Well, Smelly, here you are. Your new home. Oh, Smelly, this is going to be great. We'll be one big happy family. Let me show you around. Here's your bed, Smelly. [muffled whimpering from Smelly, who is actually Squidward covering himself with cement dirt by accident] Here's your food bowl.
And some kibble. [pours in some food]
You can live here forever and ever! [Squidward cries] Oh, look, Pat! He's crying tears of joy! Well, Smelly, there's one more family member you haven't met. [retrieves Gary] Smelly, meet Gary. [Gary sticks to Squidward] Aww, look at that Smelly, Gary likes you. [Gary screeches like a cat, as he recognized Squidward under the cement, and attacks him violently] Gary, no! [gets Gary off of Squidward] Gary!
[Gary hisses]
I don't think Gary likes Smelly.
Yeah, Gary's never attacked anyone like that, except Squidward.
[Ironically, Smelly is Squidward]
I guess Smelly can't live here.
Ah! He can come home with me.
That's a great idea, Patrick! You always wanted a pet. [Squidward tries to escape through the door but keeps falling down] Isn't that cute? Look how excited he is to get to your house! [opens door] Bye, Smelly, have fun at Patrick's!
[Squidward tries to get into his house but Patrick pulls him away]
No, no, Smelly. Squidward doesn't like pets.
Hi, SpongeBob, whatcha doing?
I have turned poor Squidward into a frozen dessert!
That's awful, how tragic, poor Squidward.
Did you say frozen dessert? [takes the white ice cream cone out of the freezer]
Yeah, I turned him into a tasty soft-serve with a waffle cone. [cries]
Oh, soft serve. [licks ice cream cone]
PATRICK! STOP EATING SQUIDWARD!
Oh, sorry. [licks it a few more times]
Patrick! [Patrick licks it again] Pat...!
[frantically] But he's so tasty!
It is a very special day in Bikini Bottom.
[Screen moves from Bikini Bottom Island to Boating School]
I'm ready! [walking up to Mrs. Puff's Boating School with Patrick] I'm ready! I'm ready! Patrick, did you bring my flashcards?
Right here, buddy. [takes them out of his pocket] Everything you need to pass the test is on these cards. [eats the cards] Mmm.
Hey, learning tastes good.
Oh, fiddlesticks. You've taken that driving test more times than anyone.
Well then, 58 is your lucky number. You're gonna pass that driving test, SpongeBob, because you're a winner.
[cheered up a little] I'm a winner.
I'm a winner! I'm a winner! I'm a winner! [runs into the classroom]
1 minute, 37 seconds later... [SpongeBob walks up crying]
How'd you do, winner? [SpongeBob's crying continues] Let's see that license.
I didn't get a license, Patrick.
Are they gonna mail it to ya?
No, Patrick, I failed the boating test. I guess 58 wasn't my lucky number after all.
No way! 58 is, like, the luckiest number ever! The test must be rigged.
AAnnouncer
Congratulations! You are the one millionth person to pass the test.
Does this mean I win a free keychain?
You get a brand-new boat mobile! The new Bass Blaster 3000. The ultimate boating machine. [Patrick runs up to the new boatmobile as SpongeBob's jaw drops]
Women will want you. [all sigh] Men will want to be you. [all faint] You'll be the envy of your friends. [SpongeBob is growling in fury]
Isn't this great? I got my license, and a new boat!
I'm... so... happy for you... ["La Cucaracha" horn blows in his face] Whoa!
[Patrick is driving with SpongeBob when suddenly the green light turns red] It's a red light, Patrick! [Patrick runs through red lights] Patrick, you just ran three red lights!
[shows his license] I think the driving genius knows what he's doing.
[finally snaps] Driving genius?! Would a genius make an illegal U-turn... through an orphanage?!
They ran for it in time. What are you so mad about?
I should've gotten that license! And this should be MY boat mobile!
How can you say that?! If you were my friend, you'd be happy for me getting my license!
If you were my friend, you wouldn't rub your license in my face!
I'm not rubbing my license in your face! This is rubbing my license in your face! [takes out license and rubs it in SpongeBob's face--literally--which makes muffled noises]
[fixes his face and then takes Patrick's license from his hand] Oh, give me that! I worked my whole life for this! You don't deserve this! [tears up Patrick's license and laughs. The pieces of the license fly into the cop's hands]
OOfficer
Huh, litterbugs. This is why I joined the force. [drives off after SpongeBob and Patrick]
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
It's the police!
OOfficer
[over speaker] Pull it over, litterbug!
Litterbug?! No! [drives faster]
OOfficer
Ooh, I got me a runner. [a bunch of police cars follow him]
Patrick, what do you think you're doing?!
