Well, it's your 18th birthday, Meg. That's a very important milestone in a young girl's - I mean, a young woman's life. Hey, welcome to the adult club, huh? And you know what? You got another member right next door if you ever wanna talk and stuff. Happy birthday. [pats Meg's left leg. His little finger wiggles] Hey...hey, where's that pinkie goin', huh? Where's he goin'? What-what's he doin'? Get back here! There you go. [Meg smiles then looks at Quagmire]
Meg, I'm only gonna say this once! You may be an adult, but you're still my daughter, and it's my job to protect you from errant wieners! So I don't care how old you are, you're gonna do what I say and GET IN THE DAMN CAR!
[offscreen] Coming! [He sneaks to the top of the stairs. He takes a piece of sandpaper from his pocket and sands the soles of his shoes. He then attempts to extremely slowly descend down the stairs, but slips on the first step while screaming and grunting] FUCK! FUCK! GODDAMN IT! FUCKIN' COCKSUCKIN' COCK! FUCK! DAMN IT!
Peter who hasn't answered because something has gone terribly wrong? [shows the walkie-talkie on the floor] Peter? Peter, are you there? [zooms out to reveal Peter lying dead with his throat slit as blood pools around him]
There you go... [Peter gets naked and Billy starts laughing] ...look at that? What is th - WOAH! Solar eclipse blocking the sun, do not look directly at it! [laughs again]
Good evening, Quahog. Grim details continue to roll in at this hour in the story of the detached airplane advertising banner, which caused a school bus to plummet into the Pawtuxet River.
That's right, Joyce, Quahog's own Goldman's Pharmacy made headlines across the country after a banner of their's caused the bus to drive off a bridge, tragically killing all the teenagers onboard. Many of the students tweeted about the accident as it was happening; we have a few here. From @jenny94: "Water seriously cold, yo!" Here's @theted69: "I'm gonna survive this, lol, jk." JK indeed.
Oh, please, Brian. You're just two people living in the same house. If you didn't, you'd never hang out with each other in a million years. He owns you. You're his property.
"Dearest Augustine, I do hope this latest damp has not aggravated your grey lung." [*dips his quill] Dip-dip-dip-dip-dip. "Matters stateside have taken a tragic turn as this year's gourd crop has fallen prey to a rather unexpected infestation of salt marsh cutworms." Dip-dip-dip-dip-dip.
