Principal Shepherd quotes from Family Guy ... TV Quotes Database

Played by Gary Cole

Family Guy · 775 quotes

In 6 of the 775 quotes from Family Guy
Most scenes with: Lois Griffin (2), Meg Griffin (2)

Scenes with Principal Shepherd 6

CConnie

Hey, everybody! Mr. Lazenby's getting arrested!

[all the students in Meg's classroom exit and watch as the police arrest Lazenby]

Principal Shepherd

Now, what in God's name…? [opens door] Mr. Lazenby, what the hell's going on here?!

LLazenby

Apparently, there's some law against teaching the evolutionary theory that Gil Gerard used a time machine, went back, and ejaculated into the primordial ooze.

Principal Shepherd

This stupid country.

S3 The Kiss Seen Around the World

View quote →

[Lois is in the mayoral debate, the crowd is asking her questions]

Principal Shepherd

Mrs. Griffin, what do you plan to do about crime in our city?

Lois

A lot.

[crowd claps]

Lois

...because that's what Jesus wants.

[crowd claps]

Lois

9/11 was bad.

[crowd claps and cheers]

Lois

[to herself] God, I can't believe how easy this is.

HDr. Hartman

Mrs. Griffin, what are your plans for cleaning up our environment?

Lois

9/11.

[crowd claps and cheers]

AAngela

Mrs. Griffin, what about our traffic problem?

Lois

Nine...

CCrowd

[confused] Hmm?

Lois

Eleven.

[crowd gives standing ovation]

S5 It Takes a Village Idiot, and I Married One

View quote →

Principal Shepherd

Good morning, children. It's that time of the year again to fulfill your community service requirements by signing up for volunteer work.

Meg

Do we get to choose our jobs?

Principal Shepherd

No, no no no. The jobs will be assigned randomly, but the cooler and prettier students have the better jobs. For instance, the blond chick in the third row will wash my car this afternoon. While Little Miss Frumpkin with all the questions will work in the old folks' home.

Meg

Is Frumpkin good?

Principal Shepherd

[chuckles] NO. No.

S14 The Heartbreak Dog

View quote →

Principal Shepherd

Parents of a failing student, say what?

Peter

What?

Lois

No, Peter, wait!

Principal Shepherd

Nope. Too late. He said it. I'm marking it. [Principal Shepherd goes to a chalkboard, where he gives himself a tally mark] Didn't get The Wus. They're very smart. Asian. Maybe they didn't understand me. I don't know.

S17 Stand by Meg

View quote →

[Chris misreads the morning announcements and Principal Shepherd corrects him]

Chris

God.

Principal Shepherd

Good.

Chris

Movement.

Principal Shepherd

Morning.

Chris

Anglebird.

Principal Shepherd

Everyone.

Chris

The stagnant cancer muting.

Principal Shepherd

The student council meeting.

S18 Movin' In (Principal Shephard's Song)

View quote →

Principal Shepherd

Everyone, I wanna thank you all for helping us decorate for the fall dance.

Meg

What's the name of this dance anyway?

Principal Shepherd

[annoyed laugh] I've been doing this a long time, Meg. The next thing out of my mouth. The theme is climate change. Dance like it's the end of the world. We're going to -

Meg

But how do we even decorate for that?

Principal Shepherd

[exasperated sigh] We're gonna pump the heat up to 92 and fill the gym up with 6 inches of water and then, you know, balloons, streamers, all that crap. So, thanks again and if anyone needs anything, just think. I'm hanging balloons. How could I possibly have a question?

Meg

What do we even - ?

Principal Shepherd

[extremely angry] MEG! [takes a deep breath] [calmly] Thanks guys.

S19 Meg's Wedding

View quote →