You son of a bitch, Butters.
Huh?
YOU TOLD ME I WAS A GHOST!!!!
But then I thought you were one!
HOW STUPID ARE YOU?! So help me God, Butters, I'm gonna get you back for this! I am going to GET! YOU! BACK!
S9 E6The Death of Eric Cartman
S9 E7Erection Day
[reading a note from the sex ed "question box"] "Mr. Mackey is gay." OK, kids, that's not funny, m'kay! This box is supposed to be used for serious questions, about serious issues, m'kay? Let's stop the tomfoolery. M'kay, let's look at a real one here. "Dear Mr. Mackey, you are gay." All right, all right, that is enough, kids! Let's quiet down and try to be mature, m'kay! Here we go, m'kay. "Mr. Mackey, sometimes my parents hit me...and you are gay." Dammit is there not one serious question in here?! [quietly going through notes] "Mr. Mackey's gay..." "Mr. Mackey's gay..." Okay, here: "I am a boy at South Park Elementary. Sometimes when I'm sitting in class, my penis becomes hard for no reason. What should I do?"
IIke
[singing] I have a Yankee Doodle sweetheart, she's my Yankee Doodle girl. 'Yankee Doodle came to London, just to ride the ponies! I am DA Yankee Doodle, I am DA Yankee Doodle, I am DA Yankee Doodle boy!
'Ey, who's dropping bombs in there?! How 'bout a courtesy flush?!
Up yours, Butters!
Shawna, I was wondering if I could put my penis in your vagina.
S9 E8Two Days Before the Day After Tomorrow
Maybe we should strip these jackets off and warm our bodies next to each other.
Don't be a fag!
Dude! Dude, did you see the news last night?
Yeah.
You saw all those people trapped on their roofs?
Yeah, that was pretty funny.
[draws a line near near the bottom of a USA map] Everyone below this line will have to be evacuated to the South... [draws another line further up] Everyone above this line is already dead. [draws two horizontal lines in between the two verticals] People like us in the middle states will have to ride it out... [draws a sphere] People in the balmy south-western states might have a chance, but [draws a small horizontal line between and at the end of the two horizontals] New York will have tidal waves that will envelop the north-east. [draws a circle, making the diagram resemble a penis and testicles]
[long pause; a man stifles a snigger]
What, Frank?
[he continues to snigger and points to Randy's penis-shaped diagram]
[looks at it a moment and realizes] Aw! Oh, goddammit. [draws a squiggle to cover it]
Global warming isn't happening right now. It's not what caused the Beaverton flood.
How do you know?
Because... I know what did cause the Beaverton flood.
George Bush?
No...
Terrorists?
No...
Communists?
No...
Chinese radicals?
No...
[brief pause]
...Cartman?
...kind of.
CARTMAN FLOODED BEAVERTON?!
Give me your Jew gold now!
Goddamn it, you know I don't carry gold in a little bag around my neck, Cartman. What do you want from me?
I want your Jew gold.
We must save these people!
How?
Why?
[repeated line]
TTownsfolk
We didn't listen! [echoed] We didn't listen!
AMAngry Man
It's George Bush's fault!
AMAnother Man
Yeah! George Bush doesn't care about beavers!
It's MY fault. I broke the dam.
[long pause]
Aw, man...
...Stanley...you?
MMan
No. Don't you see what this child is saying? We can't spend all our energy placing blame when something bad happens. He's saying...we all broke the dam.
No. I broke the dam.
WWoman
I broke the dam.
MMan
I broke the dam.
MMan
I broke the dam.
No. I broke the dam.
WWoman
And I broke the dam.
MMan
I broke the dam.
He he...I broke the dam!
MMan
I broke the dam.
WWoman
I broke the dam.
[trying to insist] I broke the dam. I ran a boat into the dam and I broke it.
MMan
I broke the dam.
MMan
I broke the dam.
MMan
I broke the dam.
MMan
I broke the dam.
No! I broke the fucking dam!
MMan
I broke the dam.
MMan
I broke the dam.
I literally broke the dam!
MMan
I broke the dam.
MMan
I broke the dam.
On a boat! That wasn't mine!
MMan
I broke the dam.
MMan
I broke the dam.
I kept it secret for two days!
MMan
I broke the dam.
MMan
I broke the dam.
The boat caught on fire and it exploded!
MMan
I broke the dam.
MMan
I broke the dam.
Aw, fuck it!
S9 E9Marjorine
Butters commits suicide because he's been Chawhee'd.
Ah, gentlemen, thank you for coming. We don't have a lot of time, so I'll cut to the chase. The girls at our school have been hiding something from us; hiding something huge.
What?
What if I were to tell you that the girls have a device which allows them to see into the future?
What?
How do you know?
The girls do not have a device that shows them the future, Cartman. That's retarded.
[with a faux British accent] You, sir, mocked Cartman before. Yet you too sit here demanding answers. Now damn you, let him speak!
[pause]
[Somewhat shocked] Thank you, Clyde.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.