South Park Season 3 quotes

Stan

Oh, no, there's nothing worse than Cartman with authoritah!

Cartman

Hey guys, check out this song I made up, it's called "I hate you guys." [singing] I hate you guys! You guys are assholes! Especially Kenny! I hate him the most!

Now kids we're going to talk about sexual harassment

Cartman

Is sexual harassment when you're making out with a girl and a guy tickles your balls from behind?

No, Cartman, That's not sexual harassment.

You see, Kyle, we live in a liberal, democratic society. And democrats make sexual harassment laws. These laws tell us what we can and can't say in the workplace, and what we can and can't do in the workplace.

Kyle

Isn't that fascism?

No, because we don't call it fascism. Do you understand?

Kyle

Do you?

When one Panda puts his furry little willy in another Panda's ear, that makes me a saaaaaaaaad Panda.

How would you like a big Panda punch in your puss?

Hey Panda Bear! We don't take kindly to your types around here.

Now, Skeeter, he isn't hurting nobody.

No! I want to know something from Mr. Panda Bear here. If you pandas are from mountainous areas of China and Tibet, how come you only eat bamboo which is prone to grow in dryer, more arid regions?

Hello kids, I'm Hoppy the 'don't do stuff that might irritate your inner ear' badger.

Hello there, boys.

Stan

Whoa! Who are you?

I'm Willy, the "Don't Stare Directly Into The Sun" Worm. Now, you boys know not to stare directly into the sun, right?

Yes.

That can burn your retinas and make you blind. [pulls out some shades and a cane, puts on the shades, and sticks the cane out, to simulate a blind person, then puts his props away]

Stan

...Thanks a lot, dude.

[rushes up snapping two pairs of scissors around] Oink oink! Be sure to run around with scissors, says Oinky, the "Run Around With Scissors" Pig.

Cartman

I thought you weren't supposed to run around with scissors.

That's why he's on the Island Of Misfit Mascots. [Oinky walks away]

They're having a cat orgy!

Cartman

They mostly come out at night...mostly.

Okay, check check, check, 1, 2, check. Okay, ready? All right, let's try the new song. This is a song I wrote for you, Shelley... When I saw her walking down the street, I thought she was Shelley, Shelley.

Cartman

Aw, man, you guys suck.

Now that we're together I'm absolutely sure that she's Shelley, Shelley.

Cartman

You're the crappiest band I have ever heard!

Move into my mom's house with me, Shelley, Shelley.

I pledge allegiance...to the flag...of the United States of...Shelley, Shelley!

Hey, shut up, Tubby!

Cartman

Don't call me fat! Now you guys are not supposed to be in nyah! You get out now and respect mah authoritah!

Can I be Jaclyn Smith? Can I?

Butters

No, uh, I get to be Jaclyn Smith. See, I thought of Charlie's Angels and I get to be Jaclyn Smith c-cause I thought of it.