

[SpongeBob pats the ground, trying to grab the clothes. Patrick sprays SpongeBob's right hand and it disappears]

I gotta hand it to you, SpongeBob. You look kinda funny.

[Patrick laughs and SpongeBob screams.]

Righty, where are you? [Patrick laughs again.] No one messes with Righty! [takes the spray can with his invisible hand.] We'll see how you like it! [sprays Patrick making a hole in the middle of his body] Kind of gives you an empty feeling, huh?

[Patrick takes the can.]

Yeah! [He sprays SpongeBob's upper left corner.] I see what you mean!

[SpongeBob takes the spray can and sprays Patrick's lower half.]

No guts, no glory! [laughs]

Narrator

Several bad puns later...

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[The scene changes to show Sandy's treedome. The scene then shows her reading a book in a rocking chair in her tree. She hears a noise, which is SpongeBob and Patrick's laughter. She checks to see what it is, but there is supposedly nothing there. She gets up and goes to her window.]

Sandy

Huh? [the outside of her tree is shown] Well, that's funny, I thought I heard voices. Huh? [walks up to a glass of juice on the floor] I thought I left that glass of peanut juice on the table. [walks over to a table with a lamp covered in garbage] And didn't I toss that old lamp out yesterday? And since when did I acquire all these portraits of Patrick?!

[Photos of Patrick are on the walls and tables, and the rug has his face on it. Sandy turns around and sees SpongeBob and Patrick covered in white sheets over their heads as they wail.]

SPSpongeBob and Patrick

We're ghosts.

[SpongeBob and Patrick wail again. Sandy laughs.]

Sandy

I knew it was you guys! Alright, joke's over. Take off the sheets. [pulls off the sheets and notices there is nothing there, then gasps] It is ghosts!

[Sandy shrieks. She takes out a remote with a large red button. She presses the button and an escape pod that is in the shape of an acorn appears out of some panels. She enters the escape pod and presses a button. The escape pod flies out of her dome, above the water, past the Bikini Bottom island, and lands in Texas. The escape pod explodes in Texas. SpongeBob and Patrick leave Sandy's house, laughing.]

Boy, we really scared her!

[SpongeBob and Patrick laugh.]

Who's gonna be our next victim?

A better question would be, "Who isn't?"

[The scene changes to show Mrs. Puff's house, where she is preparing to eat a piece of cake.]

Mrs. Puff

Double-dark deep-sea light diet cake! [laughs] You will soon be mine. [Patrick and possibly SpongeBob eat(s) the cake, making it look like ghosts have eaten it. Patrick's face is covered in cake. He belches loudly and wipes it off] Oh! [gets filled up with air and then lets it out flying all around] Ghosts!

[Her deflated body lands on the table.]

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Squidward

[shouts, runs out of the house after seeing the invisible SpongeBob & Patrick painting a mustache on his face] Ghosts!

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[voice only, invisible] Krabs, we've come to haunt you!

[as the ball bounces on his paddle ball faster] Stay back! I'm well-armed! [the barrel floats by] I'm warning you! [scissors cut the string from the paddle ball he's using]

SPSpongeBob/Patrick

[voices only, invisible] Boo!

[Mr. Krabs breaks out of his armor and shrieks in horror.]

I gotta get out of here! [bumps into the door, only to find out the doors were glued]

[voice only, invisible] You can't escape, Krabs! We've glued the door shut!

Yeah.

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S3 E11Party Pooper Pants

Hey, get off my lawn! Party? There ain't no party here! Go away!

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The Plan Your Own Party Kit warns that unsupervised parties can lead to disaster. That's why I've taken the liberty of devising a schedule: 8 o'clock to 8:05: Guests arrive. 8:05-8:15: Opening remarks and general discussion. 8:15-8:27: Craft corner, followed by name tag distribution. At 8:27, we begin the qualifying rounds for our cracker-eating slash tongue-twister contest. 9:07: running charades. 9:38: charity apple-bob. 9:57: Electric jitterbug dance marathon, ladies' choice. [winks] At 10:09, things start cooking as I dip into my world-famous knock-knock joke vault!

