South Park Season 12 quotes

[irritated by Randy recording with his camera] Randy, I swear to God, if you don't put that thing away!

Sharon, you're going to be really glad I have all this footage of the family someday.

I mean it, Randy! That's enough!

What did that?! WHAT IS THAT THING?!?!

Mr. Marsh, you have to move! It isn't safe to be here!

[turning on the camera; frightfully] I've got the video camera. Got it turned on again. Okay. This is Randy Marsh. I'm shooting this video of myself. 20 minutes ago, some huge creatures attacked our town. There's still chaos out the window. [pans the camera to the window where all the people are screaming and running] I barely made it back to the house. Sharon is here with me, and there's Shelley. Wave to the camera, Shelley.

Randy, will you put down that camera? We need to figure out what to do!

I don't know what to do. I'm so startled.

[filming] Here's Sharon and Shelley on the roof of Best Buy. We… We ran up here to get off the streets. We found the Stotch family hiding up here also. [pans the camera to the Stotches] There's Chris and Linda, and their son, Butters.

Butters

[waves to the camera] Hello. [chuckles]

What is that? Chris, what is that?

Oh, that's a--that's a new sound.

[points to something up in the sky] Oh, God, look!

Those aren't guinea pigs!

Get off the roof!

[following them as they get off the roof and run down the stairs] Go! Go, go, go, go, go! Oh, God. Going down the stairs now. Okay, getting down the stairs!

And we are now getting word of giant bees. The giant bees have been seen in the U.S. and Europe.

Get away! There's bees everywhere! There's another one right there!

[pans the camera to a giant guinea bee] OH, MY GOD!!!

[on the ground, with a stinger stabbed in his chest] It stung me! IT STUNG ME!

Look, I think we need to find a way out under the city.

In the sewers? It can't be safe down there!

Oh, God. What are gonna do?

Something's inside the store!

Guinea rabbits! They're inside!

THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!

[screaming in horror] TRAVIS! NO!

(It's too late!) You can't help him!

It's been three days now since the guinea pigs and the guinea bees attacked. Guinea rabbits are still everywhere, along with a few guinea panthers. We've taken shelter at the Outback Steakhouse. There's Sharon and Shelley. Say hey, guys.

What do you think about the Guinea-saurus Rex, Shelley? Oh, that's good. There's Shelley with the Guinea-saurus Rex in the background. Give… give a little peace sign, Shelly. Oh, I know, hold out your palm so it looks like you're holding the Guinea-saurus Rex. Shelley?

[finally having enough; furiously] RANDY! I HAVE HAD IT! YOU ARE PUTTING DOWN THAT GODDAMN CAMERA!

Sharon, you're gonna be really glad we have all this footage of the family, someday.

Damn you, Craig! You just don't ever stop, do you?!

I didn't say anything.

You see, for thousands of years, horrid creatures have lived in the guinea valley of Peru. The Incas learned how to keep the creatures at bay, by playing pan flute music. Guinea creatures hate it even more than humans do. But the prophecy foretold that one day, the creatures would be unleashed and I have made that happen! The Incas predicted the world would be saved… by Craig. But that part of the prophecy will not come true! For you will all die on this mountain!

That's it, I'm gonna slap you!

No, please!

[Slaps his wife, singing] I slap you! I slap you! I slap, slap, slap you! I'm slapping you, slapping you silly, 'cause you disrespected me!

Oh, I'm going slap happy! [Outside of the Gueermo Residence, where we see Mr. Gueermo slapping Child Protective Services agents, singing] I'm going slap, slap-happy! Slappity slappin' you, teachin' you a lesson for coming in my house! [The agents drove away from the house and Gueermo noticed his neighbor next door] What are you looking at, Robertson? [in a flash he slaps Robertson three times, and just as quickly he's back inside his house and closes the front door]

Butters

[panicking as he enters the house] Mom! Mom, I gotta tell you something! You're not gonna believe it!

[knitting] Not now, Butters. Your father wants to have a talk with you in the kitchen. He is not happy.

Butters

Oh, no. What I'd do this time?

You just march on in there.

Butters

Oh, jeez. [marches into the kitchen and enters]

You see this, Butters? It's a glass of milk that I poured for myself. And you see this? It's Hamburger Helper. Now would you mind telling me what Hamburger Helper is doing in this glass of milk?! Why is Hamburger Helper in a glass of milk, Butters?!

Butters

[nervously] I have no idea, sir.

I'll tell you why! [opens the pantry] Our pantry is always kept organized alphabetically. But somebody put the Hamburger Helper where the Nestle Quik is supposed to go!

Butters

I'm sorry, Dad. It's just I've been really preoccupied lately.

Butters

[walks up to the pantry to start reorganizing the food after Stephen leaves the kitchen] Jeez. Nobody will even listen to me. It's like nobody even cares that there's vampires at the school. I tried to help and all I ever do is get hollered at.

Butters

Oh, creatures of the night I seek audience to engage with thee in unholy darkness and thus do... and thus do unto your bidding!

What?

Butters

Oh... er... I wanna be a vampire.

So lame. So lame.

You guys, I do not wanna be grouped in with douchey, little vampire kids.

Well... at least no one can refer to us as vampire kids now.

It went this way.

Yeah, it's over there by that fat girl, the big nosed kid, the midget and the kid with pock marks on his face.

So we're back to that, are we?

Shoot.

Let's get outta these freaking Gap clothes.