I don't know! I don't have a license anymore! [drives around a car]
Look out! [Patrick drives through a sign, then off a cliff into the front lot of the Bikini Bottom Jail]
[After SpongeBob's 90 day sentence, the scene shows the jail as the door buzzes. SpongeBob is let go out of jail where Patrick is waiting for him at the front gate; the camera cuts back and fourth between the two silently staring at each other smiling for about 10 seconds as an orchestra swells dramatically]
I'm glad you passed the test. I'm glad you have a license. And to prove it, I made you this: Pals 4 Ever. [shows him a license plate that reads "PALS 4 EVER"] Let's put it on your boat mobile, buddy.
Oh, I don't have the boat mobile anymore.
It stopped workin' so I threw it away. The needle was on E, and I figured that must mean "end."
Oh, then... what do we do with this? [Patrick takes it and puts it on his behind]
Ready, pal. [hops on Patrick's shoulders and makes car noises] Woo! Woo!
[Cut to Krusty Krab where SpongeBob enters with medieval clothes on]
Good townspeople, let us rejoice in welcoming our new king.
[enters, wearing his crown and a royal cloak] King needs food badly.
What's this all ab...? [gasps. Sees Patrick's crown and dollar signs appear in his eyes] Well, well, well. What can I do for you, Patrick?
Zip it, SquarePants...I'm talking to the rich guy.
I'll have ten Krabby Patties, a Krabby milkshake, large fries...
Patrick, what's happened to you?
I don't know what you mean.
Uh... [laughs] You know, Mr. Krabs is probably wondering where I am...and...
[intimidated of Patrick's rage] And, um, well...it's just that, um, you're kinda being a jerk.
Huh? [laughs] I thought you were going to say I was abusing my power.
[explodes] Who's saying I'm abusing my power?! [SpongeBob shrinks and Patrick rips off his cloak] I'll put the whole town in prison! [SpongeBob runs away] Questioning my authority is treason! All these giggly speeches are making me thirsty. SpongeBob, I request a drink. SpongeBob? [claps twice] SpongeBob?! Huh. Gee, everybody's gone. I'm all alone. Fine, I'll get it myself! [walks by the mirror, and his reflection looks like a monster]
Huh? [gasps] A knock knock joke! [he runs back to the mirror] Who's there?
PMPatrick and Mirror
I don't get it.
MMirror
I'm you and you are me. [a wire in Patrick's head connects and short circuits]
PMPatrick and Mirror
[screams] What have I become?! [Patrick races out of his rock]
Aaah, help! Monster! Monster! [he bumps into the Royal Ministry starfish] Huh? Oh, it's, it's you! [he thrusts the crown at the starfish] Here, here, take it. I don't want it anymore. It's turned me into a monster.
RMRoyal Ministry Starfish
Oh, I think I know what's going on here. Patrick, with great power comes great responsibility. [Patrick is shaking and whimpering] You haven't a clue what I just told you, do you?
RMRoyal Ministry Starfish
Oh, just as well. I've come to take the crown back, as it seems that you aren't royalty after all.
RMRoyal Ministry Starfish
[takes out family history] I've discovered this coffee stain, which upon removal, reveals that Sir Gary is the true heir to the king's crown. [he removes the stain to show Gary's picture on the family history parchment. Bubble transition to Gary having a crown put on his head, SpongeBob and Patrick dressed in medieval clothes]
Well, would you look at that. Gary, you're royalty!
Bloodthirsty bikers? And they're headed straight for Bikini Bottom! I've got to warn everybody! I better take the shortcut!
[SpongeBob rides on the bubble transition to inside the Krusty Krab.]
SpongeBob! Where in the blue barnacles did you come from?
There's no time for that, Mr. Krabs. Grab something heavy! Bar the door! Board up the windows. We've got to protect the Krusty Krab. The Krabby Patties must survive!
Settle down, son. What are you all riled up about?
Bikers... coming... nasty... ferocious... take... over... town. Destroy... must hide!
What are you going on about? Bikers?
The Wild Ones are coming, Mr. Krabs. They're the most vicious, ravenous horde of hooligans in the sea.
Ravenous did you say? That's another word for hungry, isn't it?
[scene cuts to the laboratory of the Chum Bucket with Kelpshake on a plate where a sample of the drink goes through a tube, into chemistry bottles, and finally into Karen where she begins a D-N-A scan]
What's the secret ingredient, Karen?
Well, it appears that the main ingredient is: Kelp Juice.
PKPlankton & Mr. Krabs
Just kelp juice?
And to think this whole time I could've been selling these meself!
You? What about me? If anyone, I deserve to make a buck of selling this stuff.
[removes the glass container and takes kelp juice] No way, pipsqueak. This gold mine is mine.
Not if I can help it. [jumps at Mr. Krabs, but goes between his eyes and splatters into the wall] Ow.
[cackling] Nice try. [about to take a sip]
I wouldn't do that if I were you; There's another ingredient.
Hey, I paid good money for this thing! Of course I'm gonna drink it. [takes a sip then spits it out] What the...?! I don't get what the big deal is. This tastes like a wet gym sock.
Really? Let me try that. [Plankton sips the drink and puckers his lips] Actually, there is a bit of a pungent aftertaste.
