Man, recess sucks without any slides or nothing.
(Damien approaches) Oh, here comes the unholy butthole now. Hey! Thanks a lot for burning everything down, you little bitch!
DDamien
I apologize for ruining your playground and turning your friend into a duck-billed platypus. I was doing my father's bidding. I didn't have a choice.
[Cartman farts beside him.]
Oh! Excuse me, new kid! I didn't mean to fart on you - I didn't have a choice!
[Damien looks angry enough to burst a blood vessel, but he does nothing.]
Phew! You stink, new kid! You smell like a fart!
Yeah, we're gonna call you Fart-boy from now on.
[Damien walks away from them.]
PPip
Good day, how are you, Damien?
DDamien
Those guys farted on me, and then called me...
PPip
Fart-boy? Oh, good! Perhaps they won't call me that anymore.
[with a bouquet of flowers] I can't. I have to wait for Rebecca to show up.
Oh, brother! [shows his displeasure to the others]
Don't you "Oh, brother" me! She's the woman of my dreams!
Stan You suck now, Kyle! [walks away with the other boys]
Principal Victoria [on stage] Boys and girls, can I have your attention, please? This year we have a very special guest performing the South Park Elementary Bay Of Pigs Memorial Dance. He was a musical force in the '70's and '80's. Please welcome Ronnie James Dio! [walks off as the curtains part. Dio appears with his band. The kids look back and say nothing]
DDio
Are you ready to rock, boys and girls?! [silence] I said, are you ready to rock?!
Butters Uh, uuh, sure uh, I guess.
DDio
Then let's hit it! [the band begins to play] I know you all remember this one. It's off my first solo album. The song that you all helped me make number 1. Holy Diver, you've been down too long in the midnight sea. Oh, what's-
["-becoming of me?"] Hey, there he is! There's the home-schooled kid! [Mark enters and stands next to Kyle] Come on! Let's go duct-tape him to the flagpole! ["Ride the tiger."]
Hey, isn't that the home-schooled kid's sister? ["You can see his stripes but you know he's clean."]
RRebecca
[dressed as a slut] Hi, guys. ["Oh, don't you see what I mean?" She walks up to Butters, kisses him, and walks away]
Woo-oh Holy Cow! [Kyle and Mark are quite surprised. "Gotta get away."]
RRebecca
[walks over to Tolkien] He-ey, baby. Come s-see me later, 'kay? [grabs his ass and walks off]
What the-? Damn, baby. [rubs his ass. Red looks angrily at Rebecca. Kyle is shocked, and Mark has left]
RRebecca
[walks over to Kyle] Hey, Kyle. Wanna go make out?
MMark
[returns] Rebecca, what the devil are you doing? [Pip walks by]
RRebecca
I'm... having... fun, Mark. [reels Pip back and kisses him]
PPip
Oh, my goodness! [hurries off]
MMark
You're out of control. [turns to Kyle] You did this to my sister!
Uh. All I did was show her how to-
MMark
You made my sister into a slut! I'll kill you! [leaps at him and slaps him around. The kids gather around to watch the fight, and Dio plays on. Mark throws Kyle into the air]
[landing on his back] Aaaah!
MMark
[pounces on again] You bitch! I'm gonna whip your bitch ass! [slaps him around some more]
Craig Oh my God!
Dude, he's kicking the crap out of Kyle!
Yeah. He's a badass! [smiles]
[entering] Alright, alright, that's enough, boys. [takes Kyle with him]
MMark
...I'm not through with you, bitch! [Stan walks up]
Hey, you're pretty cool, Mark. [Butters walks up]
Yeah, tha-that was real badass how you stood up for your sister. Uh-uh-I'd have kicked Kyle's bitch ass, too.
Do you wanna go have some cake with me, Mark? [Craig walks up]
[grabbing Mark's right hand] No! He's my friend!
[grabbing Mark's left hand] Eh, he said he'd hang out with me!
South Park · 1,569 quotes
