Just because we shared an intimate moment in the hot tub, I'm not going to let it--
We did not share an intimate moment, okay? That makes it sound gay!
S3 E8Two Guys Naked in a Hot Tub
Great party, Mr. Mackey. Mr. Hat just grabbed Principal Victoria's ass.
Oh dear God, they're going to set us on fire. Oh great Jesus son of Mary, wife of Joseph! What are we going to do, huh? Oh sweet Joseph, husband of Mary but not father of sweet Jesus.
PPip
We were just playing a game called Wicker-shams and Ducklers. Do you want to play?
No.
PPip
I'm the head Wicker-knicker. And you are all little Wicker-shams. We all sing the merry tune of Stratford until I yell, "Hurrah!" and then you all fall down laughing, and I join you, as I find it funny too.
We're all a little gay.
AATF Agent
We're not going to let them commit suicide, even if we have to kill them.
S3 E9Jewbilee
I desire…macaroni pictures.
He [Kenny] doesn't get cake?
No cake for the impurity!
And let us glue paper plates together with beans inside so when you shake them they make rattling noises.
RRabbi
Paper plate bean shakers, of course!
And let us put patterns of glue on the outside and glitter so they look all nice and sparkly.
ESElder Schwartz
You heard him, Scouts! Let's get to work!
S3 E10Korn's Groovy Pirate Ghost Mystery
RARadio Announcer
How do you feel about the KOZY-FM Halloween Haunt, little boy?
This one time, like eight months ago, I saw two guys kissing in a park. And that was the gayest thing I'd ever seen, until I saw the KOZY-FM Halloween Haunt.
Hey you guys! You know what time of year it is?
Of course, dumb ass, it's Halloween.
That's right, and that means only two more months till Christmas! [singing] You'd better watch out, you'd better not cry...
Christmas?
...Christmastime is presents for me.
Welcome to Spooky Laboratory. [pulls out a blindfold and puts it over Cartman's eyes] I'm your guide, Dr. Spookalot. Allow me to show around the lab. [leads him to a table on which is a bowl of eggs and a bowl of Jell-o cubes]
Cool!
SDr. Spookalot
Here I have a bowl of human eyeballs.
[rolls his fingers around the eggs] Ew-ho-ho.
SDr. Spookalot
[switches bowls] And here you can feel the brains.
[rolls his fingers through the Jell-o cubes] Oh-ho, gross.
SDr. Spookalot
[leads him to a donkey] And here you can feel the warm innards of the body. [Cartman reaches into the donkey's anus and the donkey looks surprised]
Ew, it feels like cold spaghetti! You guys, it feels like cold spaghetti!
[walks up with Kyle and Kenny] Come on, fat ass, we have to go!
CCartman
Ey! Don't call me fat! [Mrs. Cartman giggles] Mom, don't laugh.
I'm sorry, hon.
CCartman
[to his friends] I can't go with you guys right now.
Yes you can, Porky. [Mrs. Cartman giggles again]
CCartman
Mom, seriously! [her giggles die down]
Oh, that's not funny, boys. Eric isn't fat, he's big-boned.
He must have a huge bone in his ass, then. [Cartman's mom bursts out laughing]
CCartman
God damn it, Mom!
OK. It's almost open. Ready? 1, 2, 3! [they pry the door open, and then jump back and peer in] Whoa, dude.
Oh, my God. [the corpse sways to the right, against the casket wall] Hi, Grandma.
VVoice
Hi, Kyle.
[hops back] Aah!
[providing the voice] Have you been a good boy, Kyle? Have you been making Grandma proud?
Dammit, Cartman, that's not funny!
[chuckling] Eh eh, yes it is.
We could shove a stick up her ass and use her like a puppet: "Rowr, rowr, I'm Scary Grandma!"
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.