Hmmm. [sips again and puckers his lips] Hey, you're right. This ain't half bad. [takes another sip and laughs] This is amazing.
Well, don't be selfish. [sips and laughs] Oh yeah.
[he sips in the rest of the drink until he sucks in the cup] Krabs, we're all out of juice!
You're making a big mistake!
Ah, phooey! You don't know what you're talking about! [he walks out with Plankton] ♪Kelpshake, Kelpshake. Oh, how I love a Kelpshake.♪
[runs up crying covered in yellowish-green fur] What's happening to me?! [Mr. Krabs and Plankton gasp in shock when they see SpongeBob covered in green kelp and he's naked] They've shut down the Kelpshakes restaurants! [nearly crying as he runs off]
PKPlankton & Mr. Krabs
Huh? [they both see workers sucking out all the liquid which is toxic waste in the Kelpshake restaurant that says "CLOSED FOREVER"]
H1Hazmat #1
It'll take decades to clean this hazardous material up.
H2Hazmat #2
I sure feel sorry for whoever drank this. [Mr. Krabs screams as he is growing yellowish-green kelp fur just like Plankton is, then Plankton screams]
Now what are we going to do?
I don't know about you... [Plankton takes out a mini helicopter propeller] but I'm going back to what I do best. Stealing your recipe! [laughs]
Hey, wait a minute! Plankton!
[flies into Mr. Krabs office where the safe is. He tosses the propeller and laughs] Come to papa. [Mr. Krabs opens the door]
Hold it right there! You're not going anywhere... [opens the safe] without a ten second head start!
[laughing while he runs off as Mr. Krabs begins to chase him while having fun] I love being hated!
Hey, get back here you little booger! [laughs]
Oh, that reminds me. I got you a present.
[pulls out a bear with a microphone in its hand.] It's a Confess-A-Bear. He's a special friend you tell all your secrets to.
I'll just leave you two alone to get acquainted.
[He leaves and walks behind the pineapple to talk through the microphone]
SCSpongeBob/Confess-A-Bear
Hi! My name is Confess-A-Bear! Tell me all your secrets!
Um... I did something recently I'm not very proud of. I didn't mean to do it. It just sort of happened.
SCSpongeBob / Confess-A-Bear
Oh, maybe you should talk about it!
Well, it involves my best friend SpongeBob. I don't think he knows what happened, but it would really upset him if he found out.
SCSpongeBob / Confess-A-Bear
TELL CONFESS-A-BEAR!!!
I've said too much already.
SCSpongeBob / Confess-a-Bear
TELL CONFESS-A-BEAR NOW!!! NOW!!!!!
AAAGH!!!! I ACCIDENTALLY KNOCKED SPONGEBOB'S TOOTHBRUSH IN THE TOILET, AND THEN I PUT IT BACK ON THE COUNTER WITHOUT WASHING IT!!!!! ...Confess-A-Bear?
[Suddenly, SpongeBob appears in the background, running and yelling as he tries to rid his tongue of bacteria]
You're mad at me, aren't you, Confess-A-Bear?
Patrick wouldn't steal Ol' Reliable... Would he? [imagines Patrick from earlier]
I would kill for a net like that! [takes out a carrot, breaks it in half, and laughs maniacally]
Aah! Have I been best friends with a master thief? I must know for sure.
SpongeBob! Oh, thank goodness you're here. There was this scary guy with a mustache asking a lot of weird questions.
Patrick, I'm the scary mustache guy!
Aah! Why, SpongeBob, why?! Why would you wear such a scary mustache?
Why did you steal my jellyfishing net?!
[offended] WHAT?! I'm your best friend!
You were my best friend, you no-good jellyfish net thief!
How could you think that?!
Because you said that! You said that it was "YOUR FRIEND SPONGEBOB'S!!!"
[pauses, takes out the case] ...gift.
It's my friend SpongeBob's GIFT! [opens the case revealing a handmade net] I made you a new net.
"For SpongeBob"? You made me a new jellyfishing net? That is so thoughtful of you! Patrick? What'cha doing, best friend?
I'm not your best friend, I'm a no-good jelly netting thief fish!
I'm leaving Bikini Bottom, while I still have my dignity!
MSMini Squidward
Everybody dance! [continues dancing in the air, and everyone follows. The music stops, SpongeBob spins him into a spotlight, and he takes a bow]
That was awful! [confetti rains down as they all cheer for Mini Squidward and walk away] He stole my jokes, he stole my job, he stole my standing ovation!!! [points to Mini Squidward] YOU LITTLE WOODEN FIEND!! STOP STEALING MY LIFE!!!!!! [repeatedly punches, stomps on, and chomps on Mini Squidward all while SpongeBob is still holding onto him, who falls on the ground]
MJMilo J. Finkerfish
[shows up, stopping Squidward] Stop, stop! Don't gnaw on the head of my new client, please!! You don't know what you're doing! ARE YOU MAD!??!!??! HAVE MERCY!!!!