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A jolly idea, Potty! A little live music'll get me shindig dug! Who'd you get? Barnacle Bill and the Seven Seas?

No.

Seaweed Sally and her Cackling Turtle?

No.

Oh, oh, I know! The First Mates!

No.

Saltwater Sam, featuring the Brine Brothers?

No.

Uh, Rusty Hinges and the Boys from the Brig?

They broke up years ago.

Ohh, Potty, that's the worst sea shanty I've ever heard. I certainly hope it doesn't get any louder. Ohhhhh! [woman cheers] [a blast of music sends Patchy flying backwards out of the house, blasting him through six houses before slamming face-first into a metal telephone pole with a grunt. Back at the party, the band continues to play as the guests continues cheering; Patchy enters his house while covered with debris] No, no, no! Stop the music! [woman cheers] [yelling as he goes to the band as everyone stops dancing] Sto-o-o-o-o-o-o-op...! [music stops]

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Look, boys. I know you fellas sound good around the birdbath, but this here is basic cable! This is the big time. I'm afraid it's time for you to walk the plank.

LSLead Singer

You mean we're fired?

Nooooo...

[Snap to the Bird Brains standing on a plank outside a window upstairs with Patchy pointing a sword at them.]

Go on! Start jumping, or you're gonna be dealing with the business end of me sword.

[Patchy waves his sword at them, laughing, but the birds just fly away]

No! I forgot that you're birds! [wails and whacks himself with the sword]

Okay, Gary. Get ready. It's almost 8:00! Here they come!

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[reading his name tag that says, "HELLO, MY NAME IS PATRICK" upside down] Kirtap si eman, Y, M, O, 77, eh. I don't get it.

No, you dumb bunny! It says "Hello, my name is Patrick"!

[shakes his hand] Nice to meet you, Patrick!

[laughs] Good one, Patrick! [both laugh]

[he and Mr. Krabs laugh] Yeah.

What's going on here?! The laughter isn't scheduled until 9:03! You want to throw a party, do it at your house, Patrick.

Was he talking to me or you?

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[looking at discussion cards]

What does yours say, Plankton?

PPlankton

Um...Oh, yes. "Discuss the secret formula for the Krabby Patty." [the card actually reads, "Where are you from?"] Ahem...How interesting.

Nice try, Plankton.

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I can take losing the topic cards and the phone in the punch bowl... but I was supposed to lead THE BUNNY HOP! This is a bunch of barnacles! [runs up to the door with a pickaxe] I'M BREAKING IN!!!!!!!

OOrange Officer

[catches SpongeBob about to do so] Well, well, well. What do we have here? A burglar bunny. Why do they do it, O'Malley?

OMOfficer O'Malley

I don't know. It's probably how he gets his kicks.

OOrange Officer

You criminals make me sick.

I'm no criminal! I live here! I'm...I'm just throwing a party, I got locked out! I swear!

[Pause]

OOrange Officer

Well, why didn't you say so? What a terrible misunderstanding!

OMOfficer O'Malley

You have a nice party now, sir!

Boy, for a second there, I thought I was going to be arrested for breaking into my own house! What an ironic twist that would have been.

OOrange Officer

HEY!

[yelps]

OOrange Officer

Wait a second. If you're throwing a party... why weren't we invited?!

[stammers] But, I... you, uh, I didn't know... The Plan Your Own P-party Kit did-didn't mention the police!

OMOfficer O'Malley

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, motor-mouth, tell it to the judge. [handcuffs SpongeBob, but the cuffs are broken] Oh no, these cuffs are broken.

OOrange Officer

Huh, we can't bring him in in broken cuffs. I got an old pair in the car we can use.

[SpongeBob is being taken to the car in a pillory]

Is it too late to offer you some punch?

OMOfficer O'Malley

Sir, you have the right to remain silent.

I understand.

