GMr Garrsion
OH, GOD-DAMMIT! You'd better be kidding!
S5 E11The Entity
5Agent 5
Sir, many people work for the airlines. We can't let them all be fired.
THE AIRLINE COMPANIES ARE LOSING MONEY BECAUSE OF THEIR OWN INCOMPETENCE AND THEIR OWN INEFFICIENCY!!
6Agent 6
That may be true. But if you build, sell, or ride another IT, "it" will be the last time. Have a nice night.
HWAAAAHHH! Airline motherfuckerrrs! You pieces of shiiit! Cocksucking sons of bitch airlines!
S5 E12Here Comes the Neighborhood
WSWill Smith Jr
...and these are Puff Daddy's kids: P-Diddy Mini, P-Poofy Bite-Size, and Puffa-Diddy Diddy Puff Fun-Size.
(singing) Why can't I be like all the other kids?
They all have three-bedroom homes, broken trucks on their lawns
And cut-up hot dogs for lunch
It's not my fault my parents succeed so much
There's no one in town I can relate to
I play with autographed baseball bats
While everyone else just plays with sticks and pine cones
Has a boy ever felt so alone?
Well, who needs them, anyway? I won't pretend to be something I'm not
If I can't be poor, I've got to deal with what I've got
If I can't be like them, what I need is more rich kids around
So I'm not the only one, and then I won't be so… down
Please, God, send more rich kids…
To my… town.
I don't fit in anywhere.
Well, yeah, but at least I got rid of those damn ni- [episode ends]
S5 E13Kenny Dies
[on the phone] Oh, please! Okay, you tell me where you can get aborted fetuses for 70 cents on the dollar. You tell me, Chuck... Yeah, I didn't think so. You know, I'm just like the fetuses,
CChuck
I wasn't born yesterday either!
[South Park Elementary, next day. The kids are filling their seats. Stan and Kyle enter the classroom]
Dude, it looks like Cartman and Kenny are ditching school again.
[he and Stan take their seats] Yeah, they're gonna get busted again.
[enters carrying a few books] Alright, class, let's take our seats. [seats the book down on her desk and turns to the class] Now, uh, before we get started, Stan and Kyle? Uh, the principal needs to see you in her office.
The principal? Aw, come on!
We don't know where Cartman is, Ms. Choksondik!
She needs to see you now. [points to the door. Stan and Kyle leave their seats, Kyle leading Stan]
Aw man, here we go again! Use the Jew as a scapegoat.
[Principal Victoria's office, moments later. Stan and Kyle are expecting the usual lecture, but are surprised to see their parents on either side of Principal Victoria and Mr. Mackey]
Hello, boys.
Wait. What's going on here? [he and Kyle back up a bit. Their parents join them]
Alright, we don't know for sure why Cartman is ditching school, but it has something to do with abortion. That's all we know.
[Chef has joined the principal and Mr. Mackey] You didn't do anything wrong boys. We just need to talk to you. Have a seat. [the boys each take a chair and sit down] Boys, uh... your little friend Kenny went to the hospital last night, m'kay. [the boys look stunned] And well, he's pretty sick. [Sharon leans on Randy]
Kenny's sick?
Well, how sick?
CChef
Children, Kenny has been diagnosed with a... terminal disease.
[after a pause] ...But... the doctors are gonna make him better, right?
Oh dear. [buries her face in Randy's shoulder]
Mom, that's what hospitals are for. They, they can make him better.
Randy...
They don't think so, Stanley. Your friend is terminally ill, and that means.. Well son,... th- that means he's going to be going to heaven soon.
Wait. Kenny's going to die?
He might, Kyle.
[tearing up] ...But... he's out... fu... fufu- friend.
We know, and that's why he's going to need you boys to be strong for him, m'kay? He needs you now more than ever.
No! This can't happen! Kenny can't die! Kenny can't die!! [buries his face in Randy's arm and begins sobbing]
I'm telling you, if you let this deal pass you by, you're making a fetal mistake. [laughs]
Why would God let Kenny die, Chef? Why? Kenny's my f-f-friend. Why can't God take someone Else's f-f-friend?
CChef
There, there, Stan, sometimes God take those closest to us, because it makes him feel better about Himself. He's a very vengeful God, Stan. He's all pissed off about something we did thousands of years ago - he just can't get over it. So he doesn't care who he takes: children, puppies, it don't matter to him, so long as it makes us sad. Do you understand?
Then why does God give us anything to start with?
CChef
Well, look at it this way: if you want to make a baby cry, first, you give it a lollipop. Then, you take it away. If you never give it a lollipop to begin with, then you would have nothing to cry about. That's like God, who gives us life and love and health, just so that he can tear it all away and make us cry, so he can drink the sweet milk of our tears. You see, it's our tears, Stan, that give God his great power.
I think I understand.
[Kenny has just died]
Did he say anything before he went?
He just said, "Where's Stan?"
And so, we will all miss you, Kenny, your playful laughter, your innocent smile.
S5 E14Butters' Very Own Episode
SSingers
Who's the boy who loves VMCS? That stands for Very Merry Christmas Songs. Who's the kid with the voices in his head? Everyone knows it's Butters!
That's me!
SSingers
Who's the boy who does stupid things? Who thinks All Dogs Go To Heaven is the best? Who's that goof who always gets into trouble? Everyone hates Butters!
Everybody hates me.
SSingers
Making toddlers cry, wasting his own time, petting a horse in the stables, named Stella Dallas.
I love you.
SSingers
Who's the little twerp with the ugly little dimples? Being unpopular to everybody? If we just ground him forever, we all might be jolly. Ground a little boy named Butters!
Aw, dang it!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.