South Park Season 9 quotes

Mr.and Mrs. Stotch?

Yes? What is it, officer?

You'd better come quick.

Your son is at the Bowery Building, threatening to kill himself.

What?!

[grabs the bullhorn from the officer] Butters? Butters, whatever is troubling you, this isn't the answer. Just come down, son, and... we promise we won't ground you for more than a couple of weeks.

[After Butters jumps off the building and dies] OHHHH MY GOD!!

Why don't you tell the children a little about yourself, Marjorine?

I'm just a typical little girl. I like dancing, and ponies, and getting my snootch pounded on Friday nights.

Nice.

Now, Marjorine, that's not very ladylike. Us Colorado girls love to get pounded in the snizz just like any woman, but we keep it to ourselves.

[after the pig splatters everywhere and he checks the pulse] "He... Didn't make it".

Mr. Stotch, I know what you're thinking.

Who are you?

I came to talk you out of it. You need to just accept that your son is dead... and not try to bring him back.

Bring him back? What-what are you talking about?

I know you're thinking of putting him up there, in the Indian burial ground up that road. You're thinking if you bury his body there it'll come back to life. But sometimes dead is better.

Indian burial ground?

It's been done before, what you're thinking of. The Nelson boy, back in '85...

You're saying if I dig up my son's body and rebury him at the old Indian burial ground--

Don't do it, Stotch! What comes out of the ground... ain't the thing you put in. The Indians knew that, that's why they stopped usin' it when the ground went sour. I'm just here to talk you out of it. [heads for the door] Don't bury your son's body at the Indian burial ground, Stotch! The one that's right up over there, behind the Andersons's barn. Sometimes... dead is better.

Cartman

God only knows the horrors that go on at girls's slumber parties.

Hey, Marjorine you want to know your future?

What the hell?

Cartman

Hahahaha! We have the device now! The power belong to us! Hahahaha!

Anybody has a piece of notebook paper so I can make another one?

You're demon-spawn now, son.

You mean like that movie, Juwanna Mann?

Cartman

No, not like the movie Juwanna Mann! It's way cooler than that!

Cartman

[advising Butters] ...just roll with it if they start lezzing out.

Butters

[after his parents leave a dead body for him to eat] Can't I just have some Spaghetti-Os?

Cartman

[after Kenny blows up the future-telling device with a mushroom cloud so large it can be seen from space] Damn, Ken!

We've completed our scientific non-biased study of fags having kids.