I can't bear this any longer, I'm leaving.
Yeah, but not before me you ain't. [He storms out]
Ned FlandersNow now, there's plenty exits for everyone!
Oh, that's it, you're dead, pal! [Puts Flanders into a headlock]
Hey now, that's uncalled for.
[Lenny punches Principal Skinner in the stomach, knocking him into the aisle stairway. He collides with Barney's beer tray, spilling it. Barney, enraged, runs headfirst into the increasingly large number of people fighting on the stairs, knocking and bowling them over. Meanwhile, a group of Scottish men watching the game stare bored at nothing in particular].
Ach! They call this a soccer riot? Come on, boys, let's take 'em to school!
[The men, rolling up their sleeves, start to pound anyone who comes near them. It's not long before the entire stadium is embroiled in a violent riot, from people getting tackled to Groundskeeper Willie's soccer hooligan friends hitting people with pipes to two East Asian guys in karate robes kicking each other in the face to Nelson sitting on Milhouse and pulling his leg back as Milhouse screams and cries. The Simpsons stand next to their seats.]
Homer, we've got to get out of here!
Ooh, but I want to do some rioting. [pushes one of the Scotsmen]
SScotsman
[turns to face Homer, screaming] JOBBERS COBKNOTS, YA MUCKER!! [pulls out a crowbar]
Flanders
Well, I gotta say, Lisa, it sounds like you're straining to do some explaining.
Yeah, everyone's heard of angels, but who's ever heard of a "Neanderthal"?
It could be anything, it could be a mutant from the nuclear plant.
Oh, fiddle faddle, everyone knows our mutants have flippers. Oops, I've said too much. Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
You mean the revolver, sir?
Precisely. Be sure to wipe your own memory clear when you're finished.
Ned
Goshdarn it! Am I that pre-diddly-ictable? [sighs] I've wasted my whole dang-diddly life!
[a car stops besides Ned with Abe, Jasper and three attractive women]
Ned
Look at that! Everyone's living it up except Ned. [car pulls away out of earshot]
Help! We're being carjacked!
WWoman
Don't get clever, old man. [cocks a revolver] Now take us to Dress Barn.
So you were going to kill us!
Ned Flanders
[Chuckles] Yeah.
[Everyone enjoys a hearty laugh. The clouds part, to reveal the moon. Flanders immediately transforms into were-Flanders and growls at Homer]
I want the news, not the weather.
[He turns to Marge to brag about his zing. She isn't there. Marge and the kids are running away, several hundred yards down the road]
WFWerewolf Flanders
Diddily!
[At camera focuses on the moon, Flanders chased Homer, Flanders attacks Homer. There's a pause in the carnage]
Eyes bigger than your stomach, eh, Wolfie?
[He speaks too soon, as Flanders resumes eating Homer, screaming, at the end of the first segment]
Okay, don't panic. Remember what the instructor said.
SISki Instructor
[In Homer's thoughts] If you ever get into trouble, all you need to do is--
Flanders
[Cutting in] Feels like I'm wearing nothin' at all!
["Nothin' at all!" echoes several times.]
Aah! Stupid sexy Flanders..! [his leg bone cracks] Ow, my leg! This is the worst pain ever! [gets repeatedly hit in the crotch by snow mounds]
I'm sure your wife is dating a lot of people in heaven!
Ned
Are you sure?
Positive! There's a lot of hot people up there. There's John Wayne, Tupac Shakur, Sherlock Holmes--
Ned
Ah, now Sherlock Holmes is a character.
Oh, he sure was! [does a sexy growl]
[As she walks into the kitchen] I don't remember the air in the kitchen being so wavey. [She sniffs the air.] Good lord, that's gas! [Marge finds a taped hosepipe leading into the garden]
Behold! I am king Tocki Ticki! [The Hawaiian statue breathed fire as Bart and Lisa scream] Hey Flanders! Can your god do that?
Ned
Actually Homer, you and I worship the same god, so-
Irregardless! I am your god now! [Flanders walks away as Homer burns his hedge] Ha, ha, ha!
Homie, you can't just reroute the gas line. Do you know how dangerous that is?
[shaking the statue] Do not anger Tocki Ticki! [dropping the statue which catches on fire] I am all power- Aargh! [Worried] I'll be at Moe's! [climbs over the fence]
The Simpsons · 3,477 quotes
