South Park quotes

I'm so freaking stoked that Cthulhu is gonna squash all the happy-go-lucky conformists.

Yeah. I just hope he puts an end to the fucking Disney Channel.

What's your superpower, Mysterion?

I can't die!

Oh, yeah, good one! Mysterion can't die and Iron Maiden is indestructible--

No, Stan, I'm being serious. I really, REALLY can't die!

Stan

(laughing) What?

Like last night in the alley! The cult leader stabbed me and I bled all over the place and you screamed "Oh, my God!" and you (indicates Human Kite) called him a bastard.

When was that?

All the time! I die all the time! And you assholes NEVER remember!

Stan

I think we would remember you dying, dude.

Well, you don't! I die over and over! Only to wake up in my bed like nothing happened.

Stan

Dude, you're freaking out Mint Berry Crunch. He's peed his pants.

No, no! Mint Berry Crunch doesn't ever pee his pants!

(disappointed) I knew there is no point in telling you guys.

OK, dude, let's just say you're not crazy and it's true. What's the big deal? I mean, I think it'd be pretty cool not being able to die.

(furious) Pretty cool?! Do you know what it feels like to be stabbed?! To be shot? Decapitated? Torn apart? Burned? Run over?!!

Stan

Kenny, Kenny, calm down!

It's not pretty cool, Kyle! It fucking hurts! And it won't go away and nobody will believe me! Remember this time! Try and fucking remember!

Cartman

As the Coon explains how the disaster can be stopped something terrible happened. The Coon friends changed and their superpowers morphed them somehow turning them into super villains! The Coon try to reason with them. Try to bring them back to the side of good but it was too late.

[annoyed] You guys have no memory of me shooting myself in the head, do you?

[laughs] What?

F**king Mintberry f**king Crunch.

[to Randy, sternly, as she goes upstairs] Randy, do not watch that no-no channel.

I'm not staying up to do that, Sharon. Geez.

Randy, you've been watching that channel again, haven't you?!

[defiantly] No!

Yes, because every time you watch cooking shows, you stay up all night trying to copy what they made!

Well, I'm sorry if there's something wrong with me helping out with the cooking! [puts on his coat] You think you'd be grateful, Sharon. I gotta get to work. I cooked, so you guys clean up.

Stan

Can I have a Pop-Tart?

Thanks for calling the Food Network Hotline. Billing is $9.95 for each 60 second period; to accept, say "creme fraiche".

Creme fraiche. [phone line connects]

Hi there, I'm Amanda. What are you up to?

Oh, hi, I just, uh, thought I'd give the hotline a try. What are you doing?

I'm making a pan roasted chicken.

Pan roasted? Like seared on the stove and then put in the oven?

Uh-huh. I'm just taking the chicken out of the pan. It's so moist. I'm gonna let it rest now, about five minutes.

Yeah?

Yeah. Ooh, there's lots of brown bits stuck to the bottom of the skillet.

You gonna glaze that fucking pan?

Oh, I'm gonna glaze it. You wanna help me?

If I was there I would. I'd take some red wine, about a quarter cup, and then a wooden spoon and I'd glaze the fuck out of that pan.

I got a wooden spoon right here. It's pretty hard.

[as he says this, we see Sharon pick up the phone; she begins listening in when she hears Randy on the other line] Yeah, you gonna put some onion in while you're glazing?

I was thinking about shallots actually.

Uh, yeah, shallots won't overwhelm the chicken's natural flavor, fuck yeah!

[having finally had enough] RANDY MARSH!

Ah! Sharon!

Your time on Food Network Hotline has expired; to add more time, say "creme fraiche".

Butters

"You agree that Apple may charge your credit card or Paypal account for any products purchased in the iTunes store."

Can somebody please explain to me what is going on? [Butters Scrolls down]

Stan

We're trying to find out exactly what Kyle agreed to. [Butters Scrolls down again]

There can't be anything in that agreement that allows a company to do what they're talking about to Kyle.

Butters

Oh Nope. Here it is right here: "by clicking Agree, you are also acknowledging that Apple may sew your mouth to the butthole of another iTunes user." [Gerald becomes worried]

Stan

Oh Boi

Butters

"Apple and its subsidiaries may also, if necessary, sew yet another person's mouth onto your butthole, making you a being that shares one gastral tract." Hmmm, I'm gonna click on... "Decline".

Cartman

Dude, what the hell?! Did you see the news?!

Stan

We told you doing a comedy awards show was a bad idea! Now all of Germany is pissed off at us!

Jimmy

Don't worry, fellows, everything's going to be OK!

Cartman

OK?! Jimmy, do you know what happened to the last people Germans were pissed off at?! Tell him, Kyle!

Exterminate!

(loud, booming voice) Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum! I smell Kraft Dinner.

You're a dick, Scott! You have always been a dick! And then you got radiation poisoning in Ottawa and now you're a giant dick!

No! You all kept calling me a dick and that turned me into a dick! And THEN I got radiation poisoning in Ottawa and now I'm a giant dick!