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[blows his harmonica first, then sings as he plays his one-man-band] OH! Scurvy ain't for the likes of me, Yo Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho... OOOH! Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho.... OH... Scurvy ain't for the likes of me-

Uh… It’s time for your flute solo.

Thank you, Potty, I almost forgot... [suddenly realizes] Wait a minute. I don't play a flute. I play a fife. [realizes he's holding a lit stick of dynamite] AAAH! Potty, no! [explodes]

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S3 E14Ugh (aka SpongeBob B.C.)

Like I was saying, prehistoric times were the greatest. It was a simpler time with simpler pleasures. Your clothes always match. [cut to him with a paintbrush] You can draw on the walls and nobody would yell at ya. [holds up a club] It was much easier to hit a baseball. Oh yeah, prehistoric times were the best.

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[to a whimpering SpongeBob] SpongeBob! What's wrong?

I don't know, Mr. Krabs. But I've got the strangest feeling that somewhere a pirate and a parrot are arguing about me...[close up on his scared face] and the parrot is winning!

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Hooray. It looks like our prehistoric pals have just discovered fire, but they will soon learn that when you play with fire, you may get burned. Stay tuned. [cut back to Patchy, who is laughing hysterically]

I told you prehistoric times were fun! Hey! How's about I teach you kids how a caveman makes a fire with [holds up two sticks] two sticks? [rubs them together] Yeah... Doesn't get any cooler than that, huh? Chalk one up for Patchy! [a "I" is chalked up on the wall below a sign reading "Prehistory"] Rubbing... [he pants. Nothing is happening, and he eventually gives up] I guess this is a type of wood that doesn't burn. [a laser shoots through and lights the two sticks on fire, startling Patchy] Potty! [we see Potty with a laser cannon on his back]

[squawk] Laser technology. Score one for the future. [cut to the digital screen next to the prehistory chalk labeled "The Future." The score goes from "00" to "01"]

Well, I have something that you'll never find in your little [air quotes] future: a real live caveman. Hmm... [the caveman walks in from behind] Hey, there he is! Come on in, big troglodyte fella. Come on… [the caveman is very slowly approaching] You see kids, I found him frozen in a block of ice and then I spent three days thawing him out with my mom's hair dryer. I call him Cavey. [the caveman approaches the camera, and recoils in horror. Patchy chuckles] Isn't he something? It's OK, Cavey. [another "I" is chalked up for "Prehistory"]

That's nothing, old timer. Make way for the future. [a door swings up and a robot named X-29488 enters the room]

X2X-29488

Greetings. I am the X-29488. How may I serve you? ["The Future" score goes from "01" to "02"; beat]

Where do you keep getting all this stuff!?

Never you mind, pops. Let's go see what Cavey thinks. [squawks. Cavey slowly approaches the robot, and touches it. The robot's eyes start flashing red. A siren goes off]

X2X-29488

Attack! Attack! [Cavey starts to run off and the robot gives slow chase, shooting lasers at him. For every shot, "The Future" score keeps going up]

Potty! You're ruining me caveman show!

X2X-29488

Attack! Attack! [the robot continues to shoot lasers. Cut to the exterior, which is rumbling]

Will Patchy ever get control of the special? [cut to SpongeGar, mesmerized by the fire] What will SpongeBob do with fire? [cut to the SpongeBob B.C. screen] Stay tuned to SpongeBob SquarePants B.C. and find out.

[Fade on a black screen. After the commercial break, we cut back to Patchy's cave house, the house still rumbling.]

Welcome back to SpongeBob SquarePants B.C. Sounds like things have gone from bad to worse for Patchy. Let's watch. [inside, the robot is still firing lasers, and Cavey throws a giant rock at him. Patchy is huddled behind the couch. Potty watches with a soda and popcorn]

[squawk] This is great.

Ahoy, glad you're back. [ducks a laser] Let's watch the rest of SpongeBob B.C. while I get things straightened out around here. Whoa! [ducks as a giant rock falls on him. He comes up dazed] Or... maybe not. [collapses. Cut back to the freeze frame of Sponge, Pat, and Squog]