South Park quotes

[singing] I have a Yankee Doodle sweetheart, she's my Yankee Doodle girl. 'Yankee Doodle came to London, just to ride the ponies! I am DA Yankee Doodle, I am DA Yankee Doodle, I am DA Yankee Doodle boy!

Butters

'Ey, who's dropping bombs in there?! How 'bout a courtesy flush?!

Cartman

Up yours, Butters!

Jimmy

Shawna, I was wondering if I could put my penis in your vagina.

Maybe we should strip these jackets off and warm our bodies next to each other.

Don't be a fag!

Stan

Dude! Dude, did you see the news last night?

Cartman

Yeah.

Stan

You saw all those people trapped on their roofs?

Cartman

Yeah, that was pretty funny.

[draws a line near near the bottom of a USA map] Everyone below this line will have to be evacuated to the South... [draws another line further up] Everyone above this line is already dead. [draws two horizontal lines in between the two verticals] People like us in the middle states will have to ride it out... [draws a sphere] People in the balmy south-western states might have a chance, but [draws a small horizontal line between and at the end of the two horizontals] New York will have tidal waves that will envelop the north-east. [draws a circle, making the diagram resemble a penis and testicles]

What, Frank?

[looks at it a moment and realizes] Aw! Oh, goddammit. [draws a squiggle to cover it]

Stan

Global warming isn't happening right now. It's not what caused the Beaverton flood.

Kyle

How do you know?

Stan

Because... I know what did cause the Beaverton flood.

Kyle

George Bush?

Stan

No...

Kyle

Terrorists?

Stan

No...

Kyle

Communists?

Stan

No...

Kyle

Chinese radicals?

Stan

No...

Kyle

...Cartman?

Stan

...kind of.

Kyle

CARTMAN FLOODED BEAVERTON?!

Cartman

Give me your Jew gold now!

Kyle

Goddamn it, you know I don't carry gold in a little bag around my neck, Cartman. What do you want from me?

Cartman

I want your Jew gold.

Kyle

We must save these people!

Stan

How?

Cartman

Why?

We didn't listen! [echoed] We didn't listen!

It's George Bush's fault!

Yeah! George Bush doesn't care about beavers!

Stan

It's MY fault. I broke the dam.

Cartman

Aw, man...

...Stanley...you?

No. Don't you see what this child is saying? We can't spend all our energy placing blame when something bad happens. He's saying...we all broke the dam.

Stan

No. I broke the dam.

I broke the dam.

I broke the dam.

I broke the dam.

Stan

No. I broke the dam.

And I broke the dam.

I broke the dam.

Cartman

He he...I broke the dam!

I broke the dam.

I broke the dam.

Stan

[trying to insist] I broke the dam. I ran a boat into the dam and I broke it.

I broke the dam.

I broke the dam.

I broke the dam.

I broke the dam.

Stan

No! I broke the fucking dam!

I broke the dam.

I broke the dam.

Stan

I literally broke the dam!

I broke the dam.

I broke the dam.

Stan

On a boat! That wasn't mine!

I broke the dam.

I broke the dam.

Stan

I kept it secret for two days!

I broke the dam.

I broke the dam.

Stan

The boat caught on fire and it exploded!

I broke the dam.

I broke the dam.

Stan

Aw, fuck it!

Cartman

Ah, gentlemen, thank you for coming. We don't have a lot of time, so I'll cut to the chase. The girls at our school have been hiding something from us; hiding something huge.

What?

Cartman

What if I were to tell you that the girls have a device which allows them to see into the future?

Stan

What?

Butters

How do you know?

Kyle

The girls do not have a device that shows them the future, Cartman. That's retarded.

[with a faux British accent] You, sir, mocked Cartman before. Yet you too sit here demanding answers. Now damn you, let him speak!

Cartman

[Somewhat shocked] Thank you, Clyde.

Mr.and Mrs. Stotch?

Yes? What is it, officer?

You'd better come quick.

Your son is at the Bowery Building, threatening to kill himself.

What?!

[grabs the bullhorn from the officer] Butters? Butters, whatever is troubling you, this isn't the answer. Just come down, son, and... we promise we won't ground you for more than a couple of weeks.