[Tweek is worried about his family becoming poor]
You can always go on welfare. Just look at Kenny's family, they're perfectly happy being poor and they're on welfare. Right, Kenny?
Fuck you!
Heh-heh, you suck, Kenny.
S2 E17Gnomes
[An Underpants Gnomes's cart has just flattened Kenny]
[rushed and monotone] Oh my God, they killed Kenny.
[same tone] You bastards. [to the Underpants Gnome] Listen, we have to give a huge speech tomorrow about corporate takeovers!
Holy shit, we killed your friend!
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, we got to know about corporate takeovers tomorrow or we're screwed!
Christ, we squished him like a bug!
Shh. Don't scare him.
Hey, there, little guy.
BAD. [hits the Underpants Gnome with a stick]
Cartman!
What?!
Why do you always have to hit stuff with a stick?
Well look at him. He's all... look at him. [hits the Gnome with the stick again]
Is that all you got, pussy?
What?!
Hey, he talked!
Not much longer now....
Oh, you're taking us to your little pussy house?
No, pussy, I'm taking you to my village!
Oh, your pussy village?
Cartman, will you just shut up and let him show us?
S2 E18Prehistoric Ice Man
Good job, Cartman, you killed Kyle!
[muffled] You bastard!
Well, he shouldn't have called me fat!
Why the hell not? That's like calling the sky blue!
Well, screw him, he's dead! Let's go look for crocodiles!
AOAustralian Outback Guy
[examining dirt] I think he came through here recently.
[imitating Australian Outback Guy] Yeah, I think the same thing.
Well where the heck is he? We have to get him back to the lab!
MDr. Mephisto
He can't function out here in our time!
AOAustralian Outback Guy
Calm down, calm down!
[imitating Australian Outback Guy] Yeah, calm down, calm down, you sons of bitches!
[lodged in a cow's anus] Aw, it smells like Kenny's house in here!
[about the frozen man they found] His name is Steve!
His name is Gorak!
LLarry
My name is Larry.
S3 E1Rainforest Schmainforest
What if you don't have any rhythm?
Excuse me?
Well, like my friend Kyle. He's Jewish, so he doesn't have any rhythm.
SHUT UP, FAT ASS!
Choirs suck!
[thunders angrily] KYLE BROFLOVSKI, YOU WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE! ERIC CARTMAN, YOU BE NICE TO PEOPLE! STAN MARSH, YOU MIND YOUR MANNERS! KENNY MCCORMICK, YOU PAY ATTENTION! [deep sigh; to Miss Stevens] Go ahead.
Well, uh.. that's all, really. So if anyone is interested in seeing the rainforest and joining our choir, I'll leave information packets up front.
Oh, that's good. We need some more toilet paper. [Stan and Kyle laugh]
ALRIGHT, THAT DOES IT!
[inside Mr. Mackey's office]
I am tired of seeing you in my office, young man! You get sent here every day, Craig!
I know.
Why can't you behave?
..I don't know.
What do you have to say for yourself? [silent pause] Well, I tell you what, young man. Uh, you're going to be held back a grade if you don't luh— [Craig sticks his right middle finger up] Did you just flip me off?!
[lowering his middle finger] No.
Yes you did, you just flipped me the bird! Now see, this is exactly what I'm talking about! If you don't shape up, m'kay, and get your head straight— [Craig sticks up his right middle finger again] There! You just flipped me off again!
No, I didn't.
Yes, you did! And until you stop flipping people off, you can just go back to the waiting room! M'kay? Next! [as Craig leaves, Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman enter] Well, well, well, if it isn't Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Eric.
Hey, Craig.
Hey, don't flip me off, you son of a bitch!
Ah! A snake!
No, dude, that's a branch.
Oh. Ah! It's a snake!
No, dude, that's the same branch again.
Ahhhhhh!
Stan, what is it?
Snake! [points to a snake, everyone gasps]
PPablo
Oh yes, this is what we call a coral snake. Notice the red markings. Quite an amazing creature.
[Stan screams and runs away]
PPablo
What's the matter, little boy?
He's a little wuss, what's it look like?
I'm just scared of snakes.
PPablo
Now, now, you must remember. This snake is more afraid of us than we are of it.
[snake chokes Pablo to death]
Oh, my God!
[snake starts to eat Pablo]
Yeah, that snake is pretty scared of us, alright.
[snake continues to eat Pablo]
Jesus Christ! Is he dead?
[snake excretes remains of Pablo]
Dude!
My guess would be yes.
Oh, no! God, no! Now, don't panic, children...
[hitting coral snake with a stick] Bad! That's a bad snake! [runs away as the snake starts chasing him]
[to Kenny] Lenny, can I tell you something?
Uh-huh?
I think I like you.
Really?
Yes, I think we communicate really well.
Wow, that's great!
No, that's not great.
That's not great?
Yes, I live on the opposite side of the country, and when this choir tour ends, we'll never see each other again, and I'm only going to get my heart broken! I just can't get feelings for you! I just can't, Lenny!
[frustrated] Awwwww!
Mister! You got to help me, I'm starving to death!
WWorker
What are you doing out here, little boy?
I was with my class, and we got all lost in the rain forest and I need some food; I'm fading fast...!
WWorker
Lost in the rain forest? Oh my Lord! Where are all the others?
Food! I have to have food! [collapses]
WWorker
Oh my God! Get this child some food quick!
[lifts his head up] Chicken wings.
WWorker
Chicken wings!
[lifts his head again] Medium spicy.
[crying] Oh, stop! I want to go home! I hate the rainforest!
[stops and hugs her] Come on, it'll be all right.
Oh, Lenny, hold me. Oh no, I can't get attached to you. Oh, but I do like you. But I'm only going to get my heart broken.
[angrily frustrated] Aw, FUCK YOU!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.