Ms. Choksondik quotes from South Park

Are you wearing a condom?

Oh, well. Fuck it.

Sex is emotional and spiritual. It needs to be taught by family. I know it can be hard, parents, but if you leave it up to the schools to teach sex to kids, you don't know who they're learning it from. It could be from someone who doesn't know, [pan to a shot of Mr. Mackey] someone who has a bad opinion of it, [pan to Ms. Choksondik, who nods shamefully] or even a complete pervert! [pan to a shot of Mr. Garrison]

[offended] Wha-?! Why did you pan to me just now? What the hell is that supposed to mean?!

He's right. I never knew how special and personal sex was un... until just recently. [She and Mr. Mackey look lovingly at eachother.]

Now, Kyle(2), I need you to be quiet. In my class, you need to be able to concentrate. Concentration is the key to succeed in my class.

Cartman

Maybe we should send him to a concentration camp. Ah! Dammit, dammit, dammit!

Kyle

Cartman!

Stan

Dude, it looks like Cartman and Kenny are ditching school again.

Kyle

[he and Stan take their seats] Yeah, they're gonna get busted again.

[enters carrying a few books] Alright, class, let's take our seats. [seats the book down on her desk and turns to the class] Now, uh, before we get started, Stan and Kyle? Uh, the principal needs to see you in her office.

Stan

The principal? Aw, come on!

Kyle

We don't know where Cartman is, Ms. Choksondik!

She needs to see you now. [points to the door. Stan and Kyle leave their seats, Kyle leading Stan]

Kyle

Aw man, here we go again! Use the Jew as a scapegoat.

Hello, boys.

Stan

Wait. What's going on here? [he and Kyle back up a bit. Their parents join them]

Kyle

Alright, we don't know for sure why Cartman is ditching school, but it has something to do with abortion. That's all we know.

[Chef has joined the principal and Mr. Mackey] You didn't do anything wrong boys. We just need to talk to you. Have a seat. [the boys each take a chair and sit down] Boys, uh... your little friend Kenny went to the hospital last night, m'kay. [the boys look stunned] And well, he's pretty sick. [Sharon leans on Randy]

Kyle

Kenny's sick?

Stan

Well, how sick?

Children, Kenny has been diagnosed with a... terminal disease.

Stan

[after a pause] ...But... the doctors are gonna make him better, right?

Oh dear. [buries her face in Randy's shoulder]

Stan

Mom, that's what hospitals are for. They, they can make him better.

Randy...

They don't think so, Stanley. Your friend is terminally ill, and that means.. Well son,... th- that means he's going to be going to heaven soon.

Kyle

Wait. Kenny's going to die?

He might, Kyle.

Stan

[tearing up] ...But... he's out... fu... fufu- friend.

We know, and that's why he's going to need you boys to be strong for him, m'kay? He needs you now more than ever.

Stan

No! This can't happen! Kenny can't die! Kenny can't die!! [buries his face in Randy's arm and begins sobbing]