TV show quotes
[singing] Good morning, USA.. Buh-duh-buh-duh Stan's the dad and the alien's gay! And then there’s a fish and a boy and a girl-
[as coming out of the shower] Hey! Shut up Meg!
Oh. So it's just going to be the same?
Yep.
Yeah.
Now, the bride and groom would like to share a moment of silence to honor the family members who have passed. They may not be with us in person but they are with us in spirit.
[Everyone shares a moment of silence]
Poo-poo!
No! We do not touch poo-poo in this family! We do not touch poo-poo! No! Hands up! That's it. Now there are no bubbles later.
Yes! Bubbles!
No bubbles. You lost the bubbles.
Yes! Bubbles!
Maybe you can earn them back but as far as I'm concerned, you lost the bubbles. They're gone. They're probably gone.
Wish me luck, Flat Stanley. (leaves in Stewie's time machine)
Or you could just call me "Stanley". Not make fun of my body.
Nothing like drive-time radio to remind me that I don't make enough to afford satellite radio.
Hey! You're listening to WQHG 971 and we're Devin and Lawrence formerly known as Weenie and the Butt.
That's Devin. Those nicknames no longer fly ever since several women came forth with allegations of sexual misconduct against each of us.
[trapped inside the kitchen] Is there food on the floor? I can clean it up!
No!
[observes the party from the kitchen] Joe dropped a cracker! Joe dropped a cracker!
[Meg calls her family and they don't believe it's her]
Okay, Meg. If this is you, what's your birthday?
March 23rd.
I have no idea if that's correct. Good day, sir.
[Joe is at the Griffins' door]
Hey, buddy. What brings you around at this late hour with your uniform on and your hat held mournfully against your chest?
Peter, Lois, it pains me above the waist to tell you that Meg is dead.
What?!
What are you talking about? Meg's right here.
[wind blows the wig off the barrel the family thought was Meg]
You know, it's weird that didn't happen on the pier all day.
Or when we rented that convertible.
[to Joe] How did this happen?!
She got in a car wreck, and was burned beyond recognition, and I leveled up on Fortnite this weekend, but you probably only care about the first two things.
Oh, dear God, no!
All we found was Meg's driver's license at the scene. It had her Quiznos punch card stuck to the back. Your little angel was one stamp away from a free sub, which only adds to this horrific tragedy. It's actually pretty impressive, because the card was only issued three days ago. Usually one of the guys would swipe a thing like this, use it on the way home, but I snagged it for ya. Thought Meg's family ought to be the ones to enjoy the free sandwich. Again, I'm very sorry.
you're watching CBS. The loudest channel on tv.
[The loudest channel Starts blowing the Griffins away.] PREVIOUSLY ON NCIS...
Ah, son of a bitch!
Actor: SO, WHAT KIND OF NAVY CRIME DO WE HAVE TODAY?
[with a bloody ear] DAD, IT HURTS!
Actress: I'LL SHOW YOU. FOLLOW ME TO OUR WINDOWLESS HIGH TECH ROOM.
I love you Peter!
Actor 2: DRIVE THE VAN FASTER!!! HE'S HEADING TOWARDS THE PORT OF WASHINGTON, D.C, WHERE OUR NAVY IS HELD!!!
[Now with a bloody nose] I'm Browning out. See you on the other side!
[the Griffins, sans Brian, are on vacation during a hurricane]
Where's Brian?
Oh my God. When we evacuated, I think we forgot him.
It's okay, Lois. I left him chained up in the gully in the backyard.
[cutaway to Brian nearly drowning in the backyard back at home]
Guys?...Guys?!
[Chris misreads the morning announcements and Principal Shepherd corrects him]
God.
Good.
Movement.
Morning.
Anglebird.
Everyone.
The stagnant cancer muting.
The student council meeting.
Stewie, how can you afford an entire opera in your room?
Oh boy. Brian's upset because someone has something he hasn't. Do you know what I'm getting for your birthday? The ability to be happy for other people.
Hey, look. A pair of working legs. Dibs on these!
What? Aw, come on, Quagmire!
Joe, I said "dibs".
No, no. You're right. You said "dibs".
[crossly] I hate this. When do I get my cookie? I want my cookie so I can go home.
Now please join me in silent prayer and as we settle into the silence, I remind you that in honor of Lent, today's coffee service will not include chewy Chips Ahoy.
[furiously, censored] FUCK!
[Everyone gasps in shock]
Hey, Stewie said his first word, and it was a swear!
Well, this is unacceptable! We have to leave right now and go straight to breakfast! Unbelievable! [Walks out of the church and enters the car] Let's go!
It's time I got back out there again. I've had one beer my whole life! That's not normal!
Nothing about you is normal.
I mean, I've already wasted a whole year of my life with him!
There's only been a year of your life.
You know, all of your responses have been very similar, so you might want to nip that in the bud.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Family Guy pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
