We don't want you in our town, Simpson! We don't love you as we did in 1993!
[cut to Homer Simpson from The Simpsons]
D'oh!
And as for you, O.J., we don't want you here either!
S7The Juice Is Loose
S7FOX-y Lady
[Lois and Brian are touring the FOX News station, and Brian notices a large red button]
FEFOX Employee
That one's kind of fun. It emits a sound that only Al Gore can hear. [presses the button, cut to Al Gore painting a portrait of fruit]
AGAl Gore
There it is again!
TGTipper Gore
It's probably just wind, Honey.
AGAl Gore
It's not the wind!
Wow. Fred Savage is the greatest actor in the history of the world!
SSavage
That's all I ever wanted people to know.
Well, if you let us run this story, I promise you they will.
SSavage
You've got a deal!
SStern
[as the voice-over from "The Wonder Years"] Well, it finally happened. I had finally gotten the recognition I deserved.
SSavage
[angrily] I don't need you anymore!
SStern
Well, Christ, Fred. You don't have to be a dick about it.
S7Not All Dogs Go to Heaven
[Stewie is standing beside the transporter controls with the entire cast of Star Trek: The Next Generation in the transporter pad]
This... was exhausting. This whole experience was absolutely exhasuting. You people have ruined Star Trek: The Next Generation for me. You are absolutely the most insufferable group of jackasses l have ever had the misfortune of spending an extended period of time with. I hope you all fucking die.
Patrick Stewart: l still have five tickets to the carnival.
There was nothing for five tickets! We've been over this!
PSPatrick Stewart
Well, then LeVar and l were going to pool hours for the Fuzzy Troll pencil topper.
Oh, yeah? You're gonna share that?
LeVar Burton: Yeah, we were gonna share it.
Really? How's that gonna work?
PSPatrick Stewart
Three days at my house, three days at LeVar's, and alternating Sundays.
For a pencil topper?!
MDMichael Dorn
l have to pee again.
That's it. Goodbye. [pulls a lever on the control panel. The entire cast were teleported, but LeVar's drink doesn't and causes a stain on the floor] Fuck!!
S7420
TDTom and Diane
(both stoned) Here's Ollie Williams with the Blaccu-weather forecast.
How's the weather look, Ollie?
(cut to a stoned Ollie at a field)
(calmly) Not too bad.
(cut back to Tom and Diane)
Right on.
S7Stew-Roids
[to Connie DiMico] Alright, let's do it. When we're done with him, he'll be more of an outcast than a seagull at an Adam Sandler movie.
[cut to a movie theater]
ASAdam Sandler
This is my old bicycle that I had from when I was ten...
SSeagull
[laughs]
ASAdam Sandler
Sometimes the banana seat hurts my heinie.
SSeagull
[laughs]
CMCrowd Member
Hey! Will you shut up?
SSeagull
No, you shut up, man! It's a comedy!
ASAdam Sandler
When I ring the bell, it makes my pants feel funny. Ring! Ring! Ring!
SSeagull
[laughs]
CDConnie DiMico
Oh, my God, I can smell him from here. [turns to Gina] He's perfect.
GGina
God, you're right. He smells like Fred Flintstone's ass!
[cut to Fred Flintstone, looking mad]
FFFred Flintstone
Hey! No one's asking you to smell it.
[Chris has lost his popularity after an embarrassing video of himself was released]
Well, Chris, you must feel ridiculous.
I do, Dad. And, Meg, I'm really sorry I was such a douche.
Well, there is a way you can make it up to me.
How?
Tell me what it was like, being one of them.
It was like basking in the warm glow of a higher intelligence as it envelops you and allows you to become part of its everlasting glory.
I flew today.
S7We Love You Conrad
You know somethin', Brian? I bet you'll make the late-night monologues.
[cut to Late Night with Jimmy Fallon]
FFallon
I mean, it's a little weird, isn't it? This new Lauren Conrad relationship? When asked about their sex life, Brian was quoted as saying: "Oh, yeah. We just do it my style".
[laughter; cut to The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson]
FFerguson
Have you seen the news about Lauren Conrad and Brian Griffin? You know, a lot of these young Hollywood girls carry their little dogs around in their purses. But Lauren carries one... in her pants.
[laughter; cut to The Tonight Show with Jay Leno]
LLeno
Yeah, so Lauren Conrad and Brian Griffin are now a couple. She gave that dog a bone, and... he gave it right back!
[laughter]
Lauren just finished a fascinating doctoral thesis on sub-orbital propulsion mechanisms that NASA is using for the next generation of space shuttles.
CMChris and Meg
Oooohhhhhh... Aaaaahhhh!
So, Lauren, um, whenever I'm watchin' your show...you give me wood. Where do we go from here?
S7Three Kings
The Shawshank Redemption
[Red (Cleveland) is reading Andy's (Peter's) letter.]
ASAndy's voice
Dear Red, if you've come this far, maybe you're willing to go a little further. You remember the name of the town in Mexico, right?
[Red pauses]
RRed
FUCK!
Stand by Me
RDRichard Dreyfuss
[narrating] It was the meanest guy in town, Ace, and his whole gang: Beast-Man, Mer-Man, and for some reason, Norm from Cheers.
NNorm
Hey, gang. What, are we beating somebody up?
AAce
[pulls out his switchblade] Now get lost. We'll take it from here.
S7Peter's Progress
[As King Stewart enters the church]
C1Citizen 1
[gasps] The king!
C2Citizen 2
The king is here!
FCFemale Citizen
I didn't vote for him!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Family Guy pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.