Dude. I don't know if I'm going to like the new Eric Cartman.
Did you like the old one?
Good point.
S4 E15Fat Camp
S4 E16The Wacky Molestation Adventure
It's so unfair! How can my parents do that to me?!
Parents can be pretty cruel sometimes, dude. They get off on it.
They're evil! I wish I didn't have any parents!!
Well, you could make them go away for a while.
How?!
Well, I mean, you could call the police and have them take your parents away.
The police?
Yeah, I saw it on TV. All you got to do is call the police and say that your parents both molestered you.
What's that?
I don't know, but it works. When I wanted to get rid of my mom's last boyfriend, I just called the police, and said he was molestering me, and I haven't seen him for three months.
[awed] Wow! Three months without parents!
(Wow, that is awesome!)
But what do the police do to them?
Who cares? My parents deserve whatever they get. They're liars and cheats.
What's "bad touch"?
Something 'bout a swimsuit, I don't remember, but you definitely answer "bad touch".
Okay, molestered, bad touch.
Yeah, And cry. [Kyle lets out a soft cry] Oh, he's ready.
[Song that convinces Castro to convert to democracy]
If I could have one wish, just one wish in the whole world
If I could have one wish, it would be for Cuba to change
'Cause I think all of the Cubans are in pain
All the joy in the world, from sea to shining sea
Doesn't mean a thing, if Cubans aren't free
I just can't be very happy, I'm certain
Not as long as your Cubans are hurting
Oh, won't you search your soul, and find a way to change your mind?
That is my one and only wish
Castro is visibly moved to tears by Kyle's song, and decides to take his advice.
FCFidel Castro
¡¡Llamen a todos junto!! ("Call everyone together!!")
Hello, what's your name... What-what do you want?
LGLittle Girl
We wanna play...
Mark, I'm scared.
MMark
Don't be scared, they're just kids. Where are your parents?
LBLittle Boy
We already played with our parents.
LGLittle Girl
Now we want to play with you!
MMark
Okay, I'm scared now, too. That freaked me out.
LKLittle Kids
We wanna play with you!
Aw, I was just about to sacrifice myself to Mr. Elway.
S4 E17A Very Crappy Christmas
[talking through construction paper cut-out of a woman] Hey there good looking, what's your name? [talking through "Butters" cut-out] Butters, Ma'am. [through cut-out of woman] Well Butters, would you like to slap my titties around? [smiles; through "Butters" cut-out] Oh, well! Uh. [sadly] No thanks, Ma'am. I'll get in trouble again. [puts cut-outs away]
S5 E1It Hits the Fan
Jeez, you're a little irritable, Kyle. What's the matter, you got some sand in your vagina?
Don't mind Kyle, everyone, he's just got a little sand in his vagina.
There's no sand in my vagina!
Hey there, shitty-shitty fag-fag, shitty-shitty fag-fag, how do you do?
I said "shit" on television.
But they're gonna say "shit" and you're gonna miss it.
I don't really give a fuck.
Well, they can't say fag, you have to be a homosexual to say that.
You mean I can't say f[beep]?
No, see, you got beeped.
GGuy
You mean you have to be a f[beep] to say f[beep]?
Yep.
Well that's not fair! I should be able to say "fag." [he looks shocked as he realizes he didn't get censored]
Hey...you didn't get beeped.
Uh-oh.
Well, I guess we learned something new about you, Jimbo, you freaking fag. You want to go make out or something?
[the boys are in the library searching for the cause of people's serious illness]
[urgently] You guys! Look here! [the group rushes over] In this Nancy Drew mystery, Nancy goes to the beach and gets sand trapped in her shoe! That COULD explain how Kyle got it in his vagina!
Cartman, this is serious!
So am I, Kyle-- if that sand in your vagina doesn't get released, you could become a walking time bomb.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.