BEBlizzard Executive
We can't give the Sword of a Thousand Truths to a noob!
S10 E8Make Love, Not Warcraft
Stan! Stan!
Dad, not now!
Stan, I've been sent here...to give you THIS. [holds up the Sword of 1000 Truths] This sword will completely drain his mana!
How did you get that?!
No time! Just take it! Here!
[long pause]
Um, how do you hand items from one player to another?
Bring up your inventory screen, Ctrl-I!
Okay...
Stan, what the hell are you doing?!
[receives sword] I got it!
[The Rogue kills Randy]
Dad!
[weakly] Staaaan...
[to The Rogue] You killed my father. [strikes him] YAHHH!
His shield and armor spells are down! Attack!
[Kenny shoots the Rouge with an arrow; Kyle brings him down with a fireball; Cartman approaches)
Looks like you're about to get pwned. RAAAHHH! [smashes The Rogue's head in with his hammer]
I don't play World of Warcraft.
Butters, you said you were on your computer all the time.
Yeah, but I'm playing Hello Kitty: Island Adventure.
[long pause]
[sighs] Butters, go buy World of Warcraft, install it on your computer and join the online sensation before we all murder you.
Oh...alright then.
Prepare to charge! Scroll over him with your mouse cursors and...right click!
Gentlemen, this could very well be the end of the World...of Warcraft.
DDeveloper
No... NOOOOO!
I don't have a World of Warcraft account, do you?
MMike
No, I have a life!
[all have died after attempting to outnumber and overpower The Rogue Player, with only Cartman's character left alive] No! Leave me alone! Don't do this! [The Rouge kills him and jumps around the fallen players as if he's taunting them. Cut to an enraged Cartman]
[throws off his headset in fury] GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!
Alright, major stone shield potions... should be... oh God, I'm gonna have diarrhea again. Aaaaagh... doo!
You can't go to the bathroom, you're stacking sunder armor!
It's okay. [over intercom] Mom! Bathroom!
What, hon?
Bathroom! Bathroom!
[Liane comes down to the basement and holds a bedpan under her son's ass. Cartman takes down his pants and out comes a spattering stream of shit. Some of it ends up on the floor, some on Liane's blouse and trousers]
Ooh, that's a big boy, isn't he? [exits with the poop-filled bedpan]
Alright, Kenny, drink your elixir of the mongoose. I'm now going to use mocking blow.
[having saved the World of Warcraft by playing the game non-stop for several months after defeating The Rogue Player]
We did it, you guys. We're totally heroes.
That was such über pwnage.
I can't believe it's all over. What do we do now?
What do you mean? Now we can finally play the game.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, Kenny, route Eye of the Beast to your hotbar.
Got it.
S10 E9Mystery of the Urinal Deuce
[after the conspiracy is blown] So who caused 9/11?
What do you mean? A bunch of pissed-off Muslims.
HBHardly Boy
Yeah, what are you, retarded?
[Kyle, Stan, Cartman are arguing over 9/11 conspiracy.]
Kyle, why are you so afraid of the truth?
Because anybody who thinks 9/11 was a conspiracy is a retard!
Oh, really? Well, did you know that over one fourth of people in America think that 9/11 was a conspiracy? Are you saying that one fourth of Americans are retards?!
Yes, I'm saying one fourth of Americans are retards.
Yeah, at least one fourth.
Let's take a test sample. [to Cartman] There's four of us. You're a retard. That's one fourth.
Mr. President, my name is--
Shut up! You think we don't know your name? We know everything. We control everything. We've all worked very hard to keep our involvement in 9/11 a secret. But you just had to keep digging.
Really?
HCHead of the conspiracy group
You won't get away with it! People know!
People, you mean sheeple. We have the majority of them kept in blissful ignorance. Just one more leak to fix.
HCHead of the conspiracy group
Wait, what are you doing?
You've been a thorn in our side for too long, I'm afraid.
HCHead of the conspiracy group
No! You can't do this! Please! I'll stop, I'll take down the website!
Too late.
[The head of the conspiracy group pleads for his life, then Bush blows his brains out]
JESUS CHRIST!
DRDonald Rumsfeld
Ha ha ha, he died like a pig.
Some pigs never learn.
No way.
He was right, you did cause 9/11!
Yes, quite simple to pull off, really. All I had to do was have explosives planted in the base of the towers, then on 9/11 we pretended like four planes were being hijacked, when really we just rerouted them to Pennsylvania, then flew two military jets into the World Trade Centers filled with more explosives then shot all the witnesses of flight 93 with an F15 after blowing up the Pentagon with a cruise missile. It was only the world's most intricate and flawlessly executed plan, ever, ever.
Really?!
[Mr. Mackey addresses the boys in the school gym]
Now you might all think I've given up finding out who crapped in the urinal, m'kay? And maybe, maybe you think it's a victimless crime. [walks up to the school janitor, who's a Latino] This is Mr. Venezuela, the school janitor, m'kay? He's the person who has to clean up when some trickster drops a dook in the wrong toilet! Mr. Venezuela makes six bucks an hour at best, m'kay? He's got three kids at home, he's got a car that barely works, he's gotta clean up puke with sawdust, m'kay? Then he walks into the boys' room and sees a big meaty chud staring him in the face! So when you crapped in that urinal, m'kay, you might as well have just dropped your pants and laid a turd right on Mr. Venezuela's head! [the boys laugh] Oh, you think it's funny, huh?!
HCHead of the conspiracy group
You don't understand! The government controls everything! The media, the corporations, they have the power to do anything they want. Here look, read the labels. Go on, read them.
"Code 234."
HCHead of the conspiracy group
We think they came from a government office.
What is it?
HCHead of the conspiracy group
It's anthrax.
PCPolice Chief
This is too big a mystery for me, I think we better call in the Hardly Boys!
Oh no, not the goddamn...m'kay.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.