Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it: That does not make sense! Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending a major record company, and I'm talking about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberating and conjugating the Emancipation Proclamation, [approaches and softens] does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.
S2 E14Chef Aid
Look at the monkey! Look at the silly monkey! [jury member's head explodes]
S2 E15Spookyfish
Dude, why is your store called the Indian Burial Ground Pet Store?
Well, there was an Indian burial ground here before I bought it.
So you just built your store on top of an Indian burial ground?
Hell no! I dug up all the bodies, pissed on them, and then buried them again upside-down.
Why?
Why? I don't know why, I was drunk!
Did you get the pumpkin, Kenny?
Uh-huh. [puts a squash on the table]
What the heck is that?
It's all I could afford!
[singing] You guys are my best friends
Through thick and thin, we've always been together
Four of kind, having fun all day
Palling around, and laughing away
Just best friends, best friends are we!
I love you, guys.
Sharon,
Yes Hun?
There's a policeman being held prisoner in our basement.
Yes, Hun, I had to restrain him so he wouldn't find the bodies in the back yard and take our baby away.
Why did you take his pants off?
Sharon doesn't reply
... Sh ... Sharon ... Why did you take his pants off?
[singing] You guys are hella-stupid, you guys are hella-lame, you guys are hella-dumb, hella, hella, hella!
Damn it!
S2 E16Merry Christmas, Charlie Manson!
[coming down the stairs with his friends and Elvin] My family sucks ass!
Yeah, they do!
All families suck ass!
This is Robert Pooner reporting live from Nebraska, where escaped convict Charlie Manson has walled himself up in a house. We understand that there are hostages and that the situation is critical, so we would like to remind you all that this live hostage crisis is being brought to you by Palmoral Sun Block. If it isn't Palmoral, you're going to get cancer.
You can't go around buying people off, Mr. Potter. Do you know what you are? You're a little bitch. That's right, you're a bitch and I bet you'd like to suck it, now wouldn't you?
I drove all the way from Montana to see Mr. Hankey.
That's nice, kid. I knew Mr. Hankey before he was even famous.
How the hell did Mr. Hankey get so popular? Look at all this Mr. Hankey stuff. [a display is seen of Mr. Hankey caps, T-shirts, cups, figurines, and posters]
Mr. Hankey kicks ass!
And another thing: it says that Mr. Hankey is also appearing at the Crossroads Mall!
So?
So, how can Mr. Hankey be here, and in another mall at the same time?
Dude, Mr. Hankey has magic powers. He can do whatever he wants. [Charlie Manson and Kenny stare at each other. The line moves up]
[to Kenny] How would you like to come with me to a more secluded part of the mall?
(Okay) [they walk off]
I really like that guy.
Oh, it looks like you finished your Fudgecicle, Elvin.
[Elvin looks at his hands and actually realize that he finished his fudgesicle, then begins to cry, demanding another one]
Ah damnit, be quiet, Elvin!
[Elvin is still crying]
Shut up, Elvin!
[grabs a stick from out of nowhere and hits him on the back of the head. Elvin is now catatonic, but manages a blink]
No, Elvin, BAD Elvin! [seeing that Elvin is not responding, he looks around]
S2 E17Gnomes
Okay, we have to do this stupid report, so...
Tweek [anxiously twitching]: Uuuunnnnhh! Unh, unh, unh, ur-hmm! Urr-hmm-hmm!
Aah!! Too much pressure!!
Great. Lotta help you are, kid.
The Gnomes!
What?
We can do our report on the Gnomes.
Phase one: collect underpants. Phase two: [silence] Phase three: profit!
Mr. Postum, you have a lot to learn about making coffee.
And you don't? Your coffee tastes like 3 day-old moldy diarrhea!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.