Mysterion quotes from South Park

My identity's gotta remain a secret. You're not gonna know.

I assume you must be Cartman. Because you're fat!

Karen McCormick is off limits!, do you understand? Make sure everybody in this school knows!

Mysterion, if Cartman's gone why are we still calling ourselves "Coon and Friends"?

Because it pisses Cartman off beyond belief and I find that [laughs] extremely funny.

What happened at those meetings?

Trust us, we don't remember. I know it sounds hard to believe but we were actually really drunk the entire time.

I don't find that hard to believe at all.

There are some superpowers that make yours look like nothing. Trust me, I know.

What... what is your power?

I can't die. [pause] I've experienced death, countless times. Sometimes I see a bright light, sometimes I see heaven or hell. But eventually, no matter what, I wake up in my bed, wearing my same old clothes. And the worst part, no one even remembers me dying. I go to school the next day and everyone's just like "oh, hey Kenny," even if they had seen me get decapitated with their own eyes. You wanna whine about curses, Hindsight, you're talking to the wrong fucking cowboy.

What's your superpower, Mysterion?

I can't die!

Oh, yeah, good one! Mysterion can't die and Iron Maiden is indestructible--

No, Stan, I'm being serious. I really, REALLY can't die!

Stan

(laughing) What?

Like last night in the alley! The cult leader stabbed me and I bled all over the place and you screamed "Oh, my God!" and you (indicates Human Kite) called him a bastard.

When was that?

All the time! I die all the time! And you assholes NEVER remember!

Stan

I think we would remember you dying, dude.

Well, you don't! I die over and over! Only to wake up in my bed like nothing happened.

Stan

Dude, you're freaking out Mint Berry Crunch. He's peed his pants.

No, no! Mint Berry Crunch doesn't ever pee his pants!

(disappointed) I knew there is no point in telling you guys.

OK, dude, let's just say you're not crazy and it's true. What's the big deal? I mean, I think it'd be pretty cool not being able to die.

(furious) Pretty cool?! Do you know what it feels like to be stabbed?! To be shot? Decapitated? Torn apart? Burned? Run over?!!

Stan

Kenny, Kenny, calm down!

It's not pretty cool, Kyle! It fucking hurts! And it won't go away and nobody will believe me! Remember this time! Try and fucking remember!

[annoyed] You guys have no memory of me shooting myself in the head, do you?

[laughs